Well, at least what's in my head. Thing is, it's good for me to be retreating into myself. If there's only me, I have to be good to me and listen to me. Trouble is, sometimes I don't even want to be with me. I don't like me. Distractions do help. Or is it reaching out to others that helps? Making some sort of connection? Expect very little from myself and I'll achieve it. Fast moving water doesn't run deep.
Somehow late last week, we someone decided that we wouldn't talk every day. I can't figure out if he decided or I did. I know it's not happening. I'm kinda ok and I"m kinda not. I think he's getting settled and needs me less. Perhaps also he thinks I"m doing fine and doesn't need to touch base with me every day. Or just tired of it. Pft. I'm tired of me. I pulled out my wedding album because I can use a scanner at work (after hours) and I promised my ex a long time ago that I'd make him a copy of it. That was before the breakdown, so not sure if he still wants it, but at least I will fulfill my promise.And I'm so disconnected from it, but not. I was tough to live with them. Seems I'm tough to live with now.
And here, earlier, is where I went down bad roads. It's good I have two quilts I owe people since that keeps me going - gives me a purpose - keeps me alive. Yeah... great wonderful thoughts. At least they are passing thoughts and I'm not wallowing. A good thing. But I am tired.
But, I have read a great book (The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss - fantasy) and a not so great book (Kook - Peter Heller - about surfing) and a good book, a poetic one, but I just couldn't deal with it (Edgar Sawtelle). And I'll keep reading...