Monday, January 16, 2012

Cut and run

So, I reacted and responded in a 'that's not my strength' answer. I feel kinda sick to my stomach. About the same amount as when I was pushing myself. So, between a rock and a hard place? Don't know.

I called the guy last night to touch base and he was quite gracious and has not cut me out of his will, so to speak. But still I read into our conversation, about my decision, etc. I have to let it all go, but am having a hard time.

I keep hearing my friend's voice in my head - don't think so much. Erg.

I did talk to my sister yesterday. It's an interesting question in this world. Where do you stay? What is your job to you? Are you comfortable where you are? If you are good and you get pressure to keep going up the ladder, can you say no if you just don't want to go? How important is work/life balance in the short run? In the long run?

I've pursued several different paths since I started my job search full force. And rejected one, and then another, and now this? Where the hell do I want to be? Am I 'doomed' to not be happy whereever I am (I create that, I know)? How long do I have this luxury? Not too long I don't think. Can't I change my responses to 'yes indeed' from 'I don't know. I'm not sure.' Some say it's simple - just make up your mind to do it... kinda like those people who are able to quit smoking cold turkey. Do I just hold myself back? The answer is yes. Erg.


laura b. said...

This is such a puzzler, NoR.

The only thing I can think to say is that if you take a job you are unsure of, you might be surprised at how well you do. Also, if the fit doesn't feel good, you can continue searching for something else, you don't have to stay forever.

silly rabbit said...

I'm agreeing with laura b. on the fact that if you take it and its not a good fit, you can leave and move onward.

I have no good advice to give. I can't seem to find a job that will have me.

Would it help to think of it in rock climbing terms? Maybe looking at it in a different way would help sort things out for you.

Anonymous said...

I also have no good (or bad) advice to give, but I offer sympathy for your struggle. Also, "erg" is a unit of work, and perhaps the fact that you use the word twice in your post is a good omen? Or did you do that intentionally? Ha, who's overthinking /now/?

NoRegrets said...

Laura, well, I know. I have done that in the past. But at this stage in my life I feel I need to be choosier about what my next step is, for some reason. Old?

SR - Did you hear back?

HMWT - I think it just means that thinking is hard work... :-)

Mel said...

I love Nike--they tell me to 'just DO it'. Don't overthink, don't analyze--critique it AFTER you do.

Yeahyeah......sounds easy, I know. Maybe cuz it is and we're have this tendency to complicate the simple.

*laughing* You are NOT old.