Thursday, May 24, 2007

Whose Life is it Anyway?

Um, MINE. What a revelation. If I embrace it, it frees me to live up to the title of this blog. Easier said than done of course. It's easy to live for my husband, my mom, and others who I feel have control, or who I give control over my life. But if I think that it is MY life, and I am the one who has to live it, then I can and should do what I feel is right. At the time I was at my lowest and wanted to kill myself I thought that I wasn't doing it or didn't act on it because of my mom and knowing the impact it would have on her. But really, there was a kernel of self preservation still left, a kernel of free will, a kernel of self assurance that kept me going. Must embrace the kernels. But do I want them to eventually pop, or become chowder, or what... gotta decide.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Meeting Past Lovers on the Street

Small towns are small and big cities are small when it comes to running into past lovers on the street. That's why it's good to end it nicely. But, so happy for him - he's getting married! In fact, has an engagement party this weekend. I wasn't invited, imagine that.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Why o Why?

Why o Why would I name a blog this? I saw a bumper sticker with that saying on it - destined to be an old woman with no regrets - and thought that THAT is what I want my life after 40 to be. So, this is my journey to make that happen. But Boy o Boy, do I make mistakes, and yet, I hope to learn from them.