huh

It's really hard for me to be honest with myself. But when I am, I know I am being so. So, I don't really want to date heavily (what does that mean?) because I like my non-relationship with M of talking every day. That's all I really need and want right now is some daily connection. I'm not like a friend of mine who needs to cuddle with someone and have the physical connection. Yes, I know it's not healthy. And it's not perhaps being good to myself. But it's what I want right now, be it a crutch or insecurity or whatever. I suppose I could go back to blogging every day, but I've kinda gotten used to interacting with human beings. Not that you aren't...but still. I have to eventually be ok with that 'relationship' ending because life will truly go on. But not yet.

A friend told me about a three stooges or groucho marx skit in which he was going door to door. He goes to one door, it opens, and he asks the person, 'so, are you married or are you happy?'. It's apropos since I chatted with a friend who has been with her husband for a very long time.Not incredibly happy, but keeps along with it because it's easier. She's fully aware of what she's doing. Having just written the paragraph above, I don't consider it pathetic. It's a choice.

Speaking of choice, I have not yet made my choice. I'm a big Aunt Jemima waffle, except I'm white. Oh, wait, does she only do syrup? I now have two interviews on Tuesday. I am actually at this very moment leaning towards the not so challenging one that's near my house so I can continue to have more free time to do things like climbing and radio -I've gotten quite used to it. But we'll see.

Speaking of radio, I'm starting to learn how to set up for live shows in the radio station. How to position mics, etc. It was a small training group last night, and it was good to get to know some people. I get shy and quiet with a big group, but I was very energetic last night (and so sometimes begs the question of is it me or is it my condition getting me out?). It was fun...

OK, I'm gonna make like a baby, and put an egg in my shoe, act like a tree, and all that.