Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pour some sugar into me

Actually, probably better would be protein.

OK, those both in certain minds and contexts are rather rude. Let me explain what I mean.

I need to eat, frequently. I think I've mentioned that.
Sometimes things get in the way of me eating as I should.
Meltdowns occur, like last night.

Poor M is going nuts getting his place ready. I've been going nuts too trying to help as much as possible. His endurance is greater than mine. I feel bad if I don't keep up with him. I did not eat well before I left and did not feel like I could stop to eat when I got there.

Me: silent and sullen. Him: wondering what the hell is going on and did he do something wrong. Me: not able to communicate much, in between the crying. Him: going nuts trying to get me to say SOMEthing.

Oh, what a bad scenario. And it's happened more than once. I fall back on the 'I don't always/I can't always take care of myself.' Guess I have to get over that one a little more. No, I don't want him to shove food into my mouth. And yes, it would be helpful if he asked if I've eaten and suggest I eat something. There are way too many boring background details to explain why this sometimes/always doesn't work well with us.

Suffice to say, improvements are needed. And we'll work on them.

It's just interesting that last night I had these out of body experiences. My body and half of my mind was working like a 5 year old. I truly felt like I was a little kid. And the adult half was looking at me/ listening to me saying what the hell are you doing?? I took 2 minutes to shove something into my mouth, and 5 minutes later I had a greater ability to communicate.

Thing was, I wasn't feeling great all day. Just kinda down - I even resorted to retail therapy in the middle of the day (end of season 70% off at the local store - that's as high as I can go above thrift stores. I'm way too cheap). So, part of me was wondering if it was depression or something else. In the meantime, I'm lying on the floor in a semi-fetal position, crying (how embarrassing to admit it), or sitting in front of an open fridge shoving food into my mouth. Ugh, how nuts. But again, 5 minutes later, feeling fairly ok.

Food glorious food. And today, maybe, caffeine glorious caffeine. Working out problems in relationships takes way too many minutes/hours.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


Churlita said...

I have to eat all the time too, or I get cranky. I'm good about it at work because I'm bored. But at home, I get busy and forget to eat. Blood sugar levels are very important.

Ananda girl said...

Blood sugar levels... ugh. I sometimes forget to eat and have melt downs or get the shakes. I can tell people... I have to eat something NOW and they act like I have all the time in the world. Not everyone understands and once you are there, it is soooo hard to communicate.

But your fella must be starting to understand it. It took my family awhile, now someone offers me food if I get into my low sugar mode.

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I don't really eat breakfast, despite it is suppose to be the most important meal of the day..On weekends I will have bacon and pancakes.. that is my treat for the week.. I haven't really thought that not eating through the day or in the morning that it could effect me in the same way.. I know I drink way too much coffee and that itself may not be the wisest.. That's where I find my energy.. but crashing from overdoing the coffee isn't healthy either.. so maybe I will try harder to eat.. (not right when I wake up) yogourt or fruit would be better..

I know that if I'm bored I will graze on whatever is in the pantry.. Again not a wise habit..

Hopefully, you can find the right balance in eating more regularly, which may let you breathe a little more and not feel like you are falling apart at the seams..

Happy St. Patricks Day!

laura b. said...

I am familiar with that from the other side...DR gets a little weird when he needs food or even hydration. I think he started out feeling kind of insulted and/or embarrassed when I started asking him - do you need to eat something? But he is getting that I am trying to be helpful :-)

Pamela said...

Churlita, bored eating is dangerous for me... I eat baddd things.
Ananda - isn't it funny? they just don't get it. Trouble is, sometimes I get really picky when I'm at that stage. Not a good combo.
Mrs, you are making me hungry...
Laura, it does make me feel sometimes like a little kid, but it's necessary.