One thing about being in a group class, is that if you speak you can see how people might see you. You can see people looking at you when you explain that you were obsessed with the idea that the picture of the duck and ducklings that you donated will not find a good home because noone will want to pay money for it and you should have given it away on Craigslist. I mean, you know it was silly but really it was something you should have gotten over sooner.
Yes, I did that. I was fine with getting rid of it, but given I had had it for over 20 years I want it to have a new home. And I can't be sure having dropped it off somewhere.
I read/have been reading that Japanese woman's tidying book. It sounds so weird, but it truly is a great book. I've gotten rid of stuff and feel so much lighter. And it's not even the tip of the iceberg. I mean, a BUNCH of books on my bookshelf that I moved around with me because at one time they had meaning. But did they have that meaning now? No. OK, so can get rid of them. I'm not following her guidelines and doing it all at once, but I am being very selective. Or at least somewhat. Hey, it's making a difference.
I am so tired. Spent 3 ish hours today trying to figure out an Excel equation (which turned out to need nested if statements). Whew.
OK that is all there is to see here. Carry on.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Not to be Debbie Downer
It would so suck to actually have that name. Can't even imagine. Would be pretty funny though if she was a very upbeat person.
I have had two mindfulness class sessions. And homework. And while it's not the highest quality, it's great I'm doing it. I keep falling asleep during my homework though.
OK, let's get to the point I wanted to make. Did I tell you M is moving back to this area? He is. And boy am I anxious. I feel lots of childish things and lots of really normal human being things. I need the thought of him being in this area be one of those things that I acknowledge is there and let glide on by.
For instances:
- I don't want him taking my climbing partners! Especially the one I've had for 5+ years now. Realistically it won't happen - he'll be added to the group but damn, it's bad enough now that we have one woman who I don't know will ever lead outdoors and so when we take her out it's like being her personal tour guide. Which is ridiculous, because my climbing partner is always someone's tour guide, and has been mine in the past. But he's MINE. Ha
- I don't want to go out to dinner as much as he wants. I need to save money. Realistically all I have to do is say no thanks. I just fear it's going to be a lot of no thanks.
And what's funny is that I worry and all this and it will turn out in the end that he has a perfectly wonderful life all his own and I see him once a year. To a certain extent, I wish that would be the case. Is that horrible of me? Not really.
Right now I feel pretty rooted in myself. I have my quirks and issues, but I'm coming to acknowledge them and be comfortable in my self and try to be the best person I can be, and keep growing. I feel like when I'm around M my roots start getting torn up and I start teetering in the wind that is his life force. But it's another one of life's lessons that I need to embrace.
Damn life lesson.
I have had two mindfulness class sessions. And homework. And while it's not the highest quality, it's great I'm doing it. I keep falling asleep during my homework though.
OK, let's get to the point I wanted to make. Did I tell you M is moving back to this area? He is. And boy am I anxious. I feel lots of childish things and lots of really normal human being things. I need the thought of him being in this area be one of those things that I acknowledge is there and let glide on by.
For instances:
- I don't want him taking my climbing partners! Especially the one I've had for 5+ years now. Realistically it won't happen - he'll be added to the group but damn, it's bad enough now that we have one woman who I don't know will ever lead outdoors and so when we take her out it's like being her personal tour guide. Which is ridiculous, because my climbing partner is always someone's tour guide, and has been mine in the past. But he's MINE. Ha
- I don't want to go out to dinner as much as he wants. I need to save money. Realistically all I have to do is say no thanks. I just fear it's going to be a lot of no thanks.
And what's funny is that I worry and all this and it will turn out in the end that he has a perfectly wonderful life all his own and I see him once a year. To a certain extent, I wish that would be the case. Is that horrible of me? Not really.
Right now I feel pretty rooted in myself. I have my quirks and issues, but I'm coming to acknowledge them and be comfortable in my self and try to be the best person I can be, and keep growing. I feel like when I'm around M my roots start getting torn up and I start teetering in the wind that is his life force. But it's another one of life's lessons that I need to embrace.
Damn life lesson.
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