Monday, July 27, 2009

Connections

Life events including my ex deciding he doesn't want to interact with me but not telling me that, have as you can tell made me think again about my life and men.

I've only had a couple men in my life that I've felt a deep soul-mingling connect with (and no, my ex was not one of them). Have you ever experienced that? Where you can feel your 'self' touching the other 'self'. Where you can sense so much more than words can ever convey. I guess these are the true loves maybe - I've had it with my mom and my dad, so it's not a sexual thing.

In fact, the first time I ever had it with a guy, I ended up breaking up with him because the physical part in our relationship was missing. I just was simply not attracted to him physically. Yet still, when I said to him (on the phone, alas, because at the time we were living in different states) that it really was the end, I felt his 'self' rip away from me. I should try and convey it in an art piece or something. Or draw it. It was the worst feeling imaginable. I often wondered afterwards if I made the right decision, because isn't that closeness enough? I mean, it was amazing to have. But I want it all with a partner - I want connections on all levels. And I hope to have it someday. I've made mistakes along the way, and perhaps the right combination will never come along, but I'll wait for it this time.

7 comments:

AlienCG said...

Nothing can be forced when it comes to life itself. I hope you find what you really want soon.

Churlita said...

I don't think I've ever had that with anyone but my mom and my girls. I'd love to find a guy I could have that with too.

EsLocura said...

I think waiting for what you truly deserve is worth it, why settle for just a quick snack when a 5 course meal is in order. wouldn't it be sweet to find that special all inclusive connection that fills us completely? yeah, worth the wait my sweet ... but it sucks waiting : )

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

Its a hard thing to find.. True love.. I think I have that with BHM.. and a child.. innocent and sweet..

laura b. said...

What a great post. I do know just what you mean about connecting on all levels. It is so rare...but you shouldn't settle for any less.

Pamela said...

Alien, I'd be happy if I found it, ever.

Churlita, I think most people would.

Es, it does indeed suck waiting. But I've only just begun to wait. And gotta keep occupied with other things.

Mrs. - good for you.

Laura - I will try not to. Thanks...

Sebastien said...

Your comments remind me of a scene I saw in Hedwig in the Angry Inch. There was a really cool song in there about this very topic.

And I think I'm so great and awesome that I don't anyone to complete me ;)

Just kidding of course, that kind of 'true' connection is rare. Like a butterfly, seemingly so easy to grasp but very difficult and often times fleeting.