Success

I'll start off with success.  Shot down two guys who expressed interest in me. One was actually a guy who applied to be my roommate. Though he eventually took away his application, he kept offering to fix my bike, so what the hell, why not (after much back and forth of, I want to pay you, you don't have to, I don't know when I'll be around, how about next week...).  It was obvious when he was here that he wanted to get together again. Nice guy, so sure, as long as I send him an email saying I don't want to date ANYbody.  He's odd. Very aloof in person. Doesn't like bluntness (I said, well, nice knowing  you) - though it was strange for my landlord to come right out and ask, so why are you moving.  Huh?

And the other was a very nice Italian who I worked with. He was more complicated because I had gotten very close - friend - and I had to repeatedly say no. Not always so good at it, like went to a date-like movie, but stuck to my guns-ish over time. Nice guy, and was very open with his thoughts/feelings, and gentle when I would cross a line (be rude-ish). But nope!  (Truth be told, that one was aided by I wasn't too physically attracted...but don't tell him that).

I never know when I should take an anti-anxiety med or if I should just 'get over' what's going on in my head. Is this part of the struggle of having bipolar II?  What does it mean to struggle?  Though I must say, I'm tired of even these minor mood swings. Arg.  But considering how bad it could be, I'll live with it. Or need to at least learn to live with it and not expose others to it too much. I think about the times I exude energy and reach out to others even on a casual basis - people want that, they are attracted to it. I just am not that, at least not enough.  And that's where I need to learn to live with what I am. 

OK, gotta go exercise and work.  Time is running out - I think two more weeks. Gotta get another temp job, though a real job would be much better.  Have to keep connecting. Keep looking. Be aggressive in a nice way. Learn from people who do.