Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Chasing away fear

My friend with the airplane and I went on some adventures this past weekend. He made a comment about feeling uncomfortable with me in the plane. I asked him why yesterday, and not surprisingly, part of it was because of my issue with motion sickness - me barfing in the plane. But not necessarily because of the barf, but more because it means I'm not enjoying it as much as him. I told him that noone can enjoy it as much as him, but also that I'm still getting used to it. When we ran through turbulence this time, I wasn't scared. But I was in the past.

And that got me thinking about wondering if my whole life is about standing up to my fears. My fear of being alone (learning how to be social), my fear of being social (my fear that noone will like me), the fear that noone will like me (speaking my mind in spite of it), the fear of speaking my mind (getting in touch with what I'm thinking and doing the best I can), my fear of not being perfect (learning how to relax the standards, given that I am human), the fear of being human (learning that I have limitations), the fear of having limitations (focusing on the things I CAN do), fearing things I do not yet know how to do or have enough (recent) experience in (taking it slowly)....

I could go on.

People are sometimes surprised to hear how much fear I have. How much anxiety. My adaption is taking things slowly. Recognizing when I'm uncomfortable, and slowing it down. I sometimes get too wrapped up in fear - like when something new has to be addressed, like riding in a small plane, getting a different kind of migraine, etc. And I have to get over it. Some things take more time than others. There are some I've given up trying to get over - like riding a horse - given everything else there is to do in life. But I can't stop addressing the fears inherent in how I deal with myself and my relationships. I gotta keep trying.

7 comments:

Sebastien said...

At least you are able to hone in on your issues with fear and anxiety and be honest with yourself. I think a lot of people have these kinds of issues, but choose to ignore them or don't even recognize them.

And I don't think fear is always such a bad thing. But like everything, moderation, moderation... too much of it is suffocating.

As for small planes, and planes in general, they freak me out. I've flown a lot but as I've gotten older they've become a fear. Weird.

laura b. said...

I think a lot of people share your fears. Some people accept them...or ignore them. Some people choose to deal with them and overcome them.

I admire people, like you, who face down their fears. I am really good at just letting mine hang around and do their thang.

EsLocura said...

a little fear is a good thing, the key is not letting them control you, and you my dear are brave and honest, that will go a long way, life is full of surprises

Susan said...

I really can't go into things I'm afraid.

Snakes...spiders...

Oh wait, we're looking to the deeper fears, right?

Falling into deep dark wells never to be rescued...

Pamela said...

Sebastien, yes. It's funny - people see me as being fearless.
Did you have an accident in another life?

Laura - I try my best. Not always successful.

Es - I try to be brave and honest. Not always successful.

Susan - har.

Churlita said...

I'm scared of a lot of things and soemtimes that's good. When I was younger, I would just deny my fears and get myself in stupid situations. Facing them is a lot harder, but also important.

Sebastien said...

Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with my health struggles these past couple years. The illness I've been dealing with is not something I can really control, and I think same goes for flying. I think it has something to do with being able to control the situation...