446

Yesterday Q/Fringes posted a link to a life changes and stress test and asked for others' results. I took it, without realizing that it was supposed to be for the past YEAR even rather than only the past 6 months, and got these results (with 300 being the cutting off point for High):

Your Value is: 446
Your stress level is HIGH, if it continues you may want to seek help from a professional

Well, I have lots of professionals and nonprofessionals helping me, and it seems like that's the thing to be doing.

The thing is, I've overcome enough of the huge hurdles that I feel I SHOULD be able to be doing better than I am even. E.G, I read people's blogs and see how creative they are or how passionate they are about world/local events, and feel bad that I am not that way. Or I get irritated that the door guy needs me to visit him to keep me upbeat. I'm still focused for the most part on me, and sometimes I feel bad about that. But I need to look at the number 446 and give myself a break.

I didn't write it last week, but moving into the new place was really difficult. Especially bringing my cat there. A new house. A new life. On my own. I couldn't bring myself to clean or unpack or move furniture. I had no TV to zone out on. I had no place to really sit and eat breakfast and nothing to read. When I talked to my friend Monday night my voice was flat - it was then she said she was coming to visit. Which was a lifesaver. Having my birthday helped and kept me going. And a friend helped me Wed night with my dryer and stuff. And I received a lobster in the mail. So I kept busy and didn't lie/lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. And the weekend was very busy.

But then the end of the weekend came, and Sunday night I was alone again, but finally cried about it. Which I have to do sometime. I told my trainer Monday morning how difficult last week was, and his response was that I'll get to the point where I'll be happy to be alone. Yeah, but not there yet. It's really not horrible, and I am indeed fine. It's just not easy, and I get tired of trying to be upbeat/entertaining. I need a vacation and plan on enjoying every minute of being in Maine the week of Labor Day weekend.

On Monday this week, a good friend gave me a little present she had bought. A magnet with my saying on it!!!! Destined to be an old woman with no regrets. And it's kinda pink. It's on my fridge and reminding me every morning to be that way, and that I have friends who care. As does the lobster that waves me out the door.