For all those lonely men and lesbians out there

Inventor unveils $7,000 talking sex robot

My favorite quotes:

"There's a tremendous need for this kind of product," said Hines, a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer. [in engineering circles]

Roxxxy also has sensors in her hands and genital areas -- yes, she is anatomically correct -- that will trigger vocal responses from her when touched. She even shudders to simulate orgasm. [just like a real woman - faking an orgasm]

For an extra fee, he'll also record customizable dialogue and phrases for each client, which means Roxxxy could talk to you about NASCAR, say, or the intricacies of politics in the Middle East. [do I want to meet the man who wants to talk about Middle East politics as he's humping me?]

TrueCompanion also is developing a male sex robot, named Rocky. [you can buy fake Viagra pills to keep him up]

Here's the article.

Had to balance out the sweetness

Homeless American Girl

Doll.

You know what an American Girl doll is, right? Well, they introduced a homeless one. Amazing. A $95 doll that is homeless.

Here's an article with one opinion about it.

I find it to be in the intersection of interesting and wrong. Sure, it teaches something about about the issues in America, but there are so many associated lessons that can go wrong because the homelessness issue itself is so complex.

I can just see a little girl giving a homeless person on the street money to go get her hair done.

My romance

Got a link to the Harlequin website where you can create your own romance story based on you and your love interest's name. Here's my story abstract:

Adventurer Beauregard grieved the loss of his wife and baby. Then he discovers his son is alive—and living with an adoptive mother—award-winning writer Pamela. Despite the secrets and lies, Beauregard can't deny the truth: adventurous Pamela loves the boy. Yet Beauregard grew up without a father and won't do that to his own child.

When someone dangerous comes after them, adventurer Beauregard takes Pamela and his son into hiding in the Australian Outback. As he grows closer to them, he discovers much about family life. After his dark, troubled past, he's finally found faith and family. And he'll do anything to protect both.

Damn, I better go get that adopted baby so my romance life can come true!

Though, in reality, my friends are telling me, and I should be telling me too, to stay away from men for a while. I have this habit of jumping into relationships, never being alone. As I think I've mentioned. So, I'm stopping my Valtrex, and trying to find myself as an alone woman. But man, I could use a hug.

A different perspective on the crash

Job Market 2009

If you haven't seen this, it's a good one. Although, if that is your line of work, I'm so sorry. Yes, the economy sucks. Of course I started the kitchen before things got so bad, and gotta finish it now!

Candy Bars

An email conversation between me and some computer geek regarding installing some vending machines at the office:

Him to entire staff:
Be careful, you don't want to hire any Goobers to install that thing. You should talk to either Clark, Mr. Big, or Mr. Goodbar on 5th Avenue (but only After Eight) I understand any of them would do it for 100 Grand. One tip: smear a Bit 'O Honey on the floor before sliding it back, otherwise it might Breakaway. If you get it stuck, you might be able to pry it loose with that, um, Whatchamacallit you know, a Wonka Bar.

Me to him:
Oh Henry! Kudos to you for the Mounds of ideas. I've also heard the Girl Scouts have a group, the Junior Mints (leader whose nickname is Peppermint Patty), who will, 'twix and 'tween their cookie selling, be willing to move stuff (they may offer the whole group, but I'd suggest to only Take Five.). Their Payday has traditionally been Friday. Don't pay them too much though! You might get a reputation for being a Sugar Daddy, with tons of Sugar Babies.

For Susan and Tera but not for Heather

Susan, because she is stalking. Tera since she wrote about shit. Heather hates beets.

Did you know that if you eat enough fresh beets at one time that not only will your doodoo turn red, but also your urine? I was very scared yesterday until I realized that's what it was. Mmmm, fresh beets from a farm in Maine.

Keeping you hip - A new phrase

I think most of you are old enough to know the phrase 'to jump the shark'. If not, go here and see the explanation and the actual video. Well, apparently the new phrase is 'nuke the fridge' in reference to the scene in the most recent Indiana Jones movie. I think it's highly appropriate, since I groaned when I saw that scene in the movie. I hope it catches on.

BTW, I am fully aware that 'hip' is no longer 'hip'.

Kenny - the movie

In addition to Hellboy, this weekend I saw Kenny. I highly recommend it. It's about an Australian guy who works with corporate portable toilets, and filmed like a documentary. Funny as all hell, but then again, I'm into potty humor. Below is what I think is the first 4 minutes of the movie - I wanted to provide that rather than the trailer, because I think the trailer shows too much. The problem is, the movie's only showing in about 12 theaters in the United States. Hopefully it'll get a wider release. It's also pretty funny that it's subtitled, but maybe when watching the clip below you'll wish you had subtitles?

Arrived today via email (spam)

Now they're getting personal. Ready to pick a fight I am...

"You look really stupid xxxxxxx [my name]"

What's your favorite?

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes of bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..

Raining McCain

Poor McCain - this just doesn't compare with Obama Girl.

Happy Pi Day

Received via email from my geek brother.

Pi, Greek letter (π), is the symbol for the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Pi = 3.1415926535... Pi Day is celebrated by math enthusiasts around the world on March 14th. www.piday.org

Received via email

Stopping Time in Grand Central Station

Had to do it twice - nickname and real name

The Recipe For NoRegrets

3 parts Kindness 2 parts Playfulness 1 part Flirtation Splash of Sass Shake vigorously

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

The Recipe For Womanwithnoregrets

3 parts Playfulness 2 parts Passion 1 part Cleverness Splash of Pizzazz Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

Mildly amusing site

From a listserv I'm on:

HEMA is a Dutch department store. Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer!

>> http://producten.hema.nl/

Arrived via email: Tips for Holiday Eating

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they are serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and the New Year. You can do that in January, when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Pecan. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin, or two pumpkins and one pecan. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. And remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, "WOO HOO! What a ride!"

Complements of the NRA (National Ravenous Association).

Uplifting

OK, I have to write to get this out of my system. When I look down, I'm amazed. I have breasts! OK, so, some may say, yeah, um, you're a woman, what's the big deal? But I'm wearing a new bra that I got for these reasons in order of importance: 1) on sale (half off) 2) fits 3) comfortable 4) pretty. I'm not sure if I should add this as number 5...uplifting (or kind of up and in). You have to realize I have a long history of wearing bras that are inexpensive, NOT fancy and have no padding - I am (was?) a firm believer in 'keeping it real'. But it's REALLY difficult to find something in size A that isn't padded and looks nice and supports the little I have, so I have had to cave. I may be changing my mind since it's kind of neat to have breasts, and hey, it seems to be one piece of clothing I SHOULD pay money for.

I went to go blow dry my hair this morning at the gym, looked at myself in the mirror, and laughed. The other woman there looked at me like I was nuts.

Ok, I'll get over this. Though it is a good thing I can type without looking at the keyboard or screen, since I'm staring at my chest the whole time...