It's a Get Fuzzy Day

Made me laugh - delayed reaction though!

Climbing Joshua Tree

OK, I HAD to replace that other photo with something I at least could look at. The weather is getting better and thoughts turn to climbing outside. This is a photo of me rock climbing in Joshua Tree National Park. It's a lovely lovely place whose routes spank your beeehind regularly. One time I went with my husband (his first time) and he's a 5.10 trad climber - He jumped on a 9 immediately even though I told him not to, and promptly got his beehind spanked. He was frustrated after that. But it's good to have a place that humbles you. I have a friend who owns a house near there, so it hopefully will be a regular destination over the years. (He rents it out, so if you want a great place for relatively cheap for a weekend or week, let me know and I'll email you his information. It's also a great place to hike, and just generally relax. Also near Palm Springs.)

Funny or Freaky?

For me, well, I'm not going to be able to look at my own blog. FREAKY I say. Ugh.

The return - the end

I went back to Danhiko to pack for a few days and then headed off to the rural areas to visit a friend in Tshanaugwe, Matabeleland, south of Bulawayo. The bus ride from Bulawayo was amazing - two hours or so south of Bulawayo on a paved road, and then 3 or 4 hours on a dirt road. Amazingly enough it had been raining (the area is constantly having droughts, and it looks like there will be another this year) which was great for the farmers, but not good for the road. I sat in the back, and on a few bumps I almost hit the ceiling. One crossing we reached was almost impassable because the river was very full. We stopped so the driver could decide what to do and I got out of the bus. Boy did everyone stare! A white woman, never mind just a white, out in the rural areas. Unfortunately I can't speak Ndebele or Sotho or Venda, so all I could do was smile and make the children embarrassed by sticking out my hand for them to shake. I took my camera out to take a photo of the bus and the people by the river and the women getting water at the borehole, and one woman said 'photo please' so everyone gathered and posed for a photo. It was great! I took a photo of a man leading some women acorss the river, and they made me take a photo of them posed at the river's edge.

I arrived at F's safe and sound thought, and had a wonderful time. They killed a goat on my arrival (F offered to let me do it, jokingly, but I declined). I would have helped them skin it but he said it was OK and we had goat and sadza the time I was there, although I never ate enough to satisfy F's mother. the whole time I was there I wanted to help out with the duties, but I don't think I was strong enough to do anything. His sister could lift a big bucket of water and plop it on her head, but I couldn't even lift it, never mind put it on my head. F let me try ploughing with the oxen for about 30 seconds, but it would have taken too long to learn to do it well, so I just watched.

On Sunday F's brothers took me to church, about an 9 km walk way. The service is conducted outsdie, inside a big circle marked by rocks. I sat with F's cousin, T, with teh women and watched. After 15 minutes or so I recognized the word Murungu, meaning white person or European in Shona, and realized the preacher was talking about me. Everyone turned to stare, and I just smiled. An assistant came over to translate for me, and it turned out that I was being welcomed, and they were searching for a Bible in English for me. It was also said that it was an honor to have me, the second white person to ever come (D being the first), there and that God was great to bring me there. It was astounding to think I was only the second white person to attend their services. The service was beautiful, with people dancing and spinning in the sun, dust flying up and the drums beating the tune.

It's now been three weeks that I've been home, and it's been crazy. I went around visiting a graduate school, visiting friends I haven't seen in ages, talking to administrators and grad students and anyone else I could get a hold of about jobs and graduate schools, and managed to get an interview and a job offer in NYC which I have already refused and I am still poor therefore, and looking for a better job, or a paying internship which will lead me where I want to go, which is international management, I believe. I did get my hands on my friend's class (5th grade) and it was great. In the beginning I asked what they thought about Africa when they thought about it, and the answers were the typical animals and jungles and starving black people and naked black people, so it was a lot of fun to show them some slides and talk to them. They wrote thank you cards the next day thanking me for telling them about "Afirca" and goats heads and such. I'm glad I could help change some misconceptions.

[Note: I really really hope I brought presents to the family that I visited! I know what an honor and sacrifice it was to kill a goat.]

One thing that makes me happy

Vegetables! Specifically, I took my mom this weekend to a local farm market that had great great vegetables. Beets with good greens still attached, so you get a two-for-one when you buy a bunch. New red potatoes. Wax beans (for my mom). Early strawberries. Rhubarb that's thin and red (both characteristics are what you want). Nice nice celery roots (to make the wonderful dish for my friends this week). Black radishes! which I haven't seen in years - you slice them realllll thin, buy some crusty white bread, good butter, and a good ale, and you put the radish on the butter on the bread and follow it with a swig of beer...soooo good. It's a German thing apparently. I should have bought the half sour pickles, but didn't. Now I'm regretting it... OH NO! I'm supposed to be a woman with no regrets! :-)

Telling nieces about divorce

Well, I think I did a good job. My sister told me they were asking if Uncle X was coming this weekend, and so I figured it'd be good for me to tell them.

We were all swinging on the hammock, so I asked them if they had friends in school whose parents don't live together anymore. They said yes. I then said, so you know what divorce is? Yes... OK, well Uncle X and I are unfortunately getting a divorce so you won't be seeing much of him anymore. The older looked at me - are you kidding? Nope, sorry. Then not too much after that. I'm sure it's sinking in and there will be questions to my sister. But then again, maybe not. Kids can be surprising.

Scavenger Hunt - Stuffed

Well, tonight is a true scavenger hunt. I have no camera, and also no thoughts of what I should do to address the word, so I did a google search for the word stuffed and photo, and chose one of the top 5. This poor guy supposedly looks like he's eaten a lot, but to me he looks stuffed as in taxidermied. (yes, I know that's a made up word). If I had a camera, and some dates and walnuts, an idea I just thought of would have been to take a photo of stuffed dates, which would be good right now.

I gotta ask Churlita to pick the next, since she's so stuffed full of time this weekend and usually stuffed full of ideas.

Wonder-ful

One of the things about having the illness that I have is that I'm supposed to eat all the things that current wisdom says you shouldn't. White rice, white bread, etc. Yum... Right now I'm eating a doughy pretzel with lots of salt. I wish I had some Wonder Bread though. I love peeling out the insides [nooo....! screams the slice] and squishing it all into a heavy ball, and then gnawing on that.

Quirk is as Quirk does

Here are the rules:1. link the person who tagged you, Tera. 2. mention the rules in your blog…3. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours4. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them. leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

1. I have a thing for plastic bags. I cannot throw them away, because there's ALWAYS a use to be found for them. When my husband and I moved into our house, at our old townhouse he found the various places in the house that I had hidden plastic bags so he wouldn't find them and throw them away. I haven't heard the end of it, and never will. I have ONCE put a bag of plastic bags in the plastic bag recycling bin at the supermarket, but they were all bags that were ripped and had no other use that I could think of.

2. For the most part, I have the stomach of a goat. I eat food that is somewhat marginal and I'm usually ok. I was obviously distracted Monday night by something that made me eat something that was beyond marginal, and even today I am eating white rice for lunch. So, on second thought, maybe it wasn't the food... And let me tell you, I like farting, mind you, but when white rice and applesauce cause the amount of gas I'm producing, I'm even getting sick of it!

3. I do not like dogs licking me in the face.

4. I do like licking guys in the face, specifically the nose. Not random guys - boyfriend or equivalent.

5. I have the same middle name as my mother who has the same middle name as her mother, except my mother uses her mother's first name as her middle name even though legally it's the same as mine. If I had a little girl, my middle name would be her first name and I would if I could make my mom's first name her middle name.

6. Cher and I are twins separated at birth and I kinda like it. Though damn her for getting Sonny first.

Tag: EvilE, Squirrel, Heather, Eslocura, G, WNG (I know some are repeats, and I know Es has much bigger things on her mind, but maybe it might be a way to get back into blogging later...)

Why my car is my home

Ok, so here's my living schedule for the next month or so:
2 days: at my house
Friday: at my friends S&R
Sat: my mom
Sun-Thurs: S&R
Fri-Sat: WW (to take care of her dog)
Sun-5/14: S&R
5/15-5/21: WW
5/22-5/24: Arkansas for work (?)
5/24-26: away somewhere TBD (long weekend)
5/26-6/4: S&R
6/5-6/21(?): B&L (where I have been to date)
6/22-I buy a house: S&R

Thankfully for a lot of the time I'm actually helping people out since they will be away, and it'll be like I have a home, except I'll be living with not my cat, but other people's pets. And I thought it was bad now waking up and not knowing where I am...it's going to happen every day!

A good thing?

So, if a gay guy looks at you (a woman) and says with much sincerity, "you look good today", is that a good thing? Or, is he thinking you look like Cher?

I'm old, I need advice

OK, so I just got the wireless bill and since it's my only source of communication I'm way over minutes and have to pay a ton of money (I'm still on the shared plan with my husband).

I'm with Verizon, and plan to stay with them. So, it seems to me that if all I care about is minutes, I only have two choices - either pay $60 for 450 minutes or $99 for unlimited. Is this normal?

All I want is to use my device as a phone. I get occasional texts, but it's not my life. And I guess if I plan on not getting a land line, then I need unlimited. Have I answered my own question? My initial worry was that if I move somewhere where DSL is not available, then I might need my land line for dial up. But realistically, nfw would I go back to dial up.

So, um, thanks for all your help. :-)

Curry kicks my butt again

Someone in Scavenger Hunt land recently bought a new item to try that was curry-based. I said I wouldn't tell my curry story on her comment section, but I have to tell it now, because curry has kicked my butt again. Had a curried chicken sandwich last night that apparently was bad. Let's just say I haven't eaten anything yet today, and am trying to keep down soda.

My other curry story is the time my boyfriend and I hiked the grand canyon. All the way down, camped overnight, and hiked back up the next day. We carried way too much stuff, it was a sunny day, and by the bottom I had heat stroke. The only food we had brought was the freeze dried meals, and it was the bright yellow curry. Believe me, spewing bright yellow is no fun.

This is not to say I do not like curry. I really do like it when it's not the americanized version - bright yellow and a standard flavor. I like when there are different proportions of the components of curry. Oh, but I need to stop typing about it and go back to sleep. Have a great day.

The blues they sent to greet me won't defeat me

It's raining raining raining. It rained rained rained yesterday as I was looking at places to potentially buy. A good test to see if water runs inside anywhere. It was a disconcerting day. I have to rethink my choices...

But, I was met at the end of the day with a home cooked dinner (I really want my friend to be my wife - she's great), and a few episodes of Robot Chicken. Now, I was all gung ho about Robot Chicken because of one excellent episode a while back, but it was disappointing since then. Until last night. Most of it sucked, but one thing was great. Snort worthy.

Two guys floating in the space shuttle, complaining about the food rations. "NASA food sucks!". One guy says "Hey, I know what can make this food better. Hey KoolAid!" And the KoolAid creature comes busting through the rear, and of course they all get sucked out into space to die.

Then later, two guys are in a bomb shelter type thing, having avoided being killed and eaten by zombies. There's tons of food on the shelves, but one guy thinks it needs something. "Hey KoolAid!" And KoolAid creature comes busting in, but it's a zombie and so it eats the heads off the guys and blood comes gushing out.

It's so sick, but I'm laughing just writing about it.

Part of the reason I love KoolAid creature is that there's a memory from when I was the token female of a group of 4 guys (I was dating one of them). Someone in the neighborhood was silly enough to leave a huge Mr. KoolAid on his front porch. Just begging to be stolen. So, we did! It's really difficult to run with a huge KoolAid creature. And difficult to fit it into a car. And difficult to hide it once you have it. Of course we didn't keep it, but it was so much fun stealing it. (my only such experience, btw. I'm a good girl..)

If he's holding a pitcher of KoolAid, does that mean he's a cannibal? Does he ever drink it?

Come Monday, It'll Be All Right

I found out yesterday that drinking helps in the discussion with my husband about semi-sensitive stuff (like getting down to the nitty gritty of financial issues). It also helps drive away the pangs when I see the pile of kids stuff in the attic that I need to give away. And helps when I hear my husband made a cherry pie and ate it all himself last weekend to make himself feel better. So, might need to buy some more beer for tonight. Or maybe I'll just start cleaning out the liquor in the house...

Scavenger Hunt - Communication - Drunkin textin n callin

I don't know where my camera is, so I have to use the internet to find my photo. I've kinda been drinkin and textin and callin when maybe I shouldn't have. Oh, and drivin when I shouldn't have? Nah, not that bad... And the culprit behind this communication? My cell phone!!! It's all its fault. If it didn't exist, I wouldn't be doing this, because, you know, it's immature to make random and crank calls from a land line and you can't text from a land line, so it's all the cell phone's fault.

I had to sit in my car too and listen to mash ups on the radio - I didn't know they had them here where I live. The point is to take two songs - lyrics from one and music from another, and mash them up. I haven't heard a song like this I haven't liked. I should have stayed in the car though as I'm falling asleep at this computer. But then I might have done more drunkin textin n callin.

Geeks - what's wrong with this post?

NEXT DAY: I see I've been tagged for the next word. Yee ha! I've had the word in my head since a long time ago: STUFFED. Have fun wit it...

Life, the universe, and cougars

Small Town Girl a while back talked about a thing that's been going around the internet, that I believe I've seen other places too. Six word autobiography (oh yeah, Churlita did it too). Although I'm a woman of brevity, for some reason that didn't strike a chord with me. But Small Town Girl opened it up to haikus too. So I was all over that. Here it is:

Searching for meaning
having fun along the way
(At least trying to)

I have seen news of Ivana Trump's marriage. One headline read "The Cougar Pounces." I'm thinking it might be nice to be a cougar for a little bit...once I get my life sorted out. At what difference in age do you become a cougar? I've dated guys 7 years younger, but that doesn't seem to be enough. Ten years or more? Or does it need to be two decades away? Of course, not sure it would work in real life since he'd have to be a pretty mature youngster because if he opened his mouth and spouted out nonsense, not sure I could go through with it.

Heather made me do it

Impeccable

Oh how I love that word, especially when it's used by the mortgage company in relation to my credit history. I realized I haven't updated on my living situation. Turns out that the place I was going to take was month to month because I would have had to move out by August 31. The woman I was getting the apartment from didn't know that, and was understanding when I said I didn't want it. My plan at the moment is to continue to avail myself of my friends' generosity and stay with people until my husband and I figure out how much money he'll be giving me to buy me out of our house, and the house is transferred over to him. And then buy a place. I was initially devastated (Friday) because he had our house appraised and it's only worth what we paid for it (which, in today's market is actually doing well I realized or was told), and thought I could never afford anything, but then I realized I'll get some money, and there are things out there that I can afford - it's just a question of which compromises I want to make. So, there you go.

Psychedelic Postcards

Several years back I went to an estate sale in Maine. I ran across a bunch of postcards that I thought would be great to have to send to people. Everything else in the pile was 10 cents each, so I was surprised when I went to pay and they said the price was $1 each. Thankfully I bought them and never mailed them. Turns out they are very collectible. Back in 1967-8, Family Dog Productions organized concerts at the Avalon Ballroom in San Francisco. The posters and postcards they produced are works of art, each and every one.
This is one example of a more psychedelic one. See the circle that just looks like odd shaped design? Well, it's actually the words. You have to be high to see it easily I think. If you can see it easily without drugs, well, you should go back in time and live in the 60's. To help you, the top set of words in pink is "Quicksilver Messenger Service."
I forgot to upload what the back looks like. I will do that tonight perhaps.

Chocolate covered fruit

Chocolate covered dried fruit is good. The exception however is blackberries. When you dry a blackberry, all you have left is seeds. Thus, I am eating the chocolate around it and spitting out the blackberry.

Dreams

I just today remembered I had yet another skydiving dream. Or was the one last night the same one? I don't know.

In any case, last night, I dreamed that my friends and I were going to go skydiving, and I backed out at the last minute. I think I even had the harness on and decided not to go because it was too windy.

Ok, that was boring.

The other one I remember I was watching from the ground the skydivers coming down. But things went horribly wrong with almost every single one. Several ended up hitting a wire, and the next I saw they were skootching along to get to the pole. One person fell on a huge hot air balloon, and was falling off. Several people got tangled in mid-air, their chutes intermixing, and I looked away before I saw the final result. It was chaos.

When you have 18 min to spare

A friend sent this to me a while back. It's fascinating on a scientific level, a personal level, and spiritual level.

This is an 18min. video about the human experience.
What happens when a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist suffers a stroke?

The link will bring you to a web page so you can read a little more about it. Guess I shouldn't have made the link to the words '18 min video.'

I must say, though in a recent previous post I wrote about the lost art of letter writing, it's nice to have the internet on those nights when you just can't sleep. You can send emails, and maybe even someone on the west coast will respond. You can research things you've needed to research and write those emails you haven't had time for and post the things on your blog you've forgotten to post. It's kind of nice.

Happy Tax Day

Things Fall Apart

Have you ever read that book by Chinua Achebe? The book describes the effects on Ibo society of the arrival of European colonizers and missionaries in the late 1800s. I think recently it was the 50th anniversary of the novel. Read it, it's good. As well as other books that he's written.

You thought this was going to be a literary post. Well, I sucked you in... escape before it's too late! It's 3:30 in the morning - I didn't even make it to my normal 4 am when issues wake me up.

You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Well, it seems that God's dog is not just peeing on me, but taking a shit too. Or perhaps diarrhea. (that is one of the harder words to spell - I'm glad blogger does automatic spell check - I recently saw a comic related to that, I'll try and find it). I prefer to think I am not cursed and thus cannot spread my bad mojo to others, but rather I'm taking the hit for others. I hope the people I'm staying with feel the same! Else I'm out on the street (just kidding). When I related the second of two blows last night, my friend just said 'holy shit - it keeps coming'. Or something to that effect.

One I can write about, one I can't. My uncle died yesterday. Long time coming, had a long life, blah blah blah. He's still dead. The other one affects a person close to me and when I heard it my first reaction was laughter because it was so shocking. I'm not sure I've ever had that response before to something of that nature. It of course was horrible to this person and thankfully after a bit they yelled at me (the equivalent of slapping me in the face) because it brought me back to reality and I could be supportive, hopefully.

I know I'm still in shock. And I'm so worried about the second person. And I'm not sure I have the energy to go to my uncle's funeral. Which brings on guilt feelings. Arrrrrrr! I had my warm milk and a snack, and hopefully I'll be able to go back to sleep. One neat thing that happened when I got up is that I heard some sort of winged animal making noises outside. It always amazes me to hear such things in the middle of the night. Not even sure what it was. I heard somewhere that birds have different songs for nighttime, or was it when they migrate? I'll have to look that up.

That time of the month

Grr... I have a rant. I am sick and tired of bleeding, and it's all for naught. Yeah, people have kids in their 40's, but I'd really have to be on the fast track in some future relationship to have that happen. And so I stick these cancer sticks up into me so I don't worry about bleeding all over the place. And there's years more of it to come. I know women who go on the pill just to stop having a period. Maybe I should do that. Hell, I take enough pills now, what's one more? And then I could find dates on herpeslove.com so I could have sex without condoms. Might be a plan.
[editor's note - I just made that site address up, but of COURSE it exists. ugh]

A Birthday Present for WNG

What time am I?

You're the time of day right around sunrise, when the sky is still a pale bluish gray. The streets are empty, and the grass and leaves are a little bit sparkly with dew. You are the sound of a few chirpy birds outside the window. You are quiet, peaceful, and contemplative. If you move slowly, it's not because you're lazy ? it's because you know there's no reason to rush. You move like a relaxed cat, pausing for deep stretches that make your muscles feel alive. You are long sips of tea or coffee (out of a mug that's held with both hands) that slowly warm your insides just as the sun is brightening the sky.

Hmm...maybe because I'm taking this in the early morning on a Sunday... Not sure I move slowly any other time! :-)

Scavenger Hunt - Sharp

Do letter openers need to be sharp? Only sharp enough to cut the paper. This is a letter opener I got from an ex-boyfriend I dated during college. The very fact that I had it during college makes it an antique, but I think it was antique before that. I'm actually selling it on ebay. I may contribute some of the proceeds of the sale to a certain canoeing gnome if he promises to write posts while on his trip (that's kind of like letters, at least these days). Ah, the old art of letter writing... Even though I'm downsizing and cutting crap out of my life, I'll keep some old letters I've kept for 20 years already now. It's just so nice to have them.

My new business

Surfin', not Smurfin'

My first time jumping to lie (lay?) on the surfboard and paddle out to catch waves, I couldn't believe how seemingly unstable it was. Rocking back and forth, feeling like I was going to tip over at any moment. And making it out to the area to sit and wait for waves, I had to sit up on the board, straddling it. Again, amazing how unstable it was.

Thing is, the secret was to relax. You relax, you become sort of one with the board. You don't struggle, it doesn't struggle back.

And then, the wave approaches in the distance. And you flop down the board and begin to paddle. The wave catches you and lifts you up, and up you jump onto the board and ride it. Sound easy, but it isn't. Landing correctly, getting your balance, these are so difficult. The first time, I got up on my knees. Kinda neat, but a 'bad habit to get into.' After many many many tries, I caught one and rode it and it was amazing. Kind of difficult to really grasp what was happening, but it felt so secure. And a slow plop into the water when the wave disappeared.

After 2 hours or so in the water, I was BEAT. Mush. Thankfully I had only taken a 2.5 hour class.

The next day I thought I had learned enough to try it on my own. Thing is, there's secrets you have to learn. Where to sit and wait. Exactly WHEN to stand on the board. And how to deal with wind and currents. I went later in the morning, and the ocean beat me back. I tried so hard to get out to a place where I could sit and wait for a wave, and the ocean beat me with wave after wave after wave. When I finally caught my breath and could look around, I had only gotten about 15 feet away from shore, but 25-35 feet away from where I started.

I was pooped. I so wanted to give up, but instead I got out of the water, walked along the beach to the entry spot, and tried again. Again got beat but made it out to a place far enough away to maybe catch a wave. I kept missing them. The one I caught slammed me so hard, I waved the white flag of defeat and went in. I wish I could sue for assault and battery.

Belated Scavenger Hunt - Doors

I want to think that the saying, when one door closes another opens, applies also to love.

Things I learned/relearned on vacation

- The best way to apply sunscreen before going to the beach is when you are completely naked. Otherwise, you get weird sunburn lines because you don't get around the edge of your bathing suit very well.
- Surfing is not easy.
- The ocean is a powerful force and can kick my ass without a problem.
- You can feed sand crabs bread crumbs.
- The registration on my car is expired. For almost 2 months. (ticket)
- Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes isn't as good as My Sister's Keeper.
- It's possible to miss someone you don't want to be married to.

As you can tell, I didn't go skiing... :-) I really have to tell about the sand crabs, because I never knew you could feed them! I was sitting on the beach, and saw a fairly big one make a weird movement. At first I thought it was attacking some seaweed, but then realized it was digging a hole. When it moved sand out of the hole, it wouldn't just drop it down - it would throw it. It was so funny to watch. I saw another smaller one and it didn't throw the sand with quite so much force, so maybe it varies from crab to crab.

I was eating a sandwich and dropped a piece of bread, so decided to throw a piece over to the crab, just for the hell of it. Boy did it run for it!!! Grabbed it and ran it down into its hole. The smaller one looked at me, half out of its hole, wondering where its bread was. So I threw a piece in its direction and it did the same thing! Ran over, picked it up, and brought it down into its hole. But immediately came back out, staring at me. Clever crab. In the time the bigger one took I guess to eats its bread, I threw at least 3 pieces more to the little one. And the little one had its hole higher up, so the water never reached it, while the big one's hole got washed up/out. (Mmmmm.... salty bread.)

It was so strange to have them run right for the bread. I had a minor flashback to cockroaches and skin, but managed to get that out of my head. I had to get out of the sun soon afterwards, and on my way off the beach I found 1/3 of a hot dog bun. So of course I had to leave it by the little one's hole. The last I saw as I walked away was his head sticking out of the hole and him staring at the monster bun. I like to think an altar to me has been built in the little crab's hole. :-)

To ponder while I'm gone

Creeping feeling of overwhelmingness

I need to practice meditation. Or the art of forgetting. I'm going away on vacation for 5 days to relax, and I don't want my creeping feeling of overwhelmingness taking over. Any hints?

What's happening:
- work. things haven't done. will be waiting for me when I get back. too much.
- since I got the go ahead from my lawyer to sign a lease on a place, I wrote to the person that I was going to take an apt. from and said no initially, and it's still available. which is good but:
-> then I have to move in mid April (do I?)
-> hubby and I haven't finished splitting stuff up. haven't even made an appnt. with a mediator
-> I have to pack
-> I have to get my name off the home bills
-> I have to get new cell phone service, alone
-> I won't have friends immediately around and I fear getting into a major funk/depression when I'm alone
-> it'll hit home that we're splitting up, when up until now it's been a little surreal
- I worry about my surviving cat being alone

I'd like to stay with friends, but I know I could become a burden and feel bad about being in people's way. I have two sets of friends/two homes that are open to me, and I've only been staying with one, so I could switch homes. But really I shouldn't do that and should move on, but I wonder if one of the reasons I've been able to survive this whole thing so far is because I have indeed had people around. Crap. I have to figure this out.

Pii Pii

According to the Japanese text on the box "Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing." What we say is that virtual peeing is damn fun!

I must say, it would be quite cool to do this. I think any female who has brothers has at some point tried to pee standing up. I know I did! Yes, a godawful mess ensued. I sent this to a friend and he wondered if he could use the control in that way to guide SuperMarioBrothers, or play tennis, or...

Received via email - Love after Love

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

--Derek Walcott

Memories of Easter

I was reading about someone's memorable moment regarding a restaurant in a magazine and I remembered myself a long time ago. My family had a tradition, and actually still does, of going out for breakfast or brunch Easter morning. When we were kids, it would be after we found out what the Easter bunny brought. (BTW, my mom still has a note I wrote when I was small, saying that the Easter bunny didn't need to bring me much since I knew how much candy cost - even at a young age I was aware of money.)

Well, one year after breakfast out, we all trooped out of the restaurant. I was the last in line, and I couldn't understand why all these people left money on their tables! Being the thrifty child I was, I picked it all up, since it was laying there, it was fair game, right? When we got outside I showed my mom. Needless to say, I get kidded about it almost every year.