Tragedy and Life and Embracing Death

 Friday we found out my youngest brother has stage 2 throat cancer. It's kinda a horrifying prospect. If chemo and radiation don't work (and feeding tube), they take out his voice box and his tongue. I'm still stunned but have not grieved. Instead, I had a migraine all day Saturday, saying to myself and others - I can't get the grief out. And Sunday morning for a few hours I was better, but then fell back down. Thing is, I know I can let it be ok. I did it in Massachusetts after visiting my brother and feeling stopped up. I let myself relax and allowed myself to physically feel ok. I didn't this time.

I'm distanced from it. My brother gets easily overwhelmed and my sister already took on the role of navigator. And she's gone all out. On all the doctor calls with him, looking up referrals, etc. Best I can do is try to support her. And the other brother with ALS who misses out on her attention.

But thankfully I had already decided and started networking about getting a cat. My therapy cat. It's friggin ridiculous here. Poof cats are gone from shelters. First cat I was offered was old, blind, few teeth, and on medication. Couldn't take that on. But my colleague's hairdresser is getting divorced and will have to live with her mom who has FIV cat, and so must give him up. 9years of living with him. I spoke with her for an hour Monday, and we bonded. I'll meet the cat (Leo - aka Chunky Monkey, or Fat Boy) and likely take him.  All 19 pounds of him (her 3 year old was feeding him all he asked for). That same day I was offered 2 other cats. Raining cats. But I'm likely going with Leo.  I'll post a photo of him once I get him, if I get him.