Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Poor High School Me

Found when cleaning today, written on a small piece of paper. Very neatly, I might add.
I am not special.
I am not unique.
I am unique only in the sense that noone could be exactly like me.
Why, therefore, do I exist?

I have hidden my intelligence so well that even I cannot find it.

I don't believe I can be great.
That's my biggest obstacle.

And M. wonders where all this stems from and why I cannot let go of it easily/quickly. I've been fighting it all my life. Whew. You think I would have learned by now how to overcome it. I have a lot, but those words are deep inside and hard to dig out and throw away. I've done a pretty good job so far. Yeah yeah, why not just let it all go? Sigh. I think it's because, if I do let it go, what if I'm still not great? Then I would have no excuse because I'm not holding myself back.

Wow. Can't believe I just wrote that. Now, what to do with it.


Ananda girl said...

For some reason this brought to mind a line from Frank Herbert's Dune...
"fear is the mind-killer". It was part of a chant.

Churlita said...

I firmly believe that my insecurities and lack of self-esteem are teh root of all my problems. I just keep work on stopping the negative thought processes.

laura b. said...

Hey, I am impressed with the fact that you desire and would strive for greatness. I am terribly content with being servicable :-)

Tara said...

I had a diary in high school - with a little padlock and everything. But I lost it, and I wish I could find it and read it all over again.