What is this?

The bathroom.

So, here's the bathroom. My friend B came by tonight to look at it so I feel better about using it. Overall it's great. My issues are just that the shower curtain rod is too close to the showerhead and that vanity looks so small. But otherwise I'm happy.

Quote from my calendar

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

Emily Dickenson

Beginnings, movings, etc. etc.

1 - my bathroom is sorta done. The lamps don't have the screws so I can't screw in the globes, and there's a small patch of drywall that should be fixed, but otherwise mostly ok. He put a lot of work into it. Thing is, when you are paying parts separately though, how can you tell what he bought is really for your job? I look at the receipt, and see something that says Tape Meas. Seems like it's a tape measure to me. But, oh well. I'll assume maybe $100 wasn't for me, and it's still a good bargain. I think. As long as nothing leaks. I almost don't want to use the bathroom!

2-I never told my mom or hinted this weekend about moving. I just couldnt' do it. And then today I called her to see how she was doing after my brother left and noone's there, and we're yakking a bit. I go to say goodbye and she says "I miss you". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, this is so going to suck.

3-I did tell half my work and they were very appreciative that I said something so early and were happy for me overall.

4 - I got a call today from my dentist. The appointment I thought was next week is tomorrow - I get my crowns in. CRAP. So, I"m going to bed.

Hope everyone is well, and as I've said before, I hope to catch up soon.

Clean out those closets...

Back from visiting my mom etc. Found some ollllld postcards in my mom's closet. I might share some more later, but here's the wonderful early risque love.



And then, when love goes bad. Awww...

Bathroom is moving along

Ceiling in living room below bathroom. Oops.


Bathtub, some wall, floor.


Wall


I think it might actually look nice in the end!

Breathe

This song has been going through my head for the past several days. Maybe even last week. (Breathe 2 AM, Anna Nalick) I just realized this morning it's because of the refrain. Breathe. Just breathe.

It's amazing how one can survive with so little breath. When stressed/anxious I take such shallow breaths it's amazing. I have to take deep breaths once in a while. Sometimes I have to do it consciously, sometimes I do it unconsciously. Of course, when I do it it sounds like something's wrong, and M is always asking me. But most of the time around him it's just because I need the deep breath.

Of COURSE there's a lot going on.
Did I tell you we're moving to California? Yes
Did I tell you we put our houses on the market? Yes, we did.
Did I tell you I have tons of painting still to do in the house, plus other things?
Did I tell you that while my house might have a tax assessment of a certain amount, I will be lucky to break even when I sell it?
Did I tell you I've gone up to my mom's place twice in the last month and one more time this weekend?
Did I tell you I have to tell my work that I'm leaving - sooner rather than later due to trying to do the right thing?
Did I tell you I have to hint to my mom I might move out west?
Did I tell you I won't have a job when I move? Yes.

Deep breath just occurred.

Point / Counterpoint

Whoosh, and the three day weekend has gone by. I'm sorry to those who did not have a long weekend. I could say I relaxed but I'd be lying. I had a few moments of wonderfulness, and thankfully they are all related to M, but aside from that...work work work. Oh, and a girls' night that was in a place so loud you can't hear the person next to you. Those damn 20-something kids screaming, literally, in the bar. And saw Sherlock Holmes, which wasn't bad, but not great either. I was most excited about the fact that Ironman 2 is coming!

Relationships are hard work. Dammit. And it's the case of 'be careful what you wish for'. I wanted someone who expressed himself, and I got it! That doesn't mean he always knows exactly at a particular point what's bothering him, and patience is key (and yes, I do that too). And that doesn't mean he is 100% happy with things I do, which he shouldn't be, but dammit, that means I have to listen and try and change my ways. So, early relationship shit which of course will never end if we're lucky (ie we'll continue communicating). But, also things I wished for I got - case in point me squatting in the gym to pick up my shoes, and my underwear shows just a little bit, and he finds it sexy and touches the area instead of averting his eyes and telling me to pull up my pants. Thank goodness.

OK, I have to work. Will try and catch up today! And my bathroom is moving along, after a three day hiatus for various reasons and me getting worried I picked the wrong person...

Life, the universe, and doubts

My life:
- Visited my mom last weekend. Took her out to lunch and despite her protests, which I believe were only half hearted, I made her get the veal. She had sort of suggested the place, which I had taken her to before, and then said we could go someplace cheaper. But I knew she wanted to go. And I knew what she wanted to get. And she who eats so little normally ate an entire big salad, some bread, and almost the whole big plate of veal. I guess it was the company. Then when she got home she had a cookie!
- Also saw my nieces, who were quite bored until they decided I was a monster that had to be subdued. Neither of their parents is a rough and tumble person, so they love to do it, usually with my brother. But this time, I was the monster and had both of them on my back and my trying to get them off. It was great exercise and a lot of fun. And we didn't break any heads or furniture. Bonus.
- Also went to the super not so secret FMU party. I felt like a crazed fan - seeing all the dj's I listen to. And took my picture with a couple. Really nice people too. I'm such a geek.

The universe:
- well, water on the moon? earthquakes in Haiti? I can't really expound on either. The latter very sad of course.

The doubts:
- Here I am ready to leave my job without having another job. Will I find another? - Also, I think I'm ready to do another job, but yet I still get into tiffs with my boss, like today, and it sucks. My reaction is not always the best, to be quite generous in my description. How will I be able to make changes in my behavior and be in an 'important' job? Maybe being with M will help - he challenges me on some bad traits. I don't really know quite now how to do it on my own. The deep breaths. The step aside. I don't do it enough. Arg.

Welcome to

The space formerly known as my bathroom. Ugly bathroom. Which I hope to make a nice one. Crap! Did I take 'before' photos? I may have forgotten.


Also, [welcome to] a healthy relationship. One in which the other person is available - does not have any barriers be they emotional or of circumstance that keeps him from committing his all.

It's something I deserve, but still has its own challenges. Before it happened, I was just getting into being 'me' - a recuperated grown up me, and I get into this relationship thing where another person is now in my life and I have to make sure I don't fall into old habits.

Old habits include putting the other person before me. Using the cranky domineering voice to squash opposition. Fearing that someone will find me boring. Blah blah blah.

But the new habits are to touch base with myself. Listen to how I'm feeling and what it means. And communicate that, so progress can be made, and chaos/bad feelings do not ensue. To accept criticism/critique and know that it means I have something to learn (most times).

Whew, it's a challenge. But the benefits/rewards are great.

what's up

I had a blog post in my head, but it's kinda poofed out.
Let me think.
Let me think.
There's far too much I haven't written about, so it's all getting stuck in my head.
I guess I need some fiber?
Mental fiber.
Hmm... what would that be?
Sleep?
OK, will do...
Hasta manana, baby.

photos from the weekend

This past weekend, visited my mom, went to the WFMU party, and visited with a friend.

At the party, get tired = get artsy


A scary Hillary in the hallway.


Tree near my mom's house

busy weekend and day, so quote

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
Marcel Proust

Root canal morning

So, I'm a little shell-shocked. Snippets:
- thank goodness I talked with my mom yesterday. she was the first person to say 'oh, it's not so bad' - unprompted
- they put a big plastic bib on you before the normal dentist bib. I was worried because I thought it would be for blood spatter. But it's just for bleach (they use full strength to clean out the area)
- I noted to the dentist that I ought to ask for a bribe to not scream as she's working (I heard drills in the other room)

I cried towards the end (last 5 minutes), in part because keeping my mouth open for 1 hour was not fun, and the anti-pain stuff was wearing off, and I spent half the time thinking about the problems in my life and being angry at my ex and worrying about the money I was spending and all the work I had to do and so on... Sigh.

So here I sit with a puffy mouth, not able to drink hot stuff or eat, and try to concentrate.

Quote from my calendar

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
Wayne Dyer

Right hook

So, got a call from my ex tonight. Calling to say he only wants to see me happy. But, given that he's left handed, managed to throw in a right hook. "Can't say it's the best decision you've ever made..." I just kept my mouth shut and said happy new year. But it makes me sad. Apparently he might have been motivated because he saw 'my crowd' at the climbing gym tonight. And that spurred him to throw in the towel/extend an olive branch (with a few thorns attached to it).

Sigh.

On top of yet another migraine today.
And an email from a friend saying how difficult it is to find a place in SF.
And signing a contract to get my bathroom done.
And trying to finish watching Inglorious Basterds, which, btw, is a great movie actually.

So, minor meltdown.

M is coming over. Which is nice. Hopefully all this won't spur yet another migraine tomorrow. But I guess that's why I have medication.

This is really Tuesday's post

I should be in bed now since I came home early to kill a migraine (the effects of 1.5 weeks of not exercising enough, stretching enough, getting used to sleeping in the same bed as someone else and so not getting great sleep, etc.), and I don't want another tomorrow...but had to share.

So, M forgot that he had talked to Exhibit A while M was in Jtree, and was told that he had gotten engaged! Funny how the world turns. Really funny. I'm a little freaked out that M 'forgot' such a thing, and trying to think of what psychological phenomenon describes that, but it's really not a huge deal so it will pass quickly. I'm glad Exhibit A has found someone and will be happy. He's an odd duck though. But I guess we all are in some way.

M knows about this blog and reads it, but I'm trying to not let that stop me from writing what I want to write. I know I can always say to not read something and he wouldn't, but I wouldn't want to do that, so it won't happen. It's just that sometimes the timing of when he learns about something in my brain might be a little warped (via blog versus via my mouth directly).

Happy New Year!

2010. Amazing.

I resolve to get back to blogging every day, and to get back into the Saturday Scavenger Hunt (I was sad to realized I had done so many in a row, and then missed 3 or 4 or so).

Odd odd exercise seen this morning. A man in a backwards arch doing pushups in that position. Ouch.

Movie seen this weekend.

Definitely a 'B' movie format.
Definitely bordering on soft porn (who am I kidding, it was).
Interesting. Not sure if I recommend it, but it was fun to see with a crowd. What is most hilarious from that night is my friend who is a reserved-ish woman in a well respected profession did the gesture of the fingers made into a V and the tongue going in and out. It will now be our greeting to each other. Damn, I died when I saw that.