I woke up early early this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep because I had made some realizations and couldn't get them out of my head. I was too lazy to get up and type them on the computer, so I finally had to write them down. Seems all the expletives yesterday came out for a reason.
Realization 1: Leadership and confidence
If I'm going to be doing something challenging, and be taught how to do it, I need to have faith, trust, confidence in the people teaching me. I need them to be leaders who inspire and instill confidence. I can forgive some mistakes, like when someone calls me Denise instead of my real name, because he really does know what he's doing, but others I can't. One of the instructors yesterday not only bounced me around in freefall unnecessarily, but also couldn't get me seated in the right spot on the plane without an issue. Sorry, I'm not going to trust my life with you. Two strikes and you are out. If they try and have him be my one instructor, I'll walk away without a backwards glance. I realize there are two, maybe three, people at this place that I'll go forward with alone from hereonin. (because in the next stages, you only have one instructor)
Realization 2: Fear
I hate the exit from the plane. Not because of jumping, but because of the disorientation. I need to find some way to deal with it better, and will work with instructors (and perhaps the Gnome has suggestions) to deal with it better.