Saturday, February 23, 2013

Stay on the outside layer

So, writing before I go do trail work because I can't get it out of my head. Perseveration!!!

I just think that it's best for me to maintain the glossy exterior of someone who is kind, pleasant, intelligent, etc. Don't go any deeper to see the insecurities, the social mistakes, etc.

- Got to know one woman, who is outgoing towards everyone, and in a nice way. Not rough around the edges like me. Peeking through the glass to see if the pizza guy came for the group lunch yesterday, I kept peeking. She was in front of me and looked at me like 'what you doing girl? are you nuts' (in a nice, funny way). I just made a comment that I was trying to see down her shirt. Now, if I were a guy, she could sue me. It wasn't really funny. I don't know why I said it. To be crass? I guess. The guy next to me was like 'what?'.
- Wrote a reply to an email that was copied to tons of people catching someone on a very nitpicky point, when it could have easily been just ignored. Great introduction to all these people.
- Was negative twice in the group presentation. Why do I need to be negative?

I don't need to let to let the Jersey out. It's ok if she stays in.

- get a little closer to someone, and start the negative interpretations. Actually I have started doing that even at work. I need to stop.

I'll blame it all on the fact that I haven't climbed in 2 weeks. Sigh. Wish I could.

OK, off to do trail work.


Tara said...

I hope you get the opportunity to climb soon!

laura b. said...

I admire how aware you are of your behaviors. I am sure most of us could be a little more aware of how our words and actions might appear to others.

I am quiet, which keeps me out of trouble, but can also make me look a)like I don't care, b)like I'm not that bright, c)like I'm snotty, or d)all of the above.

Churlita said...

It's like looking in a mirror. I once got in trouble at work for being loud and inappropriate. Um, duh.

Read some Dorothy Parker and feel normal, is what I say.

What I tell my boyfriend is that I can't always help it. I'm not really mean, I just get weirdly rough around the edges sometimes. I blame hormones.

NoRegrets said...

Tara, I did finally, thanks.
Laura, ah, but there's such a thing as too aware! But thanks.
Churlita, I'll look Dorothy Parker up... (wondering if I read her yet). Yeah, trouble is, it's not always hormones..