It's really becoming clear to me that I switch moods every two weeks. Period/ovulation time. It sucks. I'm in the irritible/depressed mood right now - started yesterday. So I'm whining.
- Ex was apparently just overwhelmed when he wasn't speaking to me. He sent me an email. He called numerous times to touch base - though we never connected. We finally talked and he invited me over for pie last night - he had made one over the weekend. It was fine (the visit. the pie was excellent.). I was ok with the idea of never speaking with him again. It's hard to stay in touch.
- Sucks to hear that I'm left out of people (joint friends) leaving me out of plans. I can't get too upset. And at this point I've just come to accept it. I could push to stay connected. Push to be involved even when ex is involved. But, doesn't feel right. But it still hurts.
- Stupid door man friggin' expects me to continue with my visits at scheduled intervals. I went down yesterday morning. He wasn't there. I went back up. I went down at lunch time because needed to get out and have a meltdown, and he greets me with 'well, it's about time' or something like that. I just said "go to hell" and went out the door. And he hints about taking me for a ride on his new motorcycle. Boundaries!!! Needs to learn them.
- Part of the meltdown was due to getting into a tiff with a friend and his teenage daughter (incidentally, the friend who spearheaded the 'we gotta celebrate Pamela's birthday'). They've had a internal 'war' where they get a hold of each other's cell email accounts, and now cell phones, and send crazy messages to each other's friends. Yesterday was the first day I got a txt message, and it just pissed me off (in part because I had switched). SO I sent a harsh message, he got pissed off because teenage girls don't understand and are vulnerable, I felt pissed but also bad because it really wasn't a huge thing, etc. It all worked out I suppose.
- I went climbing last night and forgot to tape my finger and now it hurts. Stupid stupid me.
- I asked ex-b who lived in Berkeley if I would like living there (that's where the job is that I applied to) and he bust my bubble and said no. He thought it would drive me nuts - all the crazy Berkeley-ness.
- I really want to get away from my current job.
So, I want to get away from all the shit here. But there's no where to go. I'm stuck. And shit will follow me anyway. Maybe hermit-age is in order. Who needs friends? Who needs to like their job? Who needs a relationship? When you have a cat.
Don't worry, I'll get over this. Eventually.