So I'm driving along the highway on my way to an errand on Sunday, and my sister calls. I didn't have my hands free device on the phone, so I was talking to her holding the phone. Suddenly the traffic was really really slow. There was an SUV in the left lane with out of state plates going really slowly. I saw a motorcyclist in the second lane over, but he was wearing business clothes and had what looked like a vanity plate. So I'm cussing at the driver in the left and he finally goes behind the motorcyclist.
I moved over to the left and slowly went to pass (I was already above the speed limit btw). As I approach I say to my sister, 'is that a cop? nah, it can't be. SHIT, it IS' and threw the phone down. Since I had already started kind of passing him I figured I'd continue, but with two hands on the wheel. So I'm right next to him and I hear a 'boop'. I kinda glanced but saw no lights so kept driving. 'Boop' again. I looked over this time and he looks at me, holds up his left hand, and flashes five, five. As in, the speed limit is 55.
So, I promptly pulled my foot off the accelerator and slid behind him. He did not pull me over. It was a very surreal experience having him right next to me at 65 mph flashing a hand signal. Very lucky me.
And then the firefighter story.
I do freecycle a LOT (save the planet AND get free stuff!). And I give as well as receive. So someone put up a post asking for a tv for a fire station. I had a big tv that I really didn't want, so I told them they could have it. He arranged to pick it up Sunday (and turns out it was the fire station I used to volunteer at). I told one female friend and she started having fantasies. So the guy arrives Sunday morning. Over 6 feet, wonderful body, and I led him into the house and we had wild sex on my couch. Or not.
He picked up the tv, put it in his car. I had told my ex-ish about the station needing one and wanting a large tv, and he had gotten a monster super duper tv which didn't work well without cable, so he said they could have that one and he'd take my smaller big one. As I'm yakking on the phone to arrange for the guy to go to my ex-ish's house, a ladybug lands on my leg and starts biting me (they DO bite) and I scream and brush it off. Of course the firefighter looks at me like I'm nuts, but oh well. I talked to my friend/ex who still volunteers there, and turns out the guy is a dick. I could tell. And no, I didn't see his.
YOUR CHALLENGE ON HAIKU HUMP DAY - Comment in the form of a haiku. See Squirrel's example. 5,7,5 is the framework
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13 comments:
Freecycled 'tube for
Firefighter fantasies:
NoRegrets trades up!
That is HILARIOUS! Great idea! Make all the Comments be Haikus!!! Is everyone up to the challenge, I wonder?
No, I'm not. I'm horrible at Haikus. :( That's right, this is Susan raining on the parade. I, however, had to comment that the "we had sex on the couch". I almosted choked on water then saw "just kidding".
I'm sorry, but I can't write poetry in any way shape or form. I'm so glad you were able to avoid the man. It's also too bad that the fire fighter that came to your house was a dick and you didn't get to or want to see his.
Ok Susan and Churlita, be that way. pout.
Susan, I did that just for you!
Churlita, thanks for the congrats and condolences.
too bad the firefighter was a dick. good thing that lady bug was trying to bite some sense into you. :)
What is the sense of
having a dick if no one
wants to play with it
ok, so that sucks!
no more haiku for me.
oh, that reminds me. i haven't been pulled over in a while...
i average about 3 times a year normaly. i never get a ticket but still...
Heather - I like your haiku!!!
And, you don't get tickets?? Jeez, you must be charming.
nah, i just went to school with most of them or j did or they worked with my father in law who was a corrections officer for 30 some odd years or they're regular customers of mine wherever i happen to be working at the time. by the time we're done catching up the reason for my being pulled over in the first place is well out of mind. (usually speeding, once cause of a broken tail light that i didn't know about. only time i've ever been glad to get pulled over.)
I'm not doing any damned haikus. And does the police officer have a hands-free device on his steering wheel while he's using both hands to signal 5-5??? Hmph...their fuckers too! But hey, at least you didn't get a ticket!
TERA, someone's grumpy today. Go call Walmart guy.
I acknowledge that I couldn't do a haiku if you paid me. Had it been me at >65, I'd be in jail, with a ticket.
Aw, Monty, maybe not... I'm sure you smile sweetly.
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