Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The weekend, interrupted

Hi all - due to some internal turmoil happening here in my life, I'm making a pact with myself to only check email and all the associated virtual friendship things outside of work. Or maybe only check stuff at lunch. I have to get used to this new way of life, and feel a bit sad about it, but it must be done I believe. So, if I don't visit or talk as much, that's why.

What's happened?
- my boss basically told me she's at her wits end with me. Tried all she could. If she could, she'd divorce me I think. Not all of it are my issues - she comes with her own baggage as with any relationship, but I have to make additional effort.
- this comes on the tail of me having yet another pms/bipolar induced irritated,etc. time, where I feel I can't control it, and tried to adjust (by closing door, etc.) but it wasn't enough, so I need some new methods
- in the middle of this angst of is it me or is it the disease and how much can I control and what can I do, I have my therapist give me in a session the old 'well, if you want to just rely on the meds, go ahead, be my guest'. My brain was soooo confounded and didn't know what to do, to clear my head I slammed my hand into the radiator in front of her. Never done that in front of anyone and it surprised the hell out of her. 'I can see you are frustrated. did that make yu feel better' I just answered 'I quit. Not sure if I'll be back' And I don't want to go back. I have tools and I'm sick of her doing shit like that. But, they always say in therapy that you have to work things out. So, we'll see.

My life. In a very big nutshell.


Tara said...

You know that you have an outlet here that you can vent on - I love blogs. Did you hurt your hand on the radiator?

Many times at work, out of frustration, I've thrown things across the room. My last manager was a little afraid of me, I think.

NoRegrets said...

Tara, of course it was the hand that I had jammed... but, it wasn't so bad. I cannot for the life of me imagine you throwing stuff across a room.

Churlita said...

That sucks. I'm sorry. If some of it is hormones, have you tried taking at least 300 milligrams of magnesium a day? My sister mentioned it to me and it really helps with PMS and hormonal migraines and stuff. It definitely takes off the roughest edges of it all. I'm sure it won't cure everything, but every little bit helps in my world.

NoRegrets said...

It's not so bad... Sounds worse than I feel. I will try the magnesium... my psychiatrist keeps saying I should. I take a multivitamin... but I'll take extra.

Sebastien said...

Violence is usually a good solution. I'm proud of you.

But seriously, hope you can work it out with your therapist. Important to have someone you can talk confidentially with and in a constructive manner.