Thursday, August 21, 2008


Yesterday Q/Fringes posted a link to a life changes and stress test and asked for others' results. I took it, without realizing that it was supposed to be for the past YEAR even rather than only the past 6 months, and got these results (with 300 being the cutting off point for High):

Your Value is: 446
Your stress level is HIGH, if it continues you may want to seek help from a professional

Well, I have lots of professionals and nonprofessionals helping me, and it seems like that's the thing to be doing.

The thing is, I've overcome enough of the huge hurdles that I feel I SHOULD be able to be doing better than I am even. E.G, I read people's blogs and see how creative they are or how passionate they are about world/local events, and feel bad that I am not that way. Or I get irritated that the door guy needs me to visit him to keep me upbeat. I'm still focused for the most part on me, and sometimes I feel bad about that. But I need to look at the number 446 and give myself a break.

I didn't write it last week, but moving into the new place was really difficult. Especially bringing my cat there. A new house. A new life. On my own. I couldn't bring myself to clean or unpack or move furniture. I had no TV to zone out on. I had no place to really sit and eat breakfast and nothing to read. When I talked to my friend Monday night my voice was flat - it was then she said she was coming to visit. Which was a lifesaver. Having my birthday helped and kept me going. And a friend helped me Wed night with my dryer and stuff. And I received a lobster in the mail. So I kept busy and didn't lie/lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. And the weekend was very busy.

But then the end of the weekend came, and Sunday night I was alone again, but finally cried about it. Which I have to do sometime. I told my trainer Monday morning how difficult last week was, and his response was that I'll get to the point where I'll be happy to be alone. Yeah, but not there yet. It's really not horrible, and I am indeed fine. It's just not easy, and I get tired of trying to be upbeat/entertaining. I need a vacation and plan on enjoying every minute of being in Maine the week of Labor Day weekend.

On Monday this week, a good friend gave me a little present she had bought. A magnet with my saying on it!!!! Destined to be an old woman with no regrets. And it's kinda pink. It's on my fridge and reminding me every morning to be that way, and that I have friends who care. As does the lobster that waves me out the door.


Susan said...

I was talking to OOTD last night on the phone about how it was odd that for the longest time I hated being alone in my house. Now if I stay somewhere else around others for too long I need to be alone to decompress.

WNG said...

The ONLY thing you should feel bad about is not cutting yourself a HUGE break. You've been through a hell of a lot lately and you need to give yourself time, and tears, and probably vodka, but at least the first two.
And eventually you'll get to the point where you're cherish your time alone in your house. I sometimes lie and tell people I'm going out of town just so I can burrow in to my little apartment for the weekend. And yes, lying is bad but I gave up trying to be a saint years ago;)
The point is that whatever you need to do right now to lower the stress and get through the days you should do.
Most of volunteer work helps me just as much or more than it helps the kids I work with, which I tell anyone who will listen, and it helped me get through some really bad times. You'll find something like that for yourself - just take a deep breath (or a shot) and let yourself be however you are for a while.
And know that Susan and I are here, and plenty of others are too.

NoRegrets said...

Susan, well, I've kinda always been like that since I'm an introvert - I mean the need to decompress. It's just weird right now...

WNG, gracias, I know. I too believe in the power of volunteering, but I need to assemble some energy to find something. I usually volunteer for Habitat, but since I have my own habitat now, I need to find something else.

WNG said...

You'll figure it out when you're meant to. For now - volunteer to take care of yourself...and win the lottery for me, of course!

Squirrel said...

Yes. You are right. You need to look at that number 446, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break. And remember that you have friends.

Churlita said...

Transitions are always hard. Eventually you will get your place all set up and be happy to be there by yourself, but until that time, cut yourself some slack, get all the help you need and have a kick-ass time in Maine.

I can't believe how strong you've been through all of this.

NoRegrets said...

Thanks Squirrel adn Churlita...

Sometimes I really don't feel strong!

Mel said...

You can steal my theme song for the past two weeks:

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand,
Then you stand

In the car, in the house, in the office--you're apt to hear it blaring.
It's just where I am, today.
It won't last forever.
It's just the circumstances, not my destiny....

Nor is it yours.
It can feel how it feels, yaknow...and really, no need to be a 'strong trooper' for those of us hanging in the wings. I mean, good grief--whining and carrying on and just being plain SAD IS allowed, yaknow.....
You'll get up and get back in the race.

((( hugs )))

Really, it's okay to be right where your feet are, today. Honest.

Mel said...

And I KNEW I shouldn't have taken the quiz.


Oy brother....

NOT that there's reason to be stressed out and actually BLARING that song..LOL

(((((((((( NR ))))))))))))

heather said...

lol, i'm at 386. and they didn't even have anything in there to take into account that my seven year old is starting to act like a 14 year old with the smart mouth.
i'll take a shot of that honey vodka wng.

nor, how do you feel about reading to the elderly? just about every nursing home in the country is looking for people to read to the residents. i did it for a while as a teen and had a blast. i got to read some pretty good books and talk to some interesting people. and it sounds as if you could use another way to decompress.

(actually it was called community service instead of volunteering but still...)

evilesb138 said...

Things take getting used to and you have been through a lot of events the few months (since I started reading you) Let things settle down a bit and try to enjoy what you have done rather than fret about it.

NoRegrets said...

Mel, thanks so much. I'll go watch/listen today (maybe over and over). I've really become a lot better at not letting all the shit get to me in the long term. But part of that is letting it out... And JEEZ you have a high number!!!

Heather - I may do that or even recording books for blind people. That would be good. Nice idea.

Thanks Evile...

NoRegrets said...

Heather, there's also this: Volunteers needed to call Bingo for residents at our retirement community. Bingo nights for Independent Living are Thursdays; other nights as scheduled.
I'd get to see the grumpy people who lose...and the happy people who win...

heather said...

i wouldn't worry about the grumps too much. it's the ones that call bingo when they don't have it that are the problems. :)

(did that too, for the same reason. lol)