So, really, even with friends that know you well, a question you really shouldn't push on is why don't you have any kids or are you going to have kids. Out of the blue it appeared this past weekend at the climbing gym, and I wasn't prepared with a smart-assed answer. All I could say was that it's a long and complicated story, and repeat that over and over until the person gave up.
But it made me sad.
My husband is great with kids. The reason the question was asked is because we were at this friend's house and they have a 5 year old and a 12 year old. And he interacted with them a lot and really well. And I know he wants kids. And I've lived my whole life expecting I would have kids. And I think I'd be a good mother. And we bought the house we bought with the expectation that we'd have kids - there's even a damn swingset in the back yard.
But neither of us wants to bring a kid into our world until we really have us figured out (I at least brought these feelings to him last night and we discussed this openly). We've come so close so many times to ending our relationship (most recently in the past month) that we both need a little bit more security and stability to be able to take that giant leap.
Meanwhile, time ticks on. I'm 41. And yes, there is adoption, and that would be fine too. But at least right now I don't see it in my future. Are we thinking too much? I don't think so. I know some people have kids to try and save a relationship, but I don't think that ever works, and wouldn't with us.
And now I kind of have an ache in my heart, but it will go away. And I know that life doesn't always turn out like you expect. And I resolve to try to focus on the complaints of my friends with kids. :-)