Sunday, January 13, 2013

huh

It's really hard for me to be honest with myself. But when I am, I know I am being so. So, I don't really want to date heavily (what does that mean?) because I like my non-relationship with M of talking every day. That's all I really need and want right now is some daily connection. I'm not like a friend of mine who needs to cuddle with someone and have the physical connection. Yes, I know it's not healthy. And it's not perhaps being good to myself. But it's what I want right now, be it a crutch or insecurity or whatever. I suppose I could go back to blogging every day, but I've kinda gotten used to interacting with human beings. Not that you aren't...but still. I have to eventually be ok with that 'relationship' ending because life will truly go on. But not yet.

A friend told me about a three stooges or groucho marx skit in which he was going door to door. He goes to one door, it opens, and he asks the person, 'so, are you married or are you happy?'. It's apropos since I chatted with a friend who has been with her husband for a very long time.Not incredibly happy, but keeps along with it because it's easier. She's fully aware of what she's doing. Having just written the paragraph above, I don't consider it pathetic. It's a choice.

Speaking of choice, I have not yet made my choice. I'm a big Aunt Jemima waffle, except I'm white. Oh, wait, does she only do syrup? I now have two interviews on Tuesday. I am actually at this very moment leaning towards the not so challenging one that's near my house so I can continue to have more free time to do things like climbing and radio -I've gotten quite used to it. But we'll see.

Speaking of radio, I'm starting to learn how to set up for live shows in the radio station. How to position mics, etc. It was a small training group last night, and it was good to get to know some people. I get shy and quiet with a big group, but I was very energetic last night (and so sometimes begs the question of is it me or is it my condition getting me out?). It was fun...

OK, I'm gonna make like a baby, and put an egg in my shoe, act like a tree, and all that.

5 comments:

Mel said...

I'd agree--it's a choice. And you get to choose. I don't know what's 'right' for you--and choosing is one of those things we get to do! Sometimes that's uber cool--sometimes notsomuch! I don't mind making the choice--it's the results of the choice that I'm sometimes grumbling about. LOL

Good for you to be looking at options for what supports you doing things that you love along with paying the rent. Sometimes we foresake one for the other--which sometimes doesn't work out so well. But.....see above. LOL We get to choose! ;-)

gosusango.com said...

It really is a choice. I tend to go towards what is "easier" in life instead of what might be best for me.

In regards to the job, I say go with what will make you the most happy. Not "money" happy, but really happy.

laura b. said...

Human connection is good, physical or emotional. You know best what you need...there and in your work life.
I will say I can definitely see the appeal of a less pressure-filled job, with more time to do other things. But I've never wanted to make my work my life. I'm just not that ambitious.

Tara said...

There's nothing wrong with having a daily connection. If it makes you happy, then go with it!

NoRegrets said...

Mel, yes, having to deal with the results is sometimes ahrd, but most times good!

SusanGo, really happy? I'm not sure I've done any work yet that makes me really happy.

Laura, yet you are committed to the work you do!

Tara, well, some might say it's bad (like a little part of me), but whatever. I'm going with it.