Life events including my ex deciding he doesn't want to interact with me but not telling me that, have as you can tell made me think again about my life and men.
I've only had a couple men in my life that I've felt a deep soul-mingling connect with (and no, my ex was not one of them). Have you ever experienced that? Where you can feel your 'self' touching the other 'self'. Where you can sense so much more than words can ever convey. I guess these are the true loves maybe - I've had it with my mom and my dad, so it's not a sexual thing.
In fact, the first time I ever had it with a guy, I ended up breaking up with him because the physical part in our relationship was missing. I just was simply not attracted to him physically. Yet still, when I said to him (on the phone, alas, because at the time we were living in different states) that it really was the end, I felt his 'self' rip away from me. I should try and convey it in an art piece or something. Or draw it. It was the worst feeling imaginable. I often wondered afterwards if I made the right decision, because isn't that closeness enough? I mean, it was amazing to have. But I want it all with a partner - I want connections on all levels. And I hope to have it someday. I've made mistakes along the way, and perhaps the right combination will never come along, but I'll wait for it this time.