Sunday, August 25, 2013

Hide and seek

This poor crab was trying to hide in the tide pools, but we saw enough to be able to stick the camera in the water and take a few shots (upside down and blind) to get this one.  Creepy!

Back from a nice weekend of not doing much. I may be getting over not doing anything. In part because I don't want to turn into flab!  I still am not 100% sure about climbing, but I guess I should try. After I go to a podiatrist, which I have been avoiding. But it's time. I"m afraid to wear almost any shoes right now. Ugh! Including climbing shoes.

So, I'm back to the 'is this me or is this the condition' question. Grumpy depressed down the last time I climbed with friendA and his friend S. I could pretend to be upbeat and happy, and maybe I should because it can feel better and it's certainly better for those around me. Damn, I'm sure he doesn't want to climb with me anymore. I wouldn't want to! But pretending can lead to being. And is that ok? Still not sure.

Had a dream about trying to surf. Trying to manage my emotions is how I'm interpreting. I kept trying to get to it, but didn't in the end. But I was trying! Sigh, although I'm supposed to be a lion, or even a bear, sometimes I feel like a turtle.

PS: when I went to visit my friend this weekend, she had a yard sale. There were two hand made quilts from her boyfriend's mom. With stains. But handmade. And a guy was interested and going to buy, and I manaaged to get them first. A legacy, and really nice. I'll post photos at some point. Reminds me of a time in Germany when I needed a bathrobe and looked at one. When I tried to haggle, the woman kept it because it now had value.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A rolling stone gathering no moss

I'm rolling along, learning about life, and not gathering too much moss. Wallowing and sticky is my norm. I guess I"m kinda wading and dusty.

It is so easy to not see the part I play in things. Luckily I'm opening my eyes a little more and accepting that without beating myself up too much.

OK, so I whine and moan about guys not leaving me alone. OK, well maybe I flirt up a storm for whatever reason, and I know how to pick people that fall. Not sure how to handle that one yet. Right now, maybe avoiding people.

So, when an ex writes me some unwanted emails, I whine and moan about people not leaving me alone. Um, hello, maybe the random contact over time sent the message that I really wanted such emails?

OK, so my work is full of not so interesting stuff. I've missed some deadlines. Bad. OK, well maybe I need to just get myself friggin organized via Outlook or somesuch tool.

OK, so I don't know anchor building as good as my climbing friend. OK, so learn it.

I don't know. This is kinda boring. I'm kinda trying to pat myself on the back for not getting depressed because I'm beating myself up. Finding solutions is better than beating yourself up. Listening to what you want/need is better than pushing yourself in an unwanted direction. (I actually wrote to an old old friend asking her to not read my blog anymore because it was too one-sided. I felt bad, but it's how I felt so said it.)

You don't have to read it either!  But you are welcome to.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Birthday weekend

I just had the nicest birthday in three years. And maybe even longer!  My roommate convinced me that I should go out to dinner with her. And then asked me three times if I wanted to invite someone along. And so I did. And then when we went to go, another person was there too!  She had even checked on LinkedIn to find some people, including my climbing friend. I think that's so sweet. And the three of them paid for my dinner, which was excellent and quite expensive. But, we'll just celebrate the next month when it's someone else's birthday. Again, so nice.

And I had been feeling like crap last week about my birthday. I didn't want to expect anything. I did a show Friday night, and Saturday I treated myself to my birthday milkshake after volunteering for the day. And today during the day I got a massage. Those were all the things I did for myself. And it was a very nice weekend. Tomorrow should be nice - I know I"m not buying my own birthday cake!

I had a bunch of wine with dinner, so my thought processes are not the best. I may just do the one thing I was going to do and then get ready for bed and go to bed early. Snoozefest.

OK so a feel a little bit special. And that's what birthdays are for.

Sunday, August 4, 2013


I went to volunteer in the Sierras a week or two ago. I volunteered to help cook for the masses who were actually volunteering, since I didn't trust myself at 9,000 ft to be useful. It was a wonderful time. When I wasn't doing food, I hiked and searched for wildflowers. And found MANY. And someone had a great book, so I learned about the names, etc.  It was a lot of fun. A smattering below. The last one is actually seed pods. Way cool.

I had more to write about... but now I don't know. Poor Billy and the other had a fight today - I came home from being out and found lots of big drops of blood on the floor, carpet, bed blanket.  But he seemed ok in the sense that he wasn't still bleeding at least!  My roommate felt bad. So did I!