Start

The start of a new plant.

Jessica Kane

Another WFMU segue. I listed to Irwin's show on WFMU. He plays a certain genre of music, I'd say, but has a few quirky things he throws in. Like Amanda. Like Jessica Kane.

Jessica Kane does spoken word, at least on that album, and her storytelling is fascinating. I think so at least. I'm her friend on FB, and one thing was very appropriate today, and the other was just really good too. Which was appropriate do you think?

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Advice from my mother after someone hurt my feelings:
Mother: Jessica, how many times must I tell you, other people cannot hurt your feelings. Are you just a giant vagina that can be f**ked by everyone?
Me: No.
Mother: Well, then. You're going through a sensitive time. You're alone in the woods, your dog just died, and you’re not thinking clearly. Why else would you go and look for approval for what you're doing in life from someone who is never going to give it to you.
Me: I guess I just don’t like that he thinks that way about me.
Mother: Well, guess what? You can't control what other people think of you. Can he control what you think of him?
Me: No.
Mother: That’s right. So stop looking for standing ovations from other people and look in the mirror. That’s the person you want approval from. And next time you see him, don't tell him anything about you, just talk about things he’s interested in. Talk about Jesus, talk about the mob, talk about some f**king thing, other than you. And give him that aloofness that I know you know how to do so well, after all, you are my daughter
Me: Thank you, Mother.
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I went into sephora to get a brush for this foundation that my sister got me to make me look prettier. But when I was in there, I didn’t want to be prettier.
I went into jr music world to buy an itouch.
But once I was there, I didn’t want to buy an itouch.
Then I went into borders books to look at books.
But when I was in there, I didn’t care about books.
But I used their ladies room.
And in there, I saw that I had this black thing in my teeth.
So I took it out.
And left.
And I was going to take the ferry back to staten island.
But when I got here,
I didn’t feel like getting on the ferry yet.
So I sat on a bench and listened to these two snot-nosed children stomping on these bell things they have embedded in the ground. And it sounds beautiful. Like music you’d hear in china 300 years ago. And I’m staring across the water at the statue of liberty. And I’m thinking about french people. And I’m thinking about my grandfather’s father who probably had lice on ellis island. And all of it makes me happy.
I am glad I am here.
Moments from now, I will want to be elsewhere, but right now, I’m happy to be here.

Shame on U (sa)

I doubt all of these are accurate, but still interesting anyway...

Brusha brusha brusha

Seems like almost every morning when I brush my teeth these days I think of my old friend J. She and I were best friends in grammar school. One of her defining traits was how vigorously she brushed her teeth. I think she'd go through a toothbrush every month or something (an exaggeration, I know).

She also was a big Beatles fan. We would sit in her basement and listen to the Beatles, on record albums I believe, for hours. When I moved to NJ, I would visit her frequently when we went back to RI to visit relatives, which basically was every month. She came to NJ to visit several times. And of course we wrote lots of letters.

As time went by, of course, the connection grew weaker. However, when she got married I was invited to her wedding. I was sad at the time she had as her maid of honor another friend from grammar school. But it was a fact of life - I had moved away. She married a guy she had met in an unlikely place - a bar! At least unlikely for her. She was so happy to be with him (and him with her) and knew he was the one and had plans to have lots and lots of kids and parties in her yard as her parents had done. [I must note that I was an idiot - I took photos at her wedding and gave them to her as a present, but just in a stack, not placed in a nice book. Ok, that's a regret I have.]

When I returned from Zimbabwe I went to make a presentation to her class (she was a grammar school teacher). The kids loved it and I received lots of thank you notes. But after that, I lost touch. I think she moved and I have no idea where she is now. I would love to find her and touch base. The problem is, her name is fairly common, so it's hard to find her. I do wonder though, and hope she's having a happy life.

Everything I didn't say

As some of you may know, I have a small obsession with WFMU. It's gotten better since I moved across the country, but I still of course care. One show I listen to regularly is Seven Second Delay. I listened for years before getting up the nerve to call in. And I've done so several times since then.

Right before I moved they had a repeat theme - I'm blanking now on what it was called. But basically the two radio guys didn't say anything on air. You would just call up and talk. It was confusing so the first 10 minutes there was just this background stall music. And when you did call and get through you wouldn't really know it was you on the air until 7 or 15 seconds later when you'd hear your voice.

So, I got on and started talking. It was mostly nonsense. It was weird to sort of be the show. After what seemed like forever but was likely just 60 seconds I bowed out. And of course, I thought about all the things I could have said. Because people like to listen to what other people have to say. DJ's talk in between music and half of it is nonsense, but many people are interested despite that. Connecting to another human being? Only half listening? Not sure of the reason.

But what I wanted to talk about was which of the bugs I had in my house I hated the most, and what the listeners would think was the worst.

Here are (were) the choices:
- slugs
- roaches
- ants
- spider crickets

The problem is, each one is creepy and disgusting. But I guess my order of nastiness is this (from not so bad to the worst)
- ants
- slugs
- roaches
- spider crickets

Now, I'm not taking into account how easy it is to get rid of them. OK, well, on second thought, maybe I am.

A line of ants you can get rid of easily with a paper towel, and you can spray insecticide to get the ones in the corners, and leave out that sugar evil stuff so they bring it back home to kill. Slugs are gross and nasty and squishy and so killing them is gross and nasty. Yuck. Roaches laugh at you with their antennae and say 'ha, you can't kill me, and even if you can, I have 5,000 babies in your house that will carry on my legacy, and we'll show up in places and at times you least expect.' Shudder, but SMACK with a newspaper. But boy o boy, I cannot go after spider crickets. The problem is you don't know which way they're going to jump - it could be away from you or towards you. Roaches run away. Slugs can't run. Ants have tiny legs but they still run away. Spider crickets MAY jump towards you. And that makes them the worst.

The Thinker

Are all his ideas going down the toilet?

1,324

This is that number post. Amazing. My life on a blog. Or at least the last couple years. I'm feeling a bit out of sorts - nothing that yoga couldn't cure but I'm feeling stretched for time (no pun intended, but it's actually a decent pun) so won't go. But it's for a good reason - taking Friday off and going skiing, so I need to do my normal hours this week before Friday. And yet here I sit writing a post.

Just got back from the place I had been paid to do work. They had asked me to do another project, and despite my hesitation and my straightforwardness to them about my abilities, they wanted me to help anyway. I guess partly because it's free. Yet, I'm not excited anymore - just kinda feeling like I'm the nearest port in a storm and they'll take what they can get. Not sure how I feel about the organization either. Nor about my projected career path - I mean continuing on that path.

I thought about applying for a job that uses skills I have but not in an industry I've worked for at all. I still might, but I think it's likely pretty low level relatively, and in the end I might not care about it after a year or so. I feel like I've moved to this land of excellent people - intelligent, motivated, entrepreneurial, etc. And I'm a small percentage of any of those. Bleh... I'll get over it.

It's funny that I've stopped wondering if the moods are PMS, bipolar, or just life. I guess that's a first step towards not having them exist?