Monday, October 22, 2007
A little privacy, please
OK, is there anyone you would NOT want to be reading your blog? Or anyone for whom it's just too late to tell?
I for one would never let my mom see it. Nor my brothers. No way.
I was talking with my therapist about blogs (she's behind the times) and I realized there's no way I want her to read it. And I don't know why not. She hears so much from me that comes from deep inside. I guess I just need a little bit of privacy/control over what she sees/hears.
And finally, my husband does not know about my blog. I started it partly as a way to figure out what the hell I was doing with him, and what to do about it all. He's a very private person, so there's no way he'd be happy about it, even though it's 'anonymous' (some of my flesh and blood friends vs. virtual friends know about it, so not so anonymous). And I don't want to stop, or delete the stuff about him, so, it's a big secret. And once you have one or two big secrets, they can multiply like bunny cakes.
For this reason I can't join Namoblomoplo or whatever it's called. When I write at home, I have to do it after my husband has gone to bed, or when he's showering, or off exercising. And be sure to delete the private data on Firefox so there's no record of me being where I was. Sneaking. I've become good at sneaking - perhaps not such a good thing to be good at. Maybe fate will intervene, and my blog info will get lost in cyberspace, and I'll start anew and be able to say, oh, by the way, I'm a blogger. But I won't hold my breath, and I really don't want that to happen.
Or maybe conversely, he'll 'catch' me writing on my blog (in quotes, because it's not evil or anything, just a secret). And I'd see what happens. I dislike having secrets, and it seems like I'm living with so many now. For example, most of the people in my life don't know I was even living apart from my husband for a while. Also, not too many people know I'm taking anti-depressants, though I've been trying to be quite open about that, but not to the point of working it into random conversations ("wow, this is great pie" "yeah, it goes well with anti-depressants").
I grew up in a family that didn't talk about ANYTHING, and I've tried to live my life conversely, but I guess it's just reality that not everyone needs to know everything, and you always gotta decide where those lines are. I would like a husband I can say anything to, but I've never felt that way with my husband, and that is bad. But, I'm not going along that path at the moment... gotta keep some things secret for a little while longer. :-)