Monday, January 11, 2016

Center right of left

I did get into that mindfulness group, and thank goodness I did. I could use it right now. I'm stressing still about the car and may just up and switch over to the other car. I'm going to test drive it and see what I feel. Shit, it's only money. And I was going to take a big trip for my upcoming 50th, so I'll just not. If that turns out to be the case. The guy's eyes nearly popped out of his head when I said what car I would have to trade in. I realized that it likely was because M did sway my opinion that I got it. He so obviously loved the car and if I were on my own I would have test driven the other. Whatever.

And work. My one job, it frustrates the hell out of me. What I can do versus what it's a big stretch for me to do. Sure, come up with ideas for a way for the team to bond. I generally can't pull shit out of thin air and I like to have parameters to work around. She didn't like that. Whatever. And I say why I'm frustrated dealing with this one document, when I have clearly said I understand where she's coming from, but she just repeats again and again what she's already said and I feel like crap because it feels like she doesn't hear me and I'm an idiot.

I get paid too much for how little I think.

Oh and my roommate wants a cheaper place (who doesn't). And hell I could afford to spend less. But what am I willing to give up? I almost feel like if I have  to give up where I am I may as well move back east. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut and not say that if she has her 'friend' over and he turns it up to 75 well that will be expensive. I'm in such an old place that last month we paid $200 in heating.

Oh, did I tell you I'm depressed?  It's clear in how my gut feels. I'm putting on a good show though!

Positivity. Please.

Sunday, January 3, 2016


Happy New Year!  May life be full of peace, happiness, and growth.

Are those mutually exclusive?

I've had some adventures. The most exciting one was doing a solo spin out in early December and totaling my trusty not rusty Matrix. I was fine. It's actually ok that I did since it was starting to have problems. It pisses me off though that I pay regularly for insurance, and you have an accident and your rates go up to cover the cost of the money that's paid out to you. What's the point of having insurance then?

After much anxiety, I am settling into the fact that I now own a VW Golf Sportwagen.  The problem was that there was no Matrix out there. Nothing was perfect. But in the end I got a really good price and it's a great car.  M was in town and helped me buy, which was so nice. Yes, he's still in the picture. Kind of on the edge, but still in it.

I have three jobs, and two are up in the air. Trying not to stress.

My name is being put in for a mindfulness group that my psychiatrist recommended. 5? 8? intensive weeks, with hour long homework every night.  I think it will be good.

OK, have to go do stuff.