There was a time in the past several years when I was so depressed I made plans to take my own life. I did not of course, else this would be ghost writing. Har har...
Anyway, just getting to that point profoundly altered me. Most people will never get to that point, which is a good thing. Some will go beyond planning and actually try. And some will try and succeed. Which is very sad, to put it mildly.
I was altered in that now every day consciously or subconsciously I choose life because I found that it is indeed possible for me to choose 'not life'. I don't take life for granted anymore. I still think too much sometimes, and feel too much sometimes. I still get overwhelmed, and I still feel depressed at times. But knowing that I can choose 'not life' has made my choice for life and my life itself a little bit more precious. And more important somehow.
Re-reading this, it sounds very strange. But really it is a movement towards a different choice - a choice for happiness, for comfort, for acceptance of myself, for forgiveness, and more. A very active life without moving a muscle. And sometimes that choice for the positive is not always easy, but it needs to be made.
Dying is easy. It's living that scares me to death. [OK, Susan, for $500,000. What song is that from?] Living is scary sometimes, but it's well worthwhile. And I like a challenge.
Choose life. Choose happiness.