My trainer was yabbering at me yesterday about an episode of the Mentalist that focused on the death of a rock climber, and about a woman that was hanging with the guy climbers, and was seen as one of the guys. I said that wasn't a bad thing. He retorted that if I ever liked some guy, he'd still only see me as one of the guys. I'm not sure that's true, but my reply was that I'd rather have a climbing partner than a boyfriend. I don't have either, and that's what I'd prefer.
I was honestly a bit surprised to hear that come out of my mouth. And it is the truth. I'm dealing more with reworking my personal life/friends and want to figure that out. A boyfriend, meh.
Don't get me wrong. I want to love again. I want to be in GREAT relationship next time. But man, I gotta work out all the crap that's left over from my divorce. And people have to get to know me first before they'd be willing to deal with all the shit I have attached to me.
Below was what I wrote when I was feeling down a week or two ago.
My Match.com profile:
42 y.o. divorced female with herpes and bipolar 2 seeks...
I shouldn't even bother with any more words, since noone would get past the first 9...
Can you see why I'm not doing any online dating sites? I wouldn't respond to any either, since I think these site assume cleanliness, which I'm not, and it's almost like leading someone on by even interacting with them.
I'm back in the now. I'm not sure I feel much different than that. But at least right now I don't feel bad about it. I'm not letting it define me. Of course, talk to me next week. I'm sure it'll have changed.