Friday, September 19, 2008

Diary of a grieving woman

I am alone. I have chosen to be alone. There's cockroaches in the kitchen. I woke my neighbor. I was rude, by not thinking.

Next weekend is my anniversary. Anniversary of failure. B&L are moving in with him. W is going climbing with him. The balance tips. He'll be ok without me. And that sucks. Even if I died people would be ok without me. I don't want to die. I want to love and be loved. And I'm scared I'll never get that with someone else. It has to start with me but does it have to end with me?
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Here's a song for scavenger hunt. I thought it was Red is the Color of My True Love's Hair. It's not. But I'm giving you the song anyway, because Nina Simone fits my mood.



Peace to you all.

21 comments:

Susan said...

People would notice and would not be ok, NoR. Chin up, darlin.

NoRegrets said...

Of course people wouldn't be ok immediately, but everyone eventually moves on. If you don't you go insane or kill yourself.

Tara said...

I tried for the longest time while on Myspace to find Nena Simone's "Feelin' Good" because I loved it in the movie "Point of No Return". But I never found it.

Susan said it best. Chin up.
Things will get better for you. You deserve tons of happiness.

Glamourpuss said...

I've not heard that version before - lovely.

As to your grief, it is a necessary process, remember that, and praise yourself for confronting it head on.

Puss

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

never greive

each day is a great day to die


have a great weekend jones

Tera said...

Cheer up NoR...I can't have you all down in the dumps with me...it's not a fun place to be! If you feel he'll be okay without you, that should be motivation enough to be okay without him! Don't worry...love will find you again :)

NoRegrets said...

Tara, thanks.
Puss, praise be to me! ;-)
Torrance, thanks for visiting, but sorry, gotta roll with the emotions sometimes.
TERA, I'll get there!

The CEO said...

Cheer up, you have a fabulous cat, you have a blog full of friends, and I cannot put the embedding of Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" in the commets section. Sorry. It will be on my blog, and I'll e mail it to you. You can send it to tara.

laura b. said...

Just keep reaching out to people, as you are here. I know it helps me when I am in that state of mind.

Squirrel said...

I'll second the general sentiment... chin up, slugger. You're doing great, even if you don't feel great right now.

Belle - A Beauty livin with her Beast said...

everything happens for a reason, even when they are things that you feel like i will never be able to move on from. just remember however that this isnt a time to dwell on the past, this is the time to make the future yours and embrace the changes and good you are now able to do for yourself. it will hurt, there is no doubt about that, but remember that you are strong and will be able to move forward with a smile on your face.

NoRegrets said...

Chin's up. Thanks...

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

BIG HUG!! I feel you and I think you are a great person and I know I only know very little about you , but your vibe is ooooo so cool and genuine to me. I love that!! So here comes my sister girl YOU GONNA BE OK pep talk!!

I have so BEEN where you are. Wondering if I made the right decision, wondering if I should have tried harder, wondering if I will ever find the love I want, wondering… wondering… wondering… and wondering through my wilderness. Feeling like a failure, feeling a sense of loss (I mean even thought it wasn’t right it was mine), feeling like he certainly manage to get on with life quickly, feeling alone. Feeling like a complete and failure. I think its part of the divorce process, I went through some very dark places in my life at that time crying, learning, but most importantly growing and becoming a better woman. Man your words could have been mine 3 years ago. GROWING hurts but is necessary.

Wrote a blog about it, wanna read it ? lol
http://moniquesplace.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!C90B1711753DF737!979.entry

NoR you just got to go through to get through!! I know it will be better! Trust!

-OG

NoRegrets said...

Thanks everyone. I am feeling better, if only because I had some caffeine (!!!) and I heard about a friend who's worse off than me, so it's hard to be deep down in the dumps. I'm still grieving, but at least can laugh now.

If you like cats - go to MRT's site and view the video.

OG, thanks so much. That means a lot and I read the blog entry and I appreciate it. Alone by choice. Single by choice. They're hard sometimes.

heather said...

grief is all part and parcel of the process. knowing that is a step towards healing.
but then again, you know that.
give billy a kiss for me and enjoy some purr therapy. there's nothing better. :)

Churlita said...

I've been in a similar state myself lately. I wonder if it's the change of seasons. Why is it so hard to find a partner in crime in this world? I always think it's because I'm old, but I know plenty of younger women who are going through the same thing too. Ugh.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I'm so glad to read you're feeling a bit better now. You keep rolling with whatever emotions come your way...

But, don't let the negative ones take over. You will be okay; this was not a hasty decision; true love is not lost.

Tara said...

Oh and, you're it! I just tagged you for the next Saturday Scavenger Shot word chooser extraordinaire. :)

k_sra said...

Make it a good one, No Regrets! : )

Oh, and I think you've got the resilience to face this life "with no regrets."

NoRegrets said...

Heather, I know. Unfortunately I was running around so much this weekend, I didn't get much purr time in...

Churlita, I'm just not sure. I always used to wonder if it was too high expectations.

Woo, I'm trying to remember that...

Tara - thanks! I chose the word...NO!

K_sra - hopefully I do. I think I do. Perseverance...

Not Fainthearted said...

last week was horribly lonely. All over the place, it seems. Sorry to hear you were stricken too.

People WOULD notice if you were gone and they WOULDN'T be ok, if by OK you mean they'd go blythly along with hardly a pause. Eventually they would learn to cope without you; because that's how life goes. But it would take a lot of time and tears.

Be sure and reach out to people when you're feeling this low.