Happy VD!

No, I do not have yet another VD.  But it's the big Valentine's Day tomorrow, and surprisingly I have a valentine that you wouldn't have maybe guessed. Though, I think many would have guessed.

Oh my, the saga.
J and I went away for a weekend.
J told me then he was going away the next weekend-ish with a woman he had mentioned before. I had no claims on him but was pissed.
When he returned I told him I only wanted to be exclusive, and he chose to do that with me.
Things were good, except I wanted to remain friends with M (remember M who I moved out here with?). J said it sounded like I hadn't really processed the thing with M.
So I sat down with M to talk about how to be friends.
M comes back to me after that weekend saying he's still in love with me. [cue the cliche meter]
I was all pissed but felt like I had to process it, and so felt I needed to retreat from exclusive with J.
In conversations with M, we were open, honest, and communicating like real people and not two hurt people beating on each other.
Before Christmas I told J what M had said and that I was talking with him.
When I was away for Christmas it was stressful to be interacting with both of them.
I returned and became depressed (I had also stopped one of my meds before Christmas) because I thought I could somehow date both of them, but realized I did not have the emotional capacity to do so.
So I chose M. And was very sad for a week or two, and I'm getting over it.
But I'm still scared of this thing with M. Will it really work? Not sure. But I figured I spent 2018 on working on myself. 2019 will be the year of relationship work.

Crazy. Stupid. Love.