OK, I promise after this post I'll put something more exciting up - I may start a series about Africa.
But, this morning I sat down and had a conversation with my supervisors about my depression and the impact it has on my job, and the accommodations I've made and acknowledged the accommodations they are making. This is all a part of taking control of my life after falling back into the depression and realizing it's not going away any time soon and I have to take charge (more so) to make my life better. It wasn't to make excuses for my performance/behavior, it was to try and put a different lens on it. To have them acknowledge and to acknowledge to myself that it's a struggle. It's a supportive environment, so I'm lucky.
I did one very difficult thing. I asked that I no longer be a supervisor. I tried, but right now in my life is not a good time. I'm missing out on a learning opportunity, but I just can't deal with it right now. I've cried about it this morning to my sister, and she said the appropriate supporting words. It's still hard though because I'm not a quitter. And I need to see this as not quitting, but rather taking care of myself. But it still sucks.
I'm glad it's raining! Fits the mood... But the sun will shine again. And there's Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the kitchen.
It's amazing what a book (Eat, Pray, Love) and an editorial (Dali Lama) will do.