It's Thursday! That means, today at least, the powers that be x3 or so talk about my half time possibility. I met with the CEO and Office whateversheis Tuesday and they provided lots of reasons why it would not work, including the time zone issue would make it difficult to participate in meetings. Huh? The example they gave was with the former president who was in the same time zone and it was so difficult to have meetings with her. Um, she was/is a highly influential and busy woman. Even if she were in the same time zone it would have been difficult! Oh, and the fact that in a couple months I might get the job of my dreams and thus they'd have to deal with someone new anyway. Um, that could happen with a full time employee!
So, ultimately I don't care one way or the other. I tried though to argue for it in the meeting, because it would be a good thing to have. though I'm sure I wasn't as convincing/forceful as I could have been, in part because when I say I don't care, I can live with either outcome. I just want a damn outcome!!! Now!!! M has said to me that if I want I could just take the possibility off the table if that would help me keep my sanity. I know he really means it, but yes, it would be good to have the income (to say the least). Speaking of income, I'll work until the last day in May (in part for income, in part because I'll get a free holiday, and in part because we've pushed back the move a little to make life less stressful and so he/we can go visit with his high school friends in June).
It's coming quickly!!!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Beginnings, movings, etc. etc.
1 - my bathroom is sorta done. The lamps don't have the screws so I can't screw in the globes, and there's a small patch of drywall that should be fixed, but otherwise mostly ok. He put a lot of work into it. Thing is, when you are paying parts separately though, how can you tell what he bought is really for your job? I look at the receipt, and see something that says Tape Meas. Seems like it's a tape measure to me. But, oh well. I'll assume maybe $100 wasn't for me, and it's still a good bargain. I think. As long as nothing leaks. I almost don't want to use the bathroom!
2-I never told my mom or hinted this weekend about moving. I just couldnt' do it. And then today I called her to see how she was doing after my brother left and noone's there, and we're yakking a bit. I go to say goodbye and she says "I miss you". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, this is so going to suck.
3-I did tell half my work and they were very appreciative that I said something so early and were happy for me overall.
4 - I got a call today from my dentist. The appointment I thought was next week is tomorrow - I get my crowns in. CRAP. So, I"m going to bed.
Hope everyone is well, and as I've said before, I hope to catch up soon.
2-I never told my mom or hinted this weekend about moving. I just couldnt' do it. And then today I called her to see how she was doing after my brother left and noone's there, and we're yakking a bit. I go to say goodbye and she says "I miss you". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, this is so going to suck.
3-I did tell half my work and they were very appreciative that I said something so early and were happy for me overall.
4 - I got a call today from my dentist. The appointment I thought was next week is tomorrow - I get my crowns in. CRAP. So, I"m going to bed.
Hope everyone is well, and as I've said before, I hope to catch up soon.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Right hook
So, got a call from my ex tonight. Calling to say he only wants to see me happy. But, given that he's left handed, managed to throw in a right hook. "Can't say it's the best decision you've ever made..." I just kept my mouth shut and said happy new year. But it makes me sad. Apparently he might have been motivated because he saw 'my crowd' at the climbing gym tonight. And that spurred him to throw in the towel/extend an olive branch (with a few thorns attached to it).
Sigh.
On top of yet another migraine today.
And an email from a friend saying how difficult it is to find a place in SF.
And signing a contract to get my bathroom done.
And trying to finish watching Inglorious Basterds, which, btw, is a great movie actually.
So, minor meltdown.
M is coming over. Which is nice. Hopefully all this won't spur yet another migraine tomorrow. But I guess that's why I have medication.
Sigh.
On top of yet another migraine today.
And an email from a friend saying how difficult it is to find a place in SF.
And signing a contract to get my bathroom done.
And trying to finish watching Inglorious Basterds, which, btw, is a great movie actually.
So, minor meltdown.
M is coming over. Which is nice. Hopefully all this won't spur yet another migraine tomorrow. But I guess that's why I have medication.
Monday, January 4, 2010
This is really Tuesday's post
I should be in bed now since I came home early to kill a migraine (the effects of 1.5 weeks of not exercising enough, stretching enough, getting used to sleeping in the same bed as someone else and so not getting great sleep, etc.), and I don't want another tomorrow...but had to share.
So, M forgot that he had talked to Exhibit A while M was in Jtree, and was told that he had gotten engaged! Funny how the world turns. Really funny. I'm a little freaked out that M 'forgot' such a thing, and trying to think of what psychological phenomenon describes that, but it's really not a huge deal so it will pass quickly. I'm glad Exhibit A has found someone and will be happy. He's an odd duck though. But I guess we all are in some way.
M knows about this blog and reads it, but I'm trying to not let that stop me from writing what I want to write. I know I can always say to not read something and he wouldn't, but I wouldn't want to do that, so it won't happen. It's just that sometimes the timing of when he learns about something in my brain might be a little warped (via blog versus via my mouth directly).
So, M forgot that he had talked to Exhibit A while M was in Jtree, and was told that he had gotten engaged! Funny how the world turns. Really funny. I'm a little freaked out that M 'forgot' such a thing, and trying to think of what psychological phenomenon describes that, but it's really not a huge deal so it will pass quickly. I'm glad Exhibit A has found someone and will be happy. He's an odd duck though. But I guess we all are in some way.
M knows about this blog and reads it, but I'm trying to not let that stop me from writing what I want to write. I know I can always say to not read something and he wouldn't, but I wouldn't want to do that, so it won't happen. It's just that sometimes the timing of when he learns about something in my brain might be a little warped (via blog versus via my mouth directly).
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Sadness
Again, a diversion from the Maine stories. I desperately need to write, and thought it only appropriate on the day of nationwide sadness, September 11.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my reality started hitting me on my drive back from Maine. I thought about what I had written in my blog before leaving, that Sept. 8 would start my new life, and a part of me was kicking myself for not truly having this be my 'new life'. In reality, I can't wipe away the last six months and there is no expiration date for mourning, so I'm giving myself a break. Finally.
I'm sad. I'm sad that my relationship didn't work. I tried sooooo hard, and I don't regret anything, but I'm so sad. He really is a wonderful man, just not the wonderful man for me. I second guess that sometimes, like when I hear about other people's marriages, but I try and slap myself upside the head and remember everything I tried and more importantly, remember how I felt.
And I'm sad for my ex-ish, for putting him through all this. Ultimately he'll learn many lessons, albeit painful ones. He's lonely and alone - he called last night and told me how pathetic he felt on Saturday because the only person he spoke to was a store clerk. He knows he has to make friends, and he knows he has to put out more effort - it's just the interim that sucks, and it's difficult for him. I listen, I don't try and make things better for him because it's not my life, but I will respond to his invite and go over to his place on Saturday and have dinner with him. He needs me and I also need him - to maintain a connection. And I guess to get over some of the guilt, which is there no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
I'm sad too about not having children. I thought that would be my life, and again, he would have made a wonderful father. Being around my nieces made me think about that - and I even made a comment that my sister is my mom's favorite daughter since she gave her grandchildren. Sigh, a half joke/fear of mine. At one point when I had JUST moved I started thinking about having a child as a single woman - thankfully a friend slapped me upside the head and said, why don't you get yourself settled first. I know. I know. And at a time when I was thinking about all this, I got some free moving boxes from a woman who had just moved to a two bedroom who was going to foster a child, as a single woman. So there are options out there if I want them. I just need time to mourn all this and get myself straight.
On a different but related note, my performance review is today. The last year was such a difficult one, and I maintained myself ok, but of course I didn't excel, and I did make mistakes, and as my therapist says, I need to own up to that while not beating myself up about it. So much energy was devoted to my personal life, I had none for work. Once my housing situation was finalized a month or two ago, I suddenly had energy for work - imagine that. So this year will be better and I just have to remember that. Of course, I wore a suit to make myself feel professional, but of course, I forgot my bra! Guess I'm not taking off my suitcoat, darn it.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my reality started hitting me on my drive back from Maine. I thought about what I had written in my blog before leaving, that Sept. 8 would start my new life, and a part of me was kicking myself for not truly having this be my 'new life'. In reality, I can't wipe away the last six months and there is no expiration date for mourning, so I'm giving myself a break. Finally.
I'm sad. I'm sad that my relationship didn't work. I tried sooooo hard, and I don't regret anything, but I'm so sad. He really is a wonderful man, just not the wonderful man for me. I second guess that sometimes, like when I hear about other people's marriages, but I try and slap myself upside the head and remember everything I tried and more importantly, remember how I felt.
And I'm sad for my ex-ish, for putting him through all this. Ultimately he'll learn many lessons, albeit painful ones. He's lonely and alone - he called last night and told me how pathetic he felt on Saturday because the only person he spoke to was a store clerk. He knows he has to make friends, and he knows he has to put out more effort - it's just the interim that sucks, and it's difficult for him. I listen, I don't try and make things better for him because it's not my life, but I will respond to his invite and go over to his place on Saturday and have dinner with him. He needs me and I also need him - to maintain a connection. And I guess to get over some of the guilt, which is there no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
I'm sad too about not having children. I thought that would be my life, and again, he would have made a wonderful father. Being around my nieces made me think about that - and I even made a comment that my sister is my mom's favorite daughter since she gave her grandchildren. Sigh, a half joke/fear of mine. At one point when I had JUST moved I started thinking about having a child as a single woman - thankfully a friend slapped me upside the head and said, why don't you get yourself settled first. I know. I know. And at a time when I was thinking about all this, I got some free moving boxes from a woman who had just moved to a two bedroom who was going to foster a child, as a single woman. So there are options out there if I want them. I just need time to mourn all this and get myself straight.
On a different but related note, my performance review is today. The last year was such a difficult one, and I maintained myself ok, but of course I didn't excel, and I did make mistakes, and as my therapist says, I need to own up to that while not beating myself up about it. So much energy was devoted to my personal life, I had none for work. Once my housing situation was finalized a month or two ago, I suddenly had energy for work - imagine that. So this year will be better and I just have to remember that. Of course, I wore a suit to make myself feel professional, but of course, I forgot my bra! Guess I'm not taking off my suitcoat, darn it.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Maine, Maine. go away
This is near where I'll be staying in Maine. I think it's one lake over. Boy do I need a vacation. And I'm getting one. Whew.In the past 6 months, among other things, I left my husband, worked on and got a separation agreement, bought a house by myself, moved into it and am now living alone, my uncle died, my sister leaned on me for support for her relationship problems, I was dropped suddenly from a work project due to a complete shift in direction, got offered and took another different half time job, and my cat died.
I did not lapse into a depression, due in part to continued exercise and eating right, regular physical training, the support of friends and family, and some good luck. September will start my new life. See you then!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
446
Yesterday Q/Fringes posted a link to a life changes and stress test and asked for others' results. I took it, without realizing that it was supposed to be for the past YEAR even rather than only the past 6 months, and got these results (with 300 being the cutting off point for High):
Your Value is: 446
Your stress level is HIGH, if it continues you may want to seek help from a professional
Well, I have lots of professionals and nonprofessionals helping me, and it seems like that's the thing to be doing.
The thing is, I've overcome enough of the huge hurdles that I feel I SHOULD be able to be doing better than I am even. E.G, I read people's blogs and see how creative they are or how passionate they are about world/local events, and feel bad that I am not that way. Or I get irritated that the door guy needs me to visit him to keep me upbeat. I'm still focused for the most part on me, and sometimes I feel bad about that. But I need to look at the number 446 and give myself a break.
I didn't write it last week, but moving into the new place was really difficult. Especially bringing my cat there. A new house. A new life. On my own. I couldn't bring myself to clean or unpack or move furniture. I had no TV to zone out on. I had no place to really sit and eat breakfast and nothing to read. When I talked to my friend Monday night my voice was flat - it was then she said she was coming to visit. Which was a lifesaver. Having my birthday helped and kept me going. And a friend helped me Wed night with my dryer and stuff. And I received a lobster in the mail. So I kept busy and didn't lie/lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. And the weekend was very busy.
But then the end of the weekend came, and Sunday night I was alone again, but finally cried about it. Which I have to do sometime. I told my trainer Monday morning how difficult last week was, and his response was that I'll get to the point where I'll be happy to be alone. Yeah, but not there yet. It's really not horrible, and I am indeed fine. It's just not easy, and I get tired of trying to be upbeat/entertaining. I need a vacation and plan on enjoying every minute of being in Maine the week of Labor Day weekend.
On Monday this week, a good friend gave me a little present she had bought. A magnet with my saying on it!!!! Destined to be an old woman with no regrets. And it's kinda pink. It's on my fridge and reminding me every morning to be that way, and that I have friends who care. As does the lobster that waves me out the door.
Your Value is: 446
Your stress level is HIGH, if it continues you may want to seek help from a professional
Well, I have lots of professionals and nonprofessionals helping me, and it seems like that's the thing to be doing.
The thing is, I've overcome enough of the huge hurdles that I feel I SHOULD be able to be doing better than I am even. E.G, I read people's blogs and see how creative they are or how passionate they are about world/local events, and feel bad that I am not that way. Or I get irritated that the door guy needs me to visit him to keep me upbeat. I'm still focused for the most part on me, and sometimes I feel bad about that. But I need to look at the number 446 and give myself a break.
I didn't write it last week, but moving into the new place was really difficult. Especially bringing my cat there. A new house. A new life. On my own. I couldn't bring myself to clean or unpack or move furniture. I had no TV to zone out on. I had no place to really sit and eat breakfast and nothing to read. When I talked to my friend Monday night my voice was flat - it was then she said she was coming to visit. Which was a lifesaver. Having my birthday helped and kept me going. And a friend helped me Wed night with my dryer and stuff. And I received a lobster in the mail. So I kept busy and didn't lie/lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. And the weekend was very busy.
But then the end of the weekend came, and Sunday night I was alone again, but finally cried about it. Which I have to do sometime. I told my trainer Monday morning how difficult last week was, and his response was that I'll get to the point where I'll be happy to be alone. Yeah, but not there yet. It's really not horrible, and I am indeed fine. It's just not easy, and I get tired of trying to be upbeat/entertaining. I need a vacation and plan on enjoying every minute of being in Maine the week of Labor Day weekend.
On Monday this week, a good friend gave me a little present she had bought. A magnet with my saying on it!!!! Destined to be an old woman with no regrets. And it's kinda pink. It's on my fridge and reminding me every morning to be that way, and that I have friends who care. As does the lobster that waves me out the door.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
i can't stop this feeling
You know that feeling when you were young, in the morning when you'd wake up after the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause visited, but before you saw what they brought? That's what I have right now. Except, with buying a house, it's kinda like they're a little scary too, like a bunny with sharp pointed teeth or santa with devil's horns. Off today at noon to sign my life away.Image
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Updates
- I may actually close on my house next Thursday, if yet another complication does not arise. The last week it's been that they couldn't find the deed! Amazing.
- I had planned my move date for Aug. 2, but I'm not sure now if I should give myself another week to do shit around the new place before moving (floors refinished, electrical fixed, painting, some demolition?). Of course, if my friends will let me stay with them another week.
- I received my first housewarming gift and it was from my firefighter-ex. Four smoke alarms and a CO2 detector. Four because 1 for each level and one in the bedroom, which he said you really should have because too many people die from fires that start in their own bedrooms. I thought that was very sweet. And note that for your safety also.
- Oh, closing on the assumption Monday evening, so I'll be off that house and will get money from my soon to be ex. The woman working with us has been very responsive and helpful, so I left a message with her supervisor noting this, and she was so grateful for the positive feedback. It's good to be good to good people.
- And to balance out that niceness, I must admit I did a passive aggressive thing this morning and clomped around in my biking shoes. Last night the downstairs neighbor was playing club boom boom music loud enough to make me take a sleeping drug and move to another room to sleep. If it happens again I'll go and ask him to turn it down just a little. It's not like it was horrendous, but that crap just can't be ignored. And I do mean CRAP.
- I had planned my move date for Aug. 2, but I'm not sure now if I should give myself another week to do shit around the new place before moving (floors refinished, electrical fixed, painting, some demolition?). Of course, if my friends will let me stay with them another week.
- I received my first housewarming gift and it was from my firefighter-ex. Four smoke alarms and a CO2 detector. Four because 1 for each level and one in the bedroom, which he said you really should have because too many people die from fires that start in their own bedrooms. I thought that was very sweet. And note that for your safety also.
- Oh, closing on the assumption Monday evening, so I'll be off that house and will get money from my soon to be ex. The woman working with us has been very responsive and helpful, so I left a message with her supervisor noting this, and she was so grateful for the positive feedback. It's good to be good to good people.
- And to balance out that niceness, I must admit I did a passive aggressive thing this morning and clomped around in my biking shoes. Last night the downstairs neighbor was playing club boom boom music loud enough to make me take a sleeping drug and move to another room to sleep. If it happens again I'll go and ask him to turn it down just a little. It's not like it was horrendous, but that crap just can't be ignored. And I do mean CRAP.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Can I get off the ride now?
I was going to write - Can I get off now? But being that you are all perverts, I figured I'd stick to the above.
I really would like to get off this roller coaster ride. But I think I'm stuck with it for a while more yet. Hopefully, I guess. Since I think that's what life is.
It's just that the current ride is wearing on me. One hour being incredibly happy because I got some money back from the bank on the house and then later incredibly sad after finding out my mutual fund that I thought was 'safe' lost money. From being happy when finding out that the assumption process will 98% likely be completed when I need it to be completed by (no later than the 8th) to being sad when bringing my separation agreement to be notarized. And this is all in one fucking day.
Please can I get off and not be decapitated?
Update: and now I find out my uncle is dying of renal failure. Ok, I better go play the lottery because I need a good upper to go with this downer.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Quick and Sweaty Update
- I had the home inspection on Friday. It went well, though it was damn hot. The place has stuff wrong with it, but nothing so major that I can't buy it. So that's good, but I'm scared to death. To be poor. To have such a commitment.
- My job is sort of in upheaval mode right now. How petrified was I when my boss said yesterday she wanted to go for a walk with me outside on one of the hottest days of the year? I just looked at her and said, I'm not being fired am I? I had to pee before going on the walk and it was the worst couple minutes in a while, imagining every possible horrible scenario. I managed to get myself under control without slapping myself in the face, which is almost what I needed. When I hysterically cried to a friend on the phone after the walk, she just repeated over and over that they can't fire me and that I need to fake excitement about the job for a while. So, I guess I will be a faker in the future. How's this for a statement from her - you have moments of brilliance but you're inconsistent, likely because life events have gotten in the way.
- One of the people I went climbing with this weekend was my husband. He climbed mainly with a friend of mine. The heat got to me and at one point I just started crying because I wasn't his climbing partner any more. He saw me and asked what was wrong and I told him, and he said 'I didn't know you liked climbing with me that much.' which wasn't really the point, but hey, that's ok. I need him to see sometimes that it's not easy for me.
- My job is sort of in upheaval mode right now. How petrified was I when my boss said yesterday she wanted to go for a walk with me outside on one of the hottest days of the year? I just looked at her and said, I'm not being fired am I? I had to pee before going on the walk and it was the worst couple minutes in a while, imagining every possible horrible scenario. I managed to get myself under control without slapping myself in the face, which is almost what I needed. When I hysterically cried to a friend on the phone after the walk, she just repeated over and over that they can't fire me and that I need to fake excitement about the job for a while. So, I guess I will be a faker in the future. How's this for a statement from her - you have moments of brilliance but you're inconsistent, likely because life events have gotten in the way.
- One of the people I went climbing with this weekend was my husband. He climbed mainly with a friend of mine. The heat got to me and at one point I just started crying because I wasn't his climbing partner any more. He saw me and asked what was wrong and I told him, and he said 'I didn't know you liked climbing with me that much.' which wasn't really the point, but hey, that's ok. I need him to see sometimes that it's not easy for me.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Whirlwind weekend
Hello all! Writing this tonight since tomorrow I want to rest. :-) I have the most whirlwind weekend in a long while. Saturday I arrived from AR, and promptly arranged with a bunch of people to pick up some free stuff I had arranged to get. This included one trade of rhubarb plants, which weren't really growing anyway, for heirloom tomato plants. yay! One is apparently like a zebra when it matures, one is deep purple, and the last was a mystery one. I only have two left, and I'll explain why in a moment.
So, I'm running around doing that, and have a BBQ to go to at a friend's place at 7:00. I had seen another place I wanted to look at, and my agent and I went to look. It's amazing, at the top end of my 'price point' as they say on HGTV, and I decided I needed to put an offer on it. More story on that later. Had my great BBQ dinner with good friends (one of whom's wife and I were talking about Robert Downey Jr. and drooling, and later in the kitchen he says to me, oh yes, I've been him a few times. I looked at him and said, huh? He tells me, well, you know, 12 years of marriage you gotta make it interesting somehow. - I thought that was damn funny.)
Anyway, I was supposed to have gone driving to volunteer at a climbing place and then climb, but thankfully my husband had left me a message saying he heard that there wouldn't be enough work to do, and they'd be climbing. There's no phone service there, so I assumed I was screwed since I didn't know where he and other friends would be climbing, and so I made other plans.
And what other plans! My friend who owns the plane said we should take a 2 day trip to a great climbing area. So, early Sunday morning, off we went! I took a photo from the plane as we were turning to land. Do you know where that is?? Squirrel knows. the Gunks! The trip there was smooth sailing, we made good time, my friend's sister picked us up and dropped us off at the rocks, and we were at the base of a climb by noon I believe. Such an amazing day! We climbed until dark in gorgeous weather.
And thankfully I checked with my realtor at one break, because she hadn't seen my email and wanted to know what I wanted to do. !!! Ack. And it turns out I had to get approved by the bank that owns the house, and so I had to fill out an application or something. I didn't know if I'd reach the guy, and I'm at the base of the climb andthen the top of the climb making phone calls. My 2nd lead of the day I got on this hard (for the second lead of the season) climb (Ken's crack), and had to hang. My phone started ringing and my friend was kind enough to let me get it - it is after all my future housing potentially. I felt like I was polluting the environment talking on my cell while hanging on a climb, but it had to be. It was damn funny. I finished the climb with much grunting and groaning and almost falling. My friend barely was able to follow it, so I felt good. :-)
Today we went out for breakfast and got into the sky. It was windier today, so MAN was I queasy. When we landed I was about ready to vomit, but I didn't thankfully. I yet again had to go pick up a free item, and then go sign all the paperwork for the offer. Oh, as well as say, I retract my offer on the place damn you for not responding to me and stringing me along. Ha, he was upset I was retracting the offer. Oh well. My realtor talked to the other one and really was pushing my offer in a nice way. She really 'approves' of it and wants me to get it. It needs work, but It's livable right now (once I pull up carpet and expose the wood floor!). Then she even fed me dinner!
I also found a three week sublet in June, which will help me retain my sanity, I hope. I was uncertain if I should do it since I'll be so house-poor if I get the place, but whatever, I'll get a second job if I have to. Sigh.
So, I am beat. Off to bed and sweet dreams. I feel optimistic since I've had a little bit of good luck... But, since the glass is half empty, I'll not rejoice just yet. :-)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
TGIS
Or, Thank God It's Saturday.
Yesterday I learned that I have changed. It used to be that a certain amount of time had to elapse before I would react to a situation. This served me well when I volunteered in emergency services, since you have to keep your head on straight in the heat of the moment, and later you can fall apart. But yesterday I was crying as the experiences hit me, which I guess is good.
I arrived at the mediator, sat down (my husband was already there), and started crying. So we had to take a moment to let me gather myself. It just was a reality, sitting there. Honestly they weren't crocodile tears to gather sympathy from my husband! It obviously didn't work anyway, since I gave up a bunch of stuff just to be sure we'd get out of there. The agreement is being drafted.
Then, immediately thereafter I called my realtor because a fine detail had changed in our plans, and I wanted to be sure I could still put an offer on the place I had seen. Well, back and forth with her and the lender and I understood that I couldn't, so when I talked to my realtor, I just sat and cried. She, luckily, is a great woman and tried again with the 'everything will be ok' and 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be' which was very nice of her.
Then, driving to the movie (I needed an escape) my husband calls to tell me he's moving forward on one of his parts, and I just started bawling again, because I'm so sick of living in other people's houses and I miss my cat and so on and so forth. He of course was very nice and offered any help he could give, but really, it just was an overwhelming day.
In the end, I put in an offer with a financial contingency. And went in to watch Iron Man on a Friday afternoon. Shorter movie review: it was really good! RDJr. review - man, he looks good. Whew.
Annywaay, I went out to dinner with a friend and started early with the tequila. Far too early. And achieved the drunkenness but stepped over that thin line, so tequila and I had an argument in the middle of the night and I lost. I would have been better in the morning if the damn cat I'm cat sitting didn't howl at the top of the stairs starting at 5 am. So, it took a long while to get going this morning. So long that it was afternoon! Oh well. I'm recuperated now, and off to look at more places, since the immediate reaction of the other agent was there's no way the bank will accept my offer. Oh well. We'll see on that one, but best to be prepared.
Yesterday I learned that I have changed. It used to be that a certain amount of time had to elapse before I would react to a situation. This served me well when I volunteered in emergency services, since you have to keep your head on straight in the heat of the moment, and later you can fall apart. But yesterday I was crying as the experiences hit me, which I guess is good.
I arrived at the mediator, sat down (my husband was already there), and started crying. So we had to take a moment to let me gather myself. It just was a reality, sitting there. Honestly they weren't crocodile tears to gather sympathy from my husband! It obviously didn't work anyway, since I gave up a bunch of stuff just to be sure we'd get out of there. The agreement is being drafted.
Then, immediately thereafter I called my realtor because a fine detail had changed in our plans, and I wanted to be sure I could still put an offer on the place I had seen. Well, back and forth with her and the lender and I understood that I couldn't, so when I talked to my realtor, I just sat and cried. She, luckily, is a great woman and tried again with the 'everything will be ok' and 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be' which was very nice of her.
Then, driving to the movie (I needed an escape) my husband calls to tell me he's moving forward on one of his parts, and I just started bawling again, because I'm so sick of living in other people's houses and I miss my cat and so on and so forth. He of course was very nice and offered any help he could give, but really, it just was an overwhelming day.
In the end, I put in an offer with a financial contingency. And went in to watch Iron Man on a Friday afternoon. Shorter movie review: it was really good! RDJr. review - man, he looks good. Whew.
Annywaay, I went out to dinner with a friend and started early with the tequila. Far too early. And achieved the drunkenness but stepped over that thin line, so tequila and I had an argument in the middle of the night and I lost. I would have been better in the morning if the damn cat I'm cat sitting didn't howl at the top of the stairs starting at 5 am. So, it took a long while to get going this morning. So long that it was afternoon! Oh well. I'm recuperated now, and off to look at more places, since the immediate reaction of the other agent was there's no way the bank will accept my offer. Oh well. We'll see on that one, but best to be prepared.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Telling nieces about divorce
Well, I think I did a good job. My sister told me they were asking if Uncle X was coming this weekend, and so I figured it'd be good for me to tell them.
We were all swinging on the hammock, so I asked them if they had friends in school whose parents don't live together anymore. They said yes. I then said, so you know what divorce is? Yes... OK, well Uncle X and I are unfortunately getting a divorce so you won't be seeing much of him anymore. The older looked at me - are you kidding? Nope, sorry. Then not too much after that. I'm sure it's sinking in and there will be questions to my sister. But then again, maybe not. Kids can be surprising.
We were all swinging on the hammock, so I asked them if they had friends in school whose parents don't live together anymore. They said yes. I then said, so you know what divorce is? Yes... OK, well Uncle X and I are unfortunately getting a divorce so you won't be seeing much of him anymore. The older looked at me - are you kidding? Nope, sorry. Then not too much after that. I'm sure it's sinking in and there will be questions to my sister. But then again, maybe not. Kids can be surprising.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Why my car is my home
Ok, so here's my living schedule for the next month or so:
2 days: at my house
Friday: at my friends S&R
Sat: my mom
Sun-Thurs: S&R
Fri-Sat: WW (to take care of her dog)
Sun-5/14: S&R
5/15-5/21: WW
5/22-5/24: Arkansas for work (?)
5/24-26: away somewhere TBD (long weekend)
5/26-6/4: S&R
6/5-6/21(?): B&L (where I have been to date)
6/22-I buy a house: S&R
Thankfully for a lot of the time I'm actually helping people out since they will be away, and it'll be like I have a home, except I'll be living with not my cat, but other people's pets. And I thought it was bad now waking up and not knowing where I am...it's going to happen every day!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I'm old, I need advice
OK, so I just got the wireless bill and since it's my only source of communication I'm way over minutes and have to pay a ton of money (I'm still on the shared plan with my husband).
I'm with Verizon, and plan to stay with them. So, it seems to me that if all I care about is minutes, I only have two choices - either pay $60 for 450 minutes or $99 for unlimited. Is this normal?
All I want is to use my device as a phone. I get occasional texts, but it's not my life. And I guess if I plan on not getting a land line, then I need unlimited. Have I answered my own question? My initial worry was that if I move somewhere where DSL is not available, then I might need my land line for dial up. But realistically, nfw would I go back to dial up.
So, um, thanks for all your help. :-)
I'm with Verizon, and plan to stay with them. So, it seems to me that if all I care about is minutes, I only have two choices - either pay $60 for 450 minutes or $99 for unlimited. Is this normal?
All I want is to use my device as a phone. I get occasional texts, but it's not my life. And I guess if I plan on not getting a land line, then I need unlimited. Have I answered my own question? My initial worry was that if I move somewhere where DSL is not available, then I might need my land line for dial up. But realistically, nfw would I go back to dial up.
So, um, thanks for all your help. :-)
Friday, April 18, 2008
Life, the universe, and cougars
Small Town Girl a while back talked about a thing that's been going around the internet, that I believe I've seen other places too. Six word autobiography (oh yeah, Churlita did it too). Although I'm a woman of brevity, for some reason that didn't strike a chord with me. But Small Town Girl opened it up to haikus too. So I was all over that. Here it is:
Searching for meaning
having fun along the way
(At least trying to)
I have seen news of Ivana Trump's marriage. One headline read "The Cougar Pounces." I'm thinking it might be nice to be a cougar for a little bit...once I get my life sorted out. At what difference in age do you become a cougar? I've dated guys 7 years younger, but that doesn't seem to be enough. Ten years or more? Or does it need to be two decades away? Of course, not sure it would work in real life since he'd have to be a pretty mature youngster because if he opened his mouth and spouted out nonsense, not sure I could go through with it.
Searching for meaning
having fun along the way
(At least trying to)
I have seen news of Ivana Trump's marriage. One headline read "The Cougar Pounces." I'm thinking it might be nice to be a cougar for a little bit...once I get my life sorted out. At what difference in age do you become a cougar? I've dated guys 7 years younger, but that doesn't seem to be enough. Ten years or more? Or does it need to be two decades away? Of course, not sure it would work in real life since he'd have to be a pretty mature youngster because if he opened his mouth and spouted out nonsense, not sure I could go through with it.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Impeccable
Oh how I love that word, especially when it's used by the mortgage company in relation to my credit history. I realized I haven't updated on my living situation. Turns out that the place I was going to take was month to month because I would have had to move out by August 31. The woman I was getting the apartment from didn't know that, and was understanding when I said I didn't want it. My plan at the moment is to continue to avail myself of my friends' generosity and stay with people until my husband and I figure out how much money he'll be giving me to buy me out of our house, and the house is transferred over to him. And then buy a place. I was initially devastated (Friday) because he had our house appraised and it's only worth what we paid for it (which, in today's market is actually doing well I realized or was told), and thought I could never afford anything, but then I realized I'll get some money, and there are things out there that I can afford - it's just a question of which compromises I want to make. So, there you go.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Things Fall Apart
Have you ever read that book by Chinua Achebe? The book describes the effects on Ibo society of the arrival of European colonizers and missionaries in the late 1800s. I think recently it was the 50th anniversary of the novel. Read it, it's good. As well as other books that he's written.
You thought this was going to be a literary post. Well, I sucked you in... escape before it's too late! It's 3:30 in the morning - I didn't even make it to my normal 4 am when issues wake me up.
You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Well, it seems that God's dog is not just peeing on me, but taking a shit too. Or perhaps diarrhea. (that is one of the harder words to spell - I'm glad blogger does automatic spell check - I recently saw a comic related to that, I'll try and find it). I prefer to think I am not cursed and thus cannot spread my bad mojo to others, but rather I'm taking the hit for others. I hope the people I'm staying with feel the same! Else I'm out on the street (just kidding). When I related the second of two blows last night, my friend just said 'holy shit - it keeps coming'. Or something to that effect.
One I can write about, one I can't. My uncle died yesterday. Long time coming, had a long life, blah blah blah. He's still dead. The other one affects a person close to me and when I heard it my first reaction was laughter because it was so shocking. I'm not sure I've ever had that response before to something of that nature. It of course was horrible to this person and thankfully after a bit they yelled at me (the equivalent of slapping me in the face) because it brought me back to reality and I could be supportive, hopefully.
I know I'm still in shock. And I'm so worried about the second person. And I'm not sure I have the energy to go to my uncle's funeral. Which brings on guilt feelings. Arrrrrrr! I had my warm milk and a snack, and hopefully I'll be able to go back to sleep. One neat thing that happened when I got up is that I heard some sort of winged animal making noises outside. It always amazes me to hear such things in the middle of the night. Not even sure what it was. I heard somewhere that birds have different songs for nighttime, or was it when they migrate? I'll have to look that up.
You thought this was going to be a literary post. Well, I sucked you in... escape before it's too late! It's 3:30 in the morning - I didn't even make it to my normal 4 am when issues wake me up.
You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Well, it seems that God's dog is not just peeing on me, but taking a shit too. Or perhaps diarrhea. (that is one of the harder words to spell - I'm glad blogger does automatic spell check - I recently saw a comic related to that, I'll try and find it). I prefer to think I am not cursed and thus cannot spread my bad mojo to others, but rather I'm taking the hit for others. I hope the people I'm staying with feel the same! Else I'm out on the street (just kidding). When I related the second of two blows last night, my friend just said 'holy shit - it keeps coming'. Or something to that effect.
One I can write about, one I can't. My uncle died yesterday. Long time coming, had a long life, blah blah blah. He's still dead. The other one affects a person close to me and when I heard it my first reaction was laughter because it was so shocking. I'm not sure I've ever had that response before to something of that nature. It of course was horrible to this person and thankfully after a bit they yelled at me (the equivalent of slapping me in the face) because it brought me back to reality and I could be supportive, hopefully.
I know I'm still in shock. And I'm so worried about the second person. And I'm not sure I have the energy to go to my uncle's funeral. Which brings on guilt feelings. Arrrrrrr! I had my warm milk and a snack, and hopefully I'll be able to go back to sleep. One neat thing that happened when I got up is that I heard some sort of winged animal making noises outside. It always amazes me to hear such things in the middle of the night. Not even sure what it was. I heard somewhere that birds have different songs for nighttime, or was it when they migrate? I'll have to look that up.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Soapoperaific
OK, because of one of Churlita's comments I realize I haven't written anything recently about the status of my life. But given what a wonderful soapoperaific life I have (how's that for a word Tera?), I gotta keep the updates coming.
- I have been out of my house for several weeks, except when my husband's been away.
- My kitties obviously miss me.
- Hubby and I started walking through the house figuring out who gets what and what needs to be mediated/negotiated. [that was Saturday, and Sat. night I had a meltdown while out with my friends]
- Hubby's trying to figure out if he can afford to keep the house. I cannot.
- Hubby indicated he's going to be cautious, so I'm being cautious too. Hubby will hopefully be told that he should be happy how reasonable I'm being.
- I have been advised that I should not sign a lease for a new place until some things are legally set.
- I have been advised that I should even spend some time at the house when he is there (like sleep overnight).
- I miss being in my house, but would like life to move on. Hubby's not good with moving on, so we'll see how it goes.
- I have been out of my house for several weeks, except when my husband's been away.
- My kitties obviously miss me.
- Hubby and I started walking through the house figuring out who gets what and what needs to be mediated/negotiated. [that was Saturday, and Sat. night I had a meltdown while out with my friends]
- Hubby's trying to figure out if he can afford to keep the house. I cannot.
- Hubby indicated he's going to be cautious, so I'm being cautious too. Hubby will hopefully be told that he should be happy how reasonable I'm being.
- I have been advised that I should not sign a lease for a new place until some things are legally set.
- I have been advised that I should even spend some time at the house when he is there (like sleep overnight).
- I miss being in my house, but would like life to move on. Hubby's not good with moving on, so we'll see how it goes.
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