Thursday, April 22, 2010


How selfish am I? Or can I be? Or rather self-centered? OK, just googled it, and here's a difference explained by C.S. Lewis.

I've had one person drop me for basically taking her for granted repeatedly. At the time (at least 8 years ago?) it had some merit, but not sure about now. As I write that, I think to be honest with myself and you all is what really happened is that she brought the issue up - not dropped me- and though I tried to do what she wanted I either felt like it wasn't enough or I just didn't care enough to really respond. So, we dropped each other maybe. Or I dropped her?

My question to myself, is what am I doing now? Yes, I have to give myself a break because I'm in a new relationship and moving and leaving my job. But I have a good friend who's always been there to help and I try and help her, but I don't think I do enough. I think I take her for granted occasionally (a lot?), and I need to stop and step back and not do that.

Part of my problem is I feel myself disconnecting from this place/these people. But that doesn't mean I can't try and keep my friends. Or friend in this case. Sigh. I'm obsessing and I need to stop and just have a chat.


laura b. said...

You are very hard on yourself. Friendships tend to have a natural flow of give and take and can ideally exist through the different phases of that cycle.

Thanks for including the link to CS Lewis' explanation of the differences between being selfish and being self-centered. Makes a great deal of sense. I feel actual shame as I realize that I do tend to be quite self-centered. Ow.

EsLocura said...

I agree with Laura, good friendship have highs and lows and at any given time one friend gets or gives more but that's OK. give yourself some room, lot's of positive things happening for you but even good and positive can be stressful. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. besos

Pamela said...

Well, the problem is, there are some people that tend to give give give and aren't good at taking. I have a couple of those friends, and it's sometimes easy to take those friends for granted. It's hard to give to them and sometimes it's easy to forget to give.

Laura, hm, you sure you are self centered? No shame no gain? Sorry...

Ananda girl said...

You are hard on yourself, but then, self-reflection helps people to grow when applied. Kudos for that. I tend to be very self-focused and often miss the undertones of those around me until things are pointed out. There is no excuse for that really, and I am not using it as one, but I think being the family baby did not help me to learn to see what others need sometimes.

It is so easy to get caught up in the joy of a moment. I am there too and it stuns me how similar we can be sometimes. I had a conversation about my not spending enough time with a good friend just this morning. Worse... shame on me, because I did feel that way, I took a short cut to avoid telling her that I was moving away.
Thanks for this... I need to buck up and go see her. Make things right.

Churlita said...

I think we all do that. I was just talking to a friend about this. It's human nature to take those closest to us for granted, because we don't have to work at it like we do with others. Now that you're realized you're doing it, all you have to do now is make up for it. Make a lunch date or something.

Pamela said...

Ananda, I was also the youngest (of 6)... More similarities!! I did write to her and all is well.

Mel said...

Well then. I'm glad to hear you chatted with you friend and all is well.

I do realize the difference between the two--and I do realize I possess both qualities at any given time. I take issue with selfishness occurring at the expense of others--which isn't discussed in that brief synopsis.
LOL But that's just me--yaknow, she who is chronically doing introspect and inventory. :-P