Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Creeping feeling of overwhelmingness

I need to practice meditation. Or the art of forgetting. I'm going away on vacation for 5 days to relax, and I don't want my creeping feeling of overwhelmingness taking over. Any hints?

What's happening:
- work. things haven't done. will be waiting for me when I get back. too much.
- since I got the go ahead from my lawyer to sign a lease on a place, I wrote to the person that I was going to take an apt. from and said no initially, and it's still available. which is good but:
-> then I have to move in mid April (do I?)
-> hubby and I haven't finished splitting stuff up. haven't even made an appnt. with a mediator
-> I have to pack
-> I have to get my name off the home bills
-> I have to get new cell phone service, alone
-> I won't have friends immediately around and I fear getting into a major funk/depression when I'm alone
-> it'll hit home that we're splitting up, when up until now it's been a little surreal
- I worry about my surviving cat being alone

I'd like to stay with friends, but I know I could become a burden and feel bad about being in people's way. I have two sets of friends/two homes that are open to me, and I've only been staying with one, so I could switch homes. But really I shouldn't do that and should move on, but I wonder if one of the reasons I've been able to survive this whole thing so far is because I have indeed had people around. Crap. I have to figure this out.

11 comments:

Tera said...

Well don't think about it too much NoR...you know in your heart that things will work out, and fresh starts are always lonely at first, but then you're grateful later.

No Regrets right?!

WNG said...

One step at a time, kiddo. They kind of roll into one another anyway. Start with the most mundane tasks (the bills, the cell phone) and move on. Know that you are strong and beautiful and that you can do this.

squirrel said...

No great hints, I'm afraid. Usually if I feel bad, meditation makes it worse (yoga or some other activity makes it better). Making a list when I'm overwhelmed helps. Hang in there!

Tara said...

What you should do for your vacation is maybe erase that list that you just made about what to worry about, disconnect your computer and spend some time at a spa if possible.

Do you have a neighbor who can watch your cat?

NoRegrets said...

Thanks for all your advice. I just need to break it down into parts. And am trying to. I am going to take the place, but starting the 22nd or something to give me more time. And my husband has the cat for now, so I don't have a problem. OK< meeting in 10 minutes that I have to run!!!

Churlita said...

You'll be surprised at how it becomes natural to be by yourself and not feel lonely and even like it. Now,I have to make myself go out because it seems so much easier to hang out by myself. But when I first got divorced it seemed inconceivable and overwhelming.

evil-e said...

everyone deals with their stuff differently....

Try to enjoy the day and the moment, relax with those days off. All of the other stuff will be there when you are back.

heather said...

hey, if things don't settle down here maybe we can be roommates for a while!

you can teach me how to quilt. (i've made two baby size. neither one came out all that great.)

i'll teach you to drink and smoke.

lol, what a trip and a half that would be.

gotta find the humor in everyday nor. if you don't you may wind up bitter and vindictive as hell like my mom did.
i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

If you're really looking for sitting still tricks, let me know. Some of the stuff we did to prep for your jumps were things I stole directly from mindfulness classes

Suzanne said...

I hope your vacation is relaxing and therapeutic.

NoRegrets said...

Hi alll, thanks for your words yet again. Vacation was a great time away. I only really thought about life a few times when I missed my husband (which I didn't when we were together - taking someone for granted?) and on the way home, when I knew reality was coming back. And I was going to need to do so much. And going to be alone.... ah well.

Heather, I've smoked before, but all it did was make me dizzy, so not sure that's something I'd do. Not sure that it's like whiskey - gotta learn to appreciate it. :-) But of COURSE I can teach you to quilt. You just have to realize it'll never be perfect.

And bitter and vindictive - well, I went through that stage.