Thursday, May 24, 2007

Whose Life is it Anyway?

Um, MINE. What a revelation. If I embrace it, it frees me to live up to the title of this blog. Easier said than done of course. It's easy to live for my husband, my mom, and others who I feel have control, or who I give control over my life. But if I think that it is MY life, and I am the one who has to live it, then I can and should do what I feel is right. At the time I was at my lowest and wanted to kill myself I thought that I wasn't doing it or didn't act on it because of my mom and knowing the impact it would have on her. But really, there was a kernel of self preservation still left, a kernel of free will, a kernel of self assurance that kept me going. Must embrace the kernels. But do I want them to eventually pop, or become chowder, or what... gotta decide.

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