So, what if you thought you were one way yet others said you were another? How many opinions would it take to make you stop and take note?
Ecstatic.
My whole family has a tendency to be low key. We just aren't energetic in a bubbly sense. I however thought that I was one of the exceptions. Yet, I hear from M that I'm not. I talk to a friend yesterday and say that I'm not ecstatic about the job and she notes that she's never known me to be ecstatic about anything. And it makes me think of my brother, who's a wonderful person but often is annoying to me to be around because he's so un-ecstatic. I'm closer to him than I thought I was. And it's me and some things aren't going to change too much - to have that energy... [I stop writing because perhaps you can change? I'm not sure...]
Life can be simple or life can be hard. Far too often I choose hard. E.g. I don't like that I'm so slow climbing. I'll agonize about it and think that people won't want to climb and I should stop climbing, etc. How about just acknowledge it and start practicing climbing faster. Done. Or, I want to volunteer and do some good work for a nonprofit but what they have is doing it remotely which isn't really what I want to do but I sign up anyway because I also like person organizing and I don't do as much as I want to / should and I keep apologizing and making excuses for not doing it. How about I just say I've done what I can and sorry but I won't be able to do more. Done.
I think I'm doing a great job learning to be a DJ. But then I get a detailed review of my 1.5 hours and see all the things I can improve. I can wallow in the details and bang my head against a wall and beat myself up, or I can change things one at a time. And if I don't want to change it and it's just too much for me, well, then I don't continue being a DJ. Done.
Simple or complex. Ecstatic or reserved. Both can be somewhere in between.
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5 comments:
*laughing* You're sure you didn't tap that reading fairy on the shoulder and say "HEY.....I have one for ya!!"
Wow--how cool is that?!
BTW, I don't think I mentioned how much I enjoyed the clip of your show! I think you did a great job. I should have told you sooner.
It sounds to me like you are working on things as you can. That's progress. As long as its progress its all good.
Does anyone really know who we are inside? People tell me things about myself and I think "really?" because I just don't see it. Then I do something and I think... oh crap! There is some truth to that.
But there are lots of truths.
I suppose it is always disconcerting to learn that how we think we are is not showing up outside our own head.
Still maybe ecstasy felt is not the same as ecstasy displayed. Only you know the real reaction you are having!
Your first two sentences really resonate, they are the same questions I have been asking myself lately. different context, though.
I'm not ecstatic either (obv), but sometimes it surprises me when I see how incredibly non-ecstatic others see me as. Kind of makes me wonder why anyone want to hang out with me, if I'm so dry.
Please don't stop DJing! You know you love it. Also, can you please remind me of where I can find your shows? Are you in a regular time slot?
Seriously Mel...
SR - thank you for the praise. I have to find some technique and keep the energy going. Yes, there are a lot of truths and have to keep that in mind also.
Laura, it is. And, well, I just don't have that big of a reaction to things... Some people just don't want to live with that.
Squrrel - yes, you do come off rather neutral - I wouldn't say bland at all. Actually neutral isn't even the right word. I'll think of it. Don't worry, I don't plan to stop... I don't have a regular slot yet. Tuesday 29th will be my last training slot and then I do graves...
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