whoa no, woe know

Was sitting down to write a woe email, and Billy comes up on my lap. It's hard to feel down when you have a purring cat standing on your lap, and he expects you to hug him. Squeeze the air out of his lungs through his smelly mouth. Hold him against you while he purrs and breathes weirdly. Leans into you.

Annnnddd... off he goes.

So now, woe was I?  ha.

Interesting that I'm being tested this week.  No therapist appointment. No computer monitor because Dell is a pain in the beehind. No M to talk to (he's sick). And no friend at work to walk with at lunch. I have to survive on my own. And it's a little difficult. The thoughts of 'so this is what my life is like?'  when so many others are doing so much more. And it's only a 4 day work week for me!  A three day weekend was great. I hate the thought that I am just trying to make it through the day, make it through the week. Ugh. Never thought I'd live my life like that.

Yeah well. Here we are. Gotta get some changes in attitude since the change in latitude won't happen any time soon.

Daydream

by Sue Ellen Pector

Of hunger's many faces
I dream,
fresh food to eat,

clothing, sans rips and patches,
that fits and warms,

closeness, fun, laughter
and rest.

In Praise of Older Hungry Women

by George Wynn

In my San Francisco of the 1950s
older latdies wore gloves
shopping at the Emporium

Now we see on Market Street
older ladies with outstretched palms
and worn-out clothes with cardboard
"give what you can" calling cards
in front of them reminding us of
Dorothea Lange's ruined women
of the Great Depression

If you and I enter a trance
to escape the image of
their present circumstance
and go back in time we might see
 young dreamy faces even after
a hard day's work on the factory line
or young hearts sore but full of fight
after a long day of blows on
a post-war picket line

Who knows, we just might get a
true picture of their elegance

Pride goeth before a fall

I've been thinking that I just had way too much pride. Oh, I could be doing so much more I thought. Others thought so too. Yet that pride helped me get where I am. Got told there's no way I'll get a raise any time in the near future. And the next day was handed a written warning to go into my HR file.

So, I realize what I am, and I will work with it and not expect anything more. I will not be in this job forever, but right now I need it.

I had my third DBT appointment and I think it'll be good for me. Part of me rebels and says it's just Californians who can't deal with sharp east-coasters. But the skills I will learn will help I am sure.

So, I'm spending some of my savings to buy a new computer and am going to try and move forward with photography and such to make a little extra money and expand my horizons.

I am beaten down but am not broken.