Wednesday, June 4, 2008

What's your favorite?

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes of bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..


NoRegrets said...

OK, I'll assign some to some bloggers:
Ack, gotta go do work

laura b. said...

Tough choice, but I'm going with 15, because I'm kinda bitter like that :-)

Squirrel said...

Yes! That's exactly the one I was going to pick (well, and 21). Good call!

WNG said...

Which is why I've never tried it! Calling Papa G right now on your grammar quiz - I forgot at lunch, oops!

WNG said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Churlita said...

You don't have to worry. I always walk or take a cab home when I've been drinking. So, no fear of "parking".

NoRegrets said...

Squirrel - ha. beware. I can see into your mind...

WNG - you stuttered there, so I deleted the 2nd one.

Churlita - I don't worry at all. I thought you might find that one funny. I knew 29 wouldn't be it! ;-)

Tara said...

These are all so good. I love #15 and #2 especially.

evil-e said...

#25..Star Wars references will win every time.

heather said...

lol, are you saying i'm critical?

i wanna add to that though, if the shoes don't fit just beat them over the head with them.
then run, with the shoes of course. ;-)

as for 16, unless you're trying to get some exercise.

The CEO said...

Why do I have to pick 1 or 2 when the list shows you're a friggin' genius?

NoRegrets said...

Aha Tara, more insights into you...
Evile-ditto as for Tara.
Heather, well, I'm just sayin', I can see you doing that.
Ceo-no way did I write these! Received via email. Shoulda written that I guess.

Tera said...

NoR too bad I like number 1...and number 5...and number 7...but honestly, you picked the one I was going to pick first. You are too good!