Missing U

ha.. Wish I could think of a word that is missing a u.  Qick?

In any event, feeling a little melancholic. I miss M, despite the many good reasons we should not be together. He's down in southern CA, making his own changes.  We do talk quite a bit.  I hate that whole transition thing where you slowly get further apart.  (For us who try to stay friend with or at least connected to ex's).  I had a dream with him in it last night, and I will not share the details. And won't with him either.

Sigh.  When I'm PMS-ing, I think about all the things I am not, which I wish I could be, in part to continue to be with him.  But that's not the way life works. I am who I am, and I do change over time, but only so much.  It's more than I ever thought, but again, there's only so much. I do wish I were more energetic and outwardly positive. I see how people react to it - of course people want to be around that!  I just feel awkward and introverted and brain-dull.

But to stop that, I'm going to go read other blogs.  Part of the reason I"m not writing so much is to not wallow in these negative thoughts. Even the times I've written here, I've avoided being negative. Perhaps that's a good thing.  Choices.

And, as ever, we'll see where my life goes.