I realized I neglected to mention what happened after the party where I poured the host tequila. A week (or 2?) I get a text that he left his wife the day after that party, in part because he saw by interacting with me that there was 'life on the other side'. WTF. Because I am curious and stupid and actually didn't remember him all that much, I agreed to meet him for a drink. As long as I wasn't seen as the other woman who broke up his marriage.
And o boy, that was an experience. Him giving details on why their marriage went bad (the children), and how lonely he was (no sex in 10 years). I think at that point I told him that he had just overshared. Oh and I had NO interest in him physically whatsoever (I didn't tell him that - even I'm not that blunt unless he had tried to make some sort of aggressive move on me). He's 60, but an old 60 and not a young 60 like M.
It was such a great experience to write to him and tell him that I think he needs to take time to process what he's going through and I am not the one to help him through that process. Yay me! In the past I would have felt sorry, oh he's a nice guy, and all that BS and gone on another 'date' just to see. Quite honestly having herpes in both places now (yeck) has made me free-er. It's easier to say no because I don't really want to get into it all with someone who has no promise. Even then I don't want to get into it, though that's a whole 'nother story. Sometimes I want to be hugged and wanted, and I look at Match.com, and then realize, nah. M is still in the picture, but I'm starting finally to have it sink in how stressed I get when I interact with him too much. Expectations, etc. So more and more I'm feeling single, and it's nice.