Sunday, May 9, 2010

You blink and it's gone

No matter what it is.

The days until your job is over.
The number of years it has been since you've seen high school friends.
The time that mom is 100% there.

Bittersweet weekend, in part because of the ending. One part of that is sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, playing cribbage. She tells a long story related to the goobly thing that's in an egg and she takes it out because my sister has always wanted it that way from when she was young. Five minutes goes by, and she tells me the same story. Kinda like when I'd say I was going to go visit for mother's day weekend every week for a month, and she'd get so excited because she didn't know.

I hate to see her decline. I seriously almost wish she dropped dead a year or so ago. Boy that sounds horrible. I experienced what it's like to have a parent drop dead (literally) and don't really want to experience another extreme. But, 'tis not my choice to make.

I feel bad about leaving, in part because it's one less person around to help my sister take care of her. It's going to get to be too much soon, and that's when the hard decisions come.

Funny how titles of posts take over. I blinked and all of a sudden all the text I had written was gone. Thank god for the BACK button. Or CTRL Z. The best commands in the world. As long as they work. You can't command time to back up and your mom to be 100% there.

But it was good to see and be seen. Much more happened on the weekend, but I'll save that for later. Bedtime calls.


Tara said...

I'm always worried about my mom when things get too quiet - I keep thinking something's gonna happen when we least expect it....again.

Mel said...

You blink.......and it's gone...

I understand the sentiments. I truly don't know what's worse, which is better. But I'm convinced things happened, in my life, for a reason. It wasn't about me but it was about me....if that makes sense.....

Love 'em while ya got 'em.
LIVE in today wisely.
And understand that, this too--shall change with or without your permission.
But 'forward' is required--cuz we don't get to go back, eh?

laura b. said...

I am feeling that sentiment for sure. I am sorry about your mom. I guess my hope for when that stage comes is that each day is a happy adventure rather than being frightening and confusing.

Churlita said...

My mom died when I was 10 so I don't have to worry about her now. Depending how long I stay on this earth to annoy people, it is something my girls might have to stress out about with me. I told them to feel free to put me in a home when that time comes. But a good home. I don't want to live in one of those janky places where the workers ignore you and steal your shit.