Elmo says: I love to screw

Saturday Hunt - Options

On a beautiful sunny warm Saturday, but not warm enough to climb in, I had many options of stuff to do around the house.

Replace the hole-y screening on the downstairs door.


Clean the cat tree thingie I got dumpster diving.


Finish/redo the weather stripping installation job.


Wash my car


I got all done except the car. I would have loved to do more screens (it was so easy!) but I don't know how to get them out of my windows...darn it.

Profundity

My trainer was yabbering at me yesterday about an episode of the Mentalist that focused on the death of a rock climber, and about a woman that was hanging with the guy climbers, and was seen as one of the guys. I said that wasn't a bad thing. He retorted that if I ever liked some guy, he'd still only see me as one of the guys. I'm not sure that's true, but my reply was that I'd rather have a climbing partner than a boyfriend. I don't have either, and that's what I'd prefer.

I was honestly a bit surprised to hear that come out of my mouth. And it is the truth. I'm dealing more with reworking my personal life/friends and want to figure that out. A boyfriend, meh.

Don't get me wrong. I want to love again. I want to be in GREAT relationship next time. But man, I gotta work out all the crap that's left over from my divorce. And people have to get to know me first before they'd be willing to deal with all the shit I have attached to me.

Below was what I wrote when I was feeling down a week or two ago.
My Match.com profile:
42 y.o. divorced female with herpes and bipolar 2 seeks...
I shouldn't even bother with any more words, since noone would get past the first 9...
Can you see why I'm not doing any online dating sites? I wouldn't respond to any either, since I think these site assume cleanliness, which I'm not, and it's almost like leading someone on by even interacting with them.
Whatever.

I'm back in the now. I'm not sure I feel much different than that. But at least right now I don't feel bad about it. I'm not letting it define me. Of course, talk to me next week. I'm sure it'll have changed.

Mother Nature has laughed in my face. The last two days I have not biked because of weather forecasts, so I was excited to bike in today. I'm 10 minutes away from going out the door and it starts snowing like crazy. The radio is talking about all the accidents in the north and west. But there was no way I was not going to bike, so I did. In the driving snow. And I survived!

Two nice things happened to me yesterday. The first - I had gotten my Levelor blinds and while the blind itself was what I wanted, the factory chose the top bar front thingie, and it is this weird green. When I called them yesterday, not only did they listen to me, but they are also shipping me a sample of a gray that they have to make sure I'd like it before sending it back for 'repairs'.

The second was when I stopped at Whole Foods after work. I didn't have a basket, and so put my wallet in my pocket. Of course I picked up way too many things to carry, so at some point my wallet fell out. I only realized when I was done shopping. I went to the customer service desk, and ta da, it was there. Nothing missing - I think, since I dont' know how much cash I had in there. Since it wasn't that long, I'm not worried about numbers being stolen.

Zimbabwe now and then

Maybe you've heard what's been going on in Zimbabwe. Maybe you haven't. Up to 60,000 people now affected by cholera. Food shortages. Economy destroyed.

Well, I want to start showing the Zimbabwe and Zimbabweans that I know and loved. So you see the real people as they can be under a stable government.

A recent photo on CNN.com. What you often see in the media about Africa. Poor dying starving people.



A photo from 1989 when I was there. Healthy, happy, and what they should be.


I want to see the vision come true again.

You just never know

Ah, the poor poor Cardinals. They did so well. Both teams did well, and one did have to win. But great game. Unbelievable plays. You don't know who's going to win until it's over - that's what made it a great game.

In any event, my ex called me by accident during halftime I believe - he was trying to call his parents. He said he was going to call me anyway, since he thought I should stop by to pick up some donation receipts that were mine, and while I was at it, have a piece of pie that he made. So I'll do that tomorrow night. But after he called his parents he called me back, since he found some news out he had to share.

And he asked me if I'm finding this whole thing difficult. Shit, I should just refer him to this blog. Ok, well, maybe not. But we had a good discussion about how difficult it is even though we both didn't think it would be so bad. I told him it seemed like he's doing great, and he corrected that assumption. And I told him about my ups and downs and round and rounds. It's always odd to talk about the impacts of the divorce, since I'm the one who pushed for it so essentially I brought this pain upon him, kind of. But it was good to touch base. He does need to hear that I'm not always doing well. That I spend time alone. That I go to the movies alone. That my friends sometime tire of hearing me cry about what I'm going through (well, at least I think that).

I do care about him so I'm glad we aren't completely disconnected.

But my whole point was, you just never know what people are going through until you are involved in it, or you are told about it. And chaos can arrive at any time. And you gotta learn to live through it and roll with the punches. And support those who are being punched.

This song was in my head last week when I was feeling especially low. Sometimes the inner me tries to console the other half of the inner me... It usually speaks through music.