Twitter Tues - karmic justice

Would it be karmic justice if the people who paid to go watch some of those evil gory detailed torture movies (Saw, etc.) were locked in a theater one day and forced to endure the same?

Screwed

Biking to work today, I ran over a screw. Flat tire! Luckily and amazingly I had everything I needed, so I sat in the sun on the grass and was entertainment for the commuters driving by. Three people offered to help, which restored my faith in humanity.

Please dispose of your screws properly.

Pornelmo

Sweaty yoga

Yesterday I did sweaty yoga. Have you ever done it? 105 degree room, 40% humidity, posing. I was honestly quite scared of it - I thought for sure I would pass out. But I didn't, and only had to take 2 breaks. But man, I must have sweat at least a quart of liquid. Gallon? I can't see getting addicted to it. By the end of the day yesterday I was wiped, and not in a good way. I'll try it once more next Sat (a week pass was $5 more than the day pass) and give it one last shot. Then I'll move back to regular yoga, which I have determined to start up again after seeing my friend practice it at home and how strong/together she is.

Image from Boogiewoogie India.

Saturday Hunt - Sciolsm

OK this word was really difficult for me - the way I understood it was a superficial knowledge of science. Maybe I misunderstood the definition. But here goes:

These clouds and the wind that accompanied them mean that the weather was changing.


Water and leaves and time = compost.


And btw that's not a fake hand. It's mine.

COBRA premium reduction

Gotta love WFMU listeners. One of my favorite DJ's was laid off from his real job, and in the comments today someone was giving advice on COBRA. Did you know you can get money back from the government for 9 months for COBRA if you get laid off? See site below.

DOL Website

Tales from the slopes

What I did on my March vacation:

I skied with three different groups of people the three days I skied.

Day 1: My friend's husband and his two friends (twins). It was a spring day, and my first day skiing all year, so thankfully the whole group was a 'blue' type of group. And everyone was very very nice. I'm a slow skiier, and they'd always wait, which was wonderful. About half of the way through the day I realized why the twins looked familiar - they looked like Kevin Kline! So, I spent the day skiing with two Kevin Klines, which was great, since I think he's good looking. (Both of them are married, alas.)

Day 2: I met up with a friend who lives in CO. Again, spring skiing, and all the natives decided to do other things that day so the slopes were empty. My friend had actually gone climbing on Saturday, it was that warm. Anyways, we had a great great day. It's always wonderful to see her. At lunch I texted a friend and said we were hanging out in bikinis, and of course he wanted a photo. So, we stripped and had photos taken and texted it back. The women who took the photos were a little nervous we were going to take it all off, but no, we didn't.

Day 3: Day after migraine 1. Kinda wished it wouldn't snow the night before so I didn't have to ski. But it did snow - there was 3-6" of new snow and that's pretty rare in my world, so I convinced my friend's daughter to really truly get up and go skiing. We started out late, which was good, so it was a short day. It was great - winter had returned and with new snow, it was a completely different experience even though I was back at the same slopes as day 1. The best was going through the trees - there was even more snow there and a section that wasn't very steep, so kinda floating along. I did round a corner once and almost smashed into a tree, but steered around. I have some control...

And thankfully that was it. Three days in a row is a limit for sure. Alas, I had yet another migraine that night. I have to figure out what to do. But I'm so happy that I got to go skiing and that my skis and boots worked so well, and my legs were strong enough not to be sore at all.

More tales will come.

Photos from CO

A sunny day shot.


A snowy/windy day shot


Where I barfed at Keystone in 2006.


Artsy fartsy shot. I love how it glows on the snow.


Relaxing after skiing.


And finally, a shot of me... Don't say I never put a picture of myself on this blog.

Lunch from CO

I'll write some interesting stuff on my trip, but right now I just have to share that WalMart subs are quite disgusting. What did I expect for $2.50 you ask? I thought it odd that there would be a Subway inside a Walmart, and then they'd have a display case of subs right there. But I fell for it and went for the cheaper option. Thing is, who ever falls for it twice? I guess people who don't have that extra $2.50. I feel very sorry for them and may go work at WalMart if I lose half my job, to be the greeter that says under her breath, don't buy those subs!

Spring and Winter in one trip

A quick update:
- I did not barf at altitude. YAY.
- I skied three days. 2 days in spring and 1 in winter (powder today)
- My boots are GREAT.
- I got one migraine.
- I learned a lot about my past (my friend is my hard drive).
- My friend has done an amazing job raising her kids - they are so wonderful.
- Best idea for a guy for a Halloween costume - Irish man, with kilt, and humungous dildo underneath the kilt. (friend's husband did it)
- I need to figure out a good thank you present to send my friend.

Hope everyone is well. I'm going to go get a snack now. I fly home tomorrow. Thank goodness, because I'd feel the need to ski a 4th day and I"m BEAT.

Not sure what to title this

I came home from work today, put my bike in the back, walked to the front since I don't have a back door lock yet, and this caught my eye:

Right in the middle of the front lawn! I had not seen/noticed it before, and there it was in full bloom. So wonderful.

And then, the tree to the side of my house is starting to pop. I tried to take a good photo, but here's the blurred result.


Spring is coming, so what do I do? I am leaving tomorrow to go skiing in Colorado. Sigh. Where it's 70 degrees in Denver. Sigh. I am hoping hoping I can get some halfway decent skiing in. But it is / will be better than nothing, which is what it would be otherwise. Next year no way am I waiting this long in the year...

So, I'll be back Tuesday. Don't ransack the place. I might be able to check in, might not. Staying with a friend, but also will be tired I'm sure. Oh, that's why I was researching altitude remedies, btw. Last time I went to CO I barfed the whole time. Don't want a repeat.

twittering continued

Wrapper from stinky cheese nearby + unlicked bowl from eating peppermint ice cream nearby + cat on chest with face by my face = thought that the cat has somehow brushed his teeth and it really didn't work.

Invisibility

If gmail says I'm invisible, then I am, right? Then why did everyone point and stare when I walked down the street naked?

money money

Not to sound republican or anything, and I really do think it's an incredible load of bull that AIG "has to" pay out bonuses so they don't get sued, but I wonder how many millions of dollars the US government wastes by never laying off people in government jobs, and paying out money to contractors to do work government employees should be doing.

preventing/curing altitude sickness

Think good thoughts. Oh wait, that's attitude sickness.

I've read that Ginkgo biloba helps, so I'm off to find some. Of course, when I read that, I think Ginkgo Balboa and want to pull out my boxing gloves.

Payment in Jokes

My payment yesterday for helping a man with a torn rotator cuff with his coat? A joke.

How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meet Patty.

Failed liberation

Near my house there's 'revitalization' going on. One new building is going up, and it'll have a nice shiny new grocery store, I have heard. I can't wait. Next door is an old old grocery store and general shopping strip mall shopping center. Every store is boarded up except the grocery store.

This weekend I walked by the freestanding store and noticed tulips coming up. And being the scavenger I am, I thought, they are just going to get destroyed when they tear up the place, so maybe I should liberate them from their current location. I mentioned it to friends, and some were supportive, some not. Well, since it rained all weekend I went over there late yesterday to get some.

Carrying my bucket and gardening tools, I tried to pretend I wasn't this crazy woman stealing tulips from a shopping center. I thought it unwise to bring a shovel, but turns out I needed one. They planted those damn tulips really deep! I dug with the tools, I dug with my hands. After 'destroying' 3-4x as many bulbs as I liberated, I realized it was in the poor plants' best interest to give up (I tore off the greens, but the bulbs are still there).

I walked away dejectedly back to my car, stopping only to wash my hands in a puddle in the parking lot.

Yes, I'm nuts.

Saturday Hunt - Treat

It's Easter candy time (oh, wait, there's a religious event associated with the candy? oh, oops). In any event, I wait every year for these to appear - my annual treat. This year I couldn't find them near where I work, so I hunted them down near where I live. AND they were on sale - two bags for one - what a treat! So, I'm already almost through the first bag, and I'm trying to convince myself that I really don't ever want to eat them again, but it's not working yet.

What an act

Cartwheel

I did it! Cartwheel in the hallway at work. My palms were sweating I was so nervous, which is ridiculous. I had to do two practice ones in the workroom to make me feel better, but then I did it. Woo hoo!

Essence

I was imagining a conversation in my head the other day (what I seem to do to work things out), and I figured out the sort of 10 words or less answer to what are the essentials I need in a man.

Comfortable with emotions (his and partner's) and bodies (his and partner's).

Comfortable is a loaded word and I could go on and explain more, but I like the 11 word answer for now.

On to something else

That kind of person

So, do you know anybody who gives gives gives?
Are they secure in themselves?
Do they give because it makes them feel good?
Do they give because they are good?
Or do they give in order to create attachment?
Do you think there's such a person?
Would you care as long as you were the recipient?
Would you be willing to receive, receive, receive?

I had a boyfriend once who gave gave gave. I'd mention something, and poof, there it was. OK, not outlandish things, but oh I like that chair, and he'd want to give it to me. Sure, I have a hard time letting people help me, but this, to me, was so obviously a way to connect himself to me. As if giving me herpes wasn't enough. Anyhoo... He would get so upset when I wouldn't take half/most of the stuff. Like I was rejecting HIM and not the item.

I'm having flashbacks. Oh, and it's so bad. Mr doorman guy. I've struggled with it the whole time I have known him. Today, I was harassing the maintenance guy after he came in with a McDonald's bag. I asked him for a fry. He walked of saying he didn't have any, for me that is, because he liked them. So I made him give me a fry (and I was hungry too, so it was good). Mr doorman guy looks at me and says, you want fries? If I went to McDonald's now and got some and brought them up, would you eat them? I just said no. I only wanted one. And he gets upset.

Sure sure, this could be seen as he was jealous I was interacting with Mr. Maintenance guy, but it's happened before. I'll just be talking with him and mention that it would be nice to have some frozen custard, and he wants to buy it for me. NO, thank you. And he wonders why women he's been with end up taking advantage of him - because he sets it up that way!

Ugh, I shouldn't care because I have other things to deal with in my life, but while I used to enjoy going down and joking, now all I get when I go down is that I'm not down there enough. I don't speak spanish with him enough. I don't take all the gifts he offers. I asked him how to say fuck you in spanish so I could say it to him, but he wouldn't tell me. I said it in somewhat of a joking way, but yes, I can be a bitch. Then I asked him how to say woe is me, but he didn't understand woe. He talks about how his life sucks, and how his teenage son is taking advantage of him and moving away from him, but he makes little effort to change his life. I guess maybe I've lost respect for the man.

And maybe I just needed to get this all out so I don't blow up at him. And get over it and go down and say hello again. Because it's a responsibility I feel I have. And will continue.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
the wisdom to know the difference
and the patience to allow time to figure out which is which
and not smack people's heads in the meantime
or my own.

immigrants/white minority

Driving home on Sunday I caught the end of a song. The lyrics were great:

white Americans, what?
nothing better to do?
why don't you kick yourself out
you're an immigrant too.

who's using who? what should we do?
well, you can't be a pimp
and a prostitute too.

Turns out it's Icky Thump from White Stripes.

It got me to wondering about the stuff that's been going around about whites in the US eventually becoming a minority. I found a great piece on The Myth of the White Minority. Here's something interesting:
So what explains the persistent drumbeat about the impending white minority? A statistical distortion: the exclusion of Hispanic whites. If only non-Hispanic whites are counted, the white population today amounts to 66 percent of the total, and will hit around 46 percent by 2050.

But excluding whites of Hispanic origin from the overall white population makes no more sense than excluding whites of Slavic or Scandinavian origin. "Hispanic" is not a race. It is an ethnic category. As the Census Bureau repeatedly points out, Hispanics can be of any race. In the 2000 census, 48 percent of Hispanics identified themselves as white; Harvard sociologist Orlando Patterson has characterized them as "white in every social sense of this term." Bottom line: Of the 46.6 million Hispanics in the United States today, at least 22 million are white.

I love particularly the ending:
With a little luck, common sense, and goodwill, it will seem as odd in 2050 to focus on "non-Hispanic whites" as it would today to insist that only "non-German whites" are really white.

Better still, perhaps by then we will have really progressed, and abandoned the pernicious notion of racial categories altogether.

Change (Sat. Hunt) and WFMU report

First off, signs of change in Jersey City. A new building going up around the old.


Here's the older in the new. I thought this looked cool.


I love interesting/artistic graffiti.


The entrance to WFMU.


Phone room on the left. Studio on the right.


In the phone room.


What can you find in this photo?


So, had a great time at WFMU. Didn't do a whole lot because not a lot of people called, but the people who were there were fun. I pledged some money and I think I may have won something, but not sure because I actually was on a call. I'll listen to the archives.

Also took my nieces and my sister climbing, and my mom out to dinner. I made the mistake of letting my mom look at the menu, because of course she wanted to get the cheapest thing so she wouldn't be spending too much. Ugh. But she got what she really wanted (because I ordered) and enjoyed it. Woo hoo!

Donating Change - call tomorrow and you might get me!

Volunteering for WFMU. 1800-989-9368
12-3 EST on the Glen Jones Radio Program...

random thought

I periodically wonder if I could do a cartwheel down the hall and not hit the walls.

The quilt I made for charity

So, I'm done. Only 2 weeks late, but I'm done. Ish. I still have to cut loose threads, and sew up a few things by hand. But it's done. Should I point out all the flaws or should I let you look at it as a whole? Quilting always has a lesson for life.

BTW, seriously, what do you think would be a reasonable price? If you were to buy it, and not pressuring you, what would you pay if you had the money? Measurements 30" x 41". I was anxious for a little while that there are no bids...but I did what I could do and can't control the bidding. Still, I wonder what a reasonable price is...

My romance

Got a link to the Harlequin website where you can create your own romance story based on you and your love interest's name. Here's my story abstract:

Adventurer Beauregard grieved the loss of his wife and baby. Then he discovers his son is alive—and living with an adoptive mother—award-winning writer Pamela. Despite the secrets and lies, Beauregard can't deny the truth: adventurous Pamela loves the boy. Yet Beauregard grew up without a father and won't do that to his own child.

When someone dangerous comes after them, adventurer Beauregard takes Pamela and his son into hiding in the Australian Outback. As he grows closer to them, he discovers much about family life. After his dark, troubled past, he's finally found faith and family. And he'll do anything to protect both.

Damn, I better go get that adopted baby so my romance life can come true!

Though, in reality, my friends are telling me, and I should be telling me too, to stay away from men for a while. I have this habit of jumping into relationships, never being alone. As I think I've mentioned. So, I'm stopping my Valtrex, and trying to find myself as an alone woman. But man, I could use a hug.

Secretary Clinton and disability

The international disability community was very excited by this question and answer. We'll see if she follows through.

QUESTION: Good afternoon, Madame Secretary. It’s an honor to be working under your leadership, and I look forward to the challenges that you present. My name is Stephanie Ortoleva .. I work in the Bureau of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor.

I basically wanted to ask you a question about what do you think can be the role that we can play, which you’ve illuminated – you’ve given us a little bit of illumination on that – but also what role can our colleagues who work in women’s rights organizations and disability rights organizations, what role can those colleagues play in supporting you in your efforts to advance the rights of women and the rights of people with disabilities as part of an integral part of United States foreign policy?

SECRETARY CLINTON: That’s a wonderful question. I thank you for it. You know, I think it was 1997, I came to this auditorium, the Dean Acheson Auditorium, with Madeleine Albright, who was Secretary of State, and addressed a large crowd like this about the commitment that the Clinton Administration had to including women as an integral part of foreign policy, not as an afterthought, not as an adjunct, but in recognition of the fact that we know from a myriad of studies and research that the role of women is directly related to democracy and human rights. And I feel similarly about people with disabilities.

It’s important to recognize that expanding the circle of opportunity and increasing the democratic potential of our own society, as well as those across the world, is a continuing process of inclusion. And I look forward to working on behalf of the rights of women and people with disabilities, and others as well, as we pursue our foreign policy. Because I think it sends a clear message about who we are as a people, the evolution that we have undergone.

I remember as First Lady traveling to many countries that had no recognition of the rights of people with disabilities. They were literally warehoused, often in the most horrific conditions. There were no laws. There were no requirements for education or access. And it struck me then and – we’ve made some progress, but insufficient.. It certainly is part of my feeling now that we have to always be hoping and working toward greater inclusion as a key part of what our values are and what we believe democracy represents. So I’m going to look to working with those of you in the Department and at USAID and with our allies and friends outside who have carried on this work over the years. And you can count on my commitment to you on that.

Resurgence of 3D

Saw Coraline this weekend in 3D (fantastical story). While the 3D moments were really cool, it was a movie that didn't really need to be in 3D. Which led me to wonder which movies I would never ever want to see in 3D. At first I couldn't think of one, but now I'm thinking something like Saving Private Ryan. Or the Nutty Professor with Eddie Murphy.

What other movie?

Saturday Hunt - End

OK, sorry, I can't find my book, or rather, I don't want to take the time to find my book. If I could find this book, I would have take a photo of the end. The last page says: Everything in this book may be wrong. And then the last page after that says: Everything in this book may be wrong. The end comes twice.

Why is that? Well, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah is about that what the title says. But he has this book that you open it up and you see what you need to see at that time. Lessons for the advanced soul as it says. And the last page in the book you/me are holding comes twice, because it's a lesson that you ultimately take out of something what you want and need, and ultimately there is no right or wrong.

I can't tell you how influential this book was to me in my early teenage years. I may have already written about it, but I've been thinking about it again and should read it again. It's the first time I heard the concept that you aren't responsible for others' reactions to you. You are who you are and people will react according to who they are. You have no control over that. Now, just because I heard that at age 15 or whenever, doesn't mean it sunk in. I think 25 ish years later, I'm still trying to learn that lesson. That I live my life according to what's best for me, and that's all I can do.

I'm seguing (segue-ing?) into some stuff that's been on my mind which is beyond the normal scavenger hunt, so fair warning, you can end now if you're just here for the hunt.

I have realized I get very defensive if anyone asks why I got divorced. What happened. I've tried to use the answer 'because'. But that doesn't always work. I know I don't need to explain to anyone my life, but I guess I feel I am being judged. I gotta get over that. Some people I think want to use my experience as a lens to look at their own lives. Well, that's ok, but my experience is not your experience. I mean, I admit that I seek out people who seem to understand my specific experience so I can feel a little bit better and there are indeed other people out there who were married to good people, but it just didn't work. My realtor, my home loan person, others. And there are people I know who stay in a marriage for reasons that would not be acceptable to me, and that's fine too, as long as I don't have to live that life. In the past I was always seeking a 'right' and a 'wrong' and there's no such thing in life. There is a huge lesson to be learned.

Speaking of judging, I am truly truly blessed to have a few people in my life who do NOT judge. They are there despite the many mistakes I make - some of which are HUGE and some really hurtful to myself, and some to other people. But they listen and provide a mirror and acceptance and support and forgiveness. I truly hope that I can and do do the same. This is one of my fears from the ending of my marriage - that despite appearances I may put on, that I am NOT an accepting person. That I want people to be just like me, or do what *I* think is right. I fully admit that there was an element of that in the failure of my marriage - though you could look at it as he could never be who I needed him to be rather than he could never be what I wanted him to be. I prefer the former interpretation, and this is part of why it didn't work.

Change hurts. Emotions are sometimes painful. I'm willing to ride the roller coaster, but I'm not always happy about it. I do things that make the ride bumpier and I can come close to depression, and again, thankfully I have support for when I do such things to myself. But more and more, I have my own mirror that I look into to find that strength, to find that forgiveness, to find that acceptance. And this magic mirror is created by me and held by me - my goal is to pull it out more and more - not to lose my need for others and my need for love and happiness, but to help create that for myself and be able to spread the wealth from myself to others, all the while keeping me #1 and seeking someone who does the same.