Off to St. Louis for Work

Baby Baby

So, really, even with friends that know you well, a question you really shouldn't push on is why don't you have any kids or are you going to have kids. Out of the blue it appeared this past weekend at the climbing gym, and I wasn't prepared with a smart-assed answer. All I could say was that it's a long and complicated story, and repeat that over and over until the person gave up.

But it made me sad.

My husband is great with kids. The reason the question was asked is because we were at this friend's house and they have a 5 year old and a 12 year old. And he interacted with them a lot and really well. And I know he wants kids. And I've lived my whole life expecting I would have kids. And I think I'd be a good mother. And we bought the house we bought with the expectation that we'd have kids - there's even a damn swingset in the back yard.

But neither of us wants to bring a kid into our world until we really have us figured out (I at least brought these feelings to him last night and we discussed this openly). We've come so close so many times to ending our relationship (most recently in the past month) that we both need a little bit more security and stability to be able to take that giant leap.

Meanwhile, time ticks on. I'm 41. And yes, there is adoption, and that would be fine too. But at least right now I don't see it in my future. Are we thinking too much? I don't think so. I know some people have kids to try and save a relationship, but I don't think that ever works, and wouldn't with us.

And now I kind of have an ache in my heart, but it will go away. And I know that life doesn't always turn out like you expect. And I resolve to try to focus on the complaints of my friends with kids. :-)

A lot of bull

Last night we went to a bull riding show - my first ever. My husband went to one in Texas a while back and really liked it, and we happened to find out that there was one here locally this weekend, so of course we had to go. I pulled out my cowboy boots, the appropriate jeans, and off we went to another world where they say prayers before the show and make jokes about Indians and spit often to clear the chew juice out of their mouths and have wife carrying contents at intermission to win tickets to the upcoming country singer concert. OK, so, it's another world for me, not for some of you.

It was great! Just the right amount of drama with the bulls (some people got trompled but not hurt, some bulls wouldn't go immediately into the pen, one bull in the starting pen almost was able to jump out of it, etc.). Excitement when guys were able to stay on the full number of seconds, and awwww when they couldn't. Big big big bulls, and little bitty ones.

I really wanted to do the wife carrying contest, but my husband has been having trouble with his knee (he's had two surgeries on each knee, so he wasn't just wussing out) and he knew he would work to win and thus likely hurt himself, so we didn't do it. It was great to watch though. Only four couples - and some with huge guys and very small wives, so not sure we would have won anyway. One guy dropped his wife in the dirt. The biggest guy who fireman carried his wife couldn't stop himself at the end and slammed her into the bull gate at the end, but likely she's used to such accidental abuse, so she was fine.

Our next bull riding adventure will be to the world championships which are held in Las Vegas. Probably not this year, but someday... It was great.

Never complain

I knew it would come back to haunt me. Never complain that you are bored at work. Even if it's not to anyone you work with. Because fate will bring you work up to your eyeballs.

Hopefully THIS weekend I'll collect some stuff to make interesting posts on Zimbabwe.

For your reading pleasure

Sex: Fact and Fiction
What’s the average penis size? How fast is premature ejaculation? Exactly where is the G-spot? Grab a ruler and a stopwatch as the experts sort sex myths from the facts.
By Rob Baedeker
WebMD Feature

Had to do it twice - nickname and real name

The Recipe For NoRegrets

3 parts Kindness 2 parts Playfulness 1 part Flirtation Splash of Sass Shake vigorously

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

The Recipe For Womanwithnoregrets

3 parts Playfulness 2 parts Passion 1 part Cleverness Splash of Pizzazz Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

What I learned from the trainer this week

Since I am right handed, when I climb I tend to reach up with my right hand/arm and pull with that, while my left follows. It was kind of a slap in the head, duh, kind of moment when he said that. So last night I consciously tried leading with my left arm, and it was difficult! So, that's my training for climbing now. I need to get balanced. I can belay both left and right handed. Now I have to climb both left and right handed. It will balance out my back.
I included two women climbing photos to have photos on the post, but it's kind of a lesson for the day also. Photo 1 is trad/crack climbing. Photo 2 is sport climbing. Both photos have a major thing wrong with them - NO HELMET! Stupid women. Photo 2 shows why so many men want to photograph women climbers - you get a good view of the rack. And I don't mean the climbing gear.

Weekend Update

- Good beer and good food made the football games better on Sunday. Sad that Packers and Patriots will not be playing, but the Packers really played horribly, and they didn't deserve to be in the Superbowl.
- Didn't do any painting. Did shred old tax returns back to 1990. It's so embarassing that I messed up the 1040 EZ form back then. What a doofus. And then had to pay penalties, etc.
- Watched 3:10 to Yuma. It was pretty good. Kind of surprising at the end...
- Rounded a corner too fast and cut a big hole in my tire, so had to buy two new tires.
- Made fresh pasta! It was so much fun! OK, once I realized I needed to use machines. I started off following the Italian cookbook I have, in which they say everything has to be done by hand. I did make the dough by hand, and one batch I added fresh sage. But I eventually said screw that. My sister had given me one of those traditional crank out pasta machines. You move the rollers closer and closer together to make it thinner and thinner. One strip I made so thin you could almost see through! And then there's another attachment which cuts it into fettucine or spaghetti, again by cranking. So cool! I made a mess in the kitchen but it was kind of worth it. The first time is always the hardest. :-)

Again with the grab bag

Things I fear I'll never understand:
- Why sometimes when I'm streaming it'll still be streaming but the sounds cuts off.
- Why I always feel the need to cross my leg when sitting at my desk, despite the fact that I have a foot rest so I can sit the ergonomically correct way.

A really horrible thing to do which I would never do but thought it funny nonetheless:
- Collect my unopenable pistachios and give them to a homeless person begging for food.

There's a limit to how long I can work nonstop at a frantic pace with extra hours. I reached that Tuesday night, and have been trying to make it through the week at work getting stuff done despite not wanting to do anything.

Goals for the weekend:
- watch the playoff games
- finally clean up the damn house
- get the wallpaper crap off the kitchen walls so I can paint
- collect info/photos so I can do a Zimbabwe week on the blog

Speaking of wallpaper crap. There's one of those strips along the top of the walls. It is so not me, and the paint job in the kitchen is horrible anyway, so I started dealing with it. Last weekend I learned something. I got the implements to break up the glue on the wallpaper - a circular thing that cuts holes in it, and the evil liquid to put on it. I put the evil liquid on once, and it says to do it 15 minutes later. Which I did. What I didn't think about was that the intent is to scrap it off that day, after the second application. Because lo and behold, when I went to do some Tuesday night to get out some aggression, it was like I hadn't done anything! Duh.

Bose-Einstein Condensates

Thankfully once in a while there's nothing on tv, and since I don't have cable, I have to watch public television. One of the best programs is NOVA.

This past week there was an interesting show on Bose-Einstein Condensates. Essentially, the closer you get to absolute zero a new form of matter is created in which individual particles retain their identity but at the same become the same as others. Approaching that point the particles start acting as waves.

Don't ask me to explain it better than that, which I know isn't very good. This site seems to be pretty good. It was all theory until early in 2000 when the first such matter was created. It's rather mind blowing, but the first thing I thought of is how that could relate to the existential question of what all beings are and how they are separate but part of a whole, and whether when we die, our individual selves go back to the whole.

Who knows.

Mildly amusing site

From a listserv I'm on:

HEMA is a Dutch department store. Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer!

>> http://producten.hema.nl/

Happy Birthday Smurfs!

The actual birthday was yesterday or the day before. Here's the press release. But 50 years old! Wow. Must be good genes - they still look young. Dontcha love climber smurf?

Aunt Stinky and the Car Creatures

[written earlier but saved for a busy day like today]

This was the first year in a long time that my entire family has been together in one place. I think there were 15 of us at dinnertime, which is just the immediate family but includes my cousin/godmother. Luckily my sister has a house that can accommodate that many for dinner.

The first night we all had dinner I had a lot of energy. And, though I forget what we had for dinner, a lot of gas. I've noted before that I am very much a gassy girl, but there are some days when I surprise even myself. This was one of those days. And I was being silly with the nieces and nephew, and pitting myself against my nieces' fart machine (which is their favorite fun thing, much to the chagrin of my brother in law), and winning. :-) Thus, I was given the name Aunt Stinky.

Well, Aunt Stinky can also be pretty messy. My car tends to have, lets say, a number of items in it. And I tend to not use a garbage bag, but rather just put things under my legs in the driver's side. Yeah, perhaps that's moving beyond messy - but I do throw it out eventually! Anyway, my husband has always joked with me about my car - that you can do a treasure hunt in it and always find something. On the way up to my sister's we were snacking and both he and I dropped something, and it seemingly disappeared. His comment was that the rat living in the car got the morsel.

So, one morning we took one of my nieces with us on an errand. Their parents are rather neat freaks, sort of, and so I warned her not to make comments about my messy car. But then my husband starts with the story of the rat living in the car, and the rat has a pet cockroach, and the cockroach has a pet flea. And he got my niece to name all of them (Lenny, Fred, and Joe respectively.) I dropped them off with my mom while I did one errand on my own, and then sat with my mom for a while to visit. As I sat, I knew something sneaky was happening, though I wasn't sure what. I found out when we went into the car. My niece had drawn a rat, cockroach, and a flea and taped them to various parts of the inside of my car. It was quite cute, and they are still living there today.

Grab Bag

It's a random sort of day.

Heather, do you ever just want to say 'would you please just leave me alone?' to one of your callers? Or even G to his clients? Man, I so wish I could do that today.

Does it mean I'm gay if I saw a woman last night at the climbing gym that was so 'ripped' as my trainer says that it was amazing? That I stared at her until I could no longer see her? I guess if I didn't follow her and go introduce myself and drool all over her, then I'm not gay. I was so in awe though. She was a little bit too muscle-y (a few veins sticking out on her arms) but mostly just greatly in shape. Wow.

I can't believe Mitt Romney is really in the running still. I pity all the puppies in the US if he gets the nomination. I don't know how I feel about McCain anymore. Hillary is looking old (and isn't it weird that we have to refer to her by her first name?). Bill Clinton has two hearing aids, did you know that? What happened to Obama?

My plants are droopy. I guess they need water.

Oh, if you haven't seen Once, it's a really nice movie, with a great soundtrack.

Can you imagine? Twins who were separated at birth got married without realizing they were brother and sister. Oh my.

Breathe. Deep breath. "Don't worry, 'bout a thing, cause every little thing's gonna be all right." That's my mantra right now. Just a busy couple of days.

WNG meme

…(two names you go by)…
1. Wussy Girl
2. Pebbles (as in Pebbles and Bam Bam)

...(two things you are wearing right now)...
1. Pearl stud earrings (always)
2. Sports bra

...(two things you would want (or have) in a relationship)..:
1. Laughter
2. Diversity

...(two of your favorite things to do)...:
1. Breathe
2. Laugh

...(two things you want very badly at the moment)...:
1. To go to the bathroom
2. For someone to make me a cup of tea, but I'm gonna have to make it myself.

...(two pets you had/have)...:
1. Cleo
2. Rudy (aka Rude Boy, aka Rudolf Valentino)

...(two people you think will fill this out)...:
1. Tera (because she needs a push to post)
2. Cyber (he seemed to like losing his virginity to Susan)

...(two things that you did last night)...:
1. drank a lot of wine
2. pet a dog

...(two things you ate today)...:
1. green papaya salad
2. banana (every day!)

…(two people you last talked to)...:
1. B.....
2. my husband

...(two things you're doing tomorrow)...:
1. personal trainer session
2. working

...(two longest car rides)...:
1. Eugene, OR to NJ via the southern route
2. Los Angeles, CA to NJ via the northern route

...(two favorite holidays)...:
1. 4th of July (no gift required)
2. President's Day (because it helps you make through the long winter)

...(two favorite beverages)...:
1. herbal tea
2. seltzer

…(two people no longer alive who you'd like to talk to)...:
1. Dad (so many things I never asked him)
2. Maternal Aunt (she died before I was born)

Tagging Tera and Cyber!

Dream

So, last night I had a dream in which, among other things, we were looking for a restaurant and there was one called the Irish Pub but it was serving Polish food. Bizzare. I'm not interpreting that bit.

But I did have a vivid piece within this dream. I was sitting with my brother at a picnic table by a body of water. The picnic table was right at the edge, but apparently even more over the water than over the land. He shifted his weight and the table fell in with my feet/legs twisted up in the bottom of the table. I remember being under water with the knowledge that I might drown if I don't get my legs out. But I remained calm so I didn't use all my oxygen, and untangled my feet/legs and popped to the surface.

So, looked up the meaning of drowning. From two sites:
1) To dream that you are drowning, signifies that you are overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that is coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts and therefore must proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.
2) If water symbolizes the emotions then drowning symbolizes the fear of being overcome by or drowning in these emotions (sometimes it's just that simple).

I'm going with #2. I've had a lot of emotions recently re: me and men, and I'm handling it all pretty well.

Damn them insurance companies

So, the disability insurance company won't accept a note from the doctor saying that I am ok to be at work. They want something that says that I am fully recovered. Of COURSE the doctor won't write that. He's a back doctor. Noone is ever fully recovered.

I talked to the president of our company and she said there aren't many that companies that will insure small organizations. She can call them and say they'll have to go with another arrangement/company. But what good will that do? Not sure. And not sure I have a case for any lawyer to take but I'll check with my friends.

I may be up against a wall, and I hate that. Some insurance is better than none? Bullshit.

Near death experience

Not mine, luckily. This morning, in the darkness and rain, I saw a woman come oh so close to being completely obliterated by a car. The reason it was so striking is because I watched My Name is Earl last night, and there were not one but two hit,smash,roll over car moments (one oh so clearly digitalized, but such is life, or TV that is). It is what would have happened to this woman. Except, unlike TV, she would not have survived.

I live off of a main road that comes off the highway. For about a 1/4-1/2 of a mile it's 4 (5?) lanes on either side. On one side is a shopping center where commuters park and have to cross over the road to get to the commuting location. People used to cross everywhere, even when they started ticketing them periodically. So they had to erect a concrete barrier to force people to cross at the crosswalk.

Even crossing at the crosswalk, you get used to a certain cycle of the lights. After the green left arrow from the shopping center, the street across gets to go. So most people, including me, walk to the center to wait for the light, and then walk the rest of the way once the light has changed.

This morning there was no car at the vital final light that allows pedestrians to finalize the crossing, so to be safe I ran across. But the other people in the middle did not. The reason I knew this is because I heard a truck horn blow, turned my head, and saw a woman not get hit by a truck and keep running beyond it without stopping to think that she might not see another car coming due to the size of the truck. And there was a car flying down the road. I swear the car missed her by a foot. Luckily there was no other car flying down the road and she made it across. Yes, live frogger.

The day after

So, yesterday was my first session with the trainer. There were some interesting exercises, but nothing was horribly difficult. As I wrote in my comments, the only 'fuck me' moment was when he was stretching my lower back. This morning I woke up pleasantly sore in different places.

I guess this morning I was focused on that feeling, since for the first time ever I forgot both my underwear AND my bra. Ack! Luckily I had a clean-ish sports bra, and luckily I planned to wear tights today. But, I found out I'm more sore than I thought when I was putting my tights on. It almost literally took me 10 minutes to get them on! And they aren't even support tights! I kept having to take rests. And mooning the rest of the poor women in the process. Of course, I also had the difficulty of one leg of the tights consistently twisting so I'd get it up over my knee and it wouldn't go any further.

The day can only get better, right?

Maybe you all knew this - Mitt Romney

The DJ on my internet radio station this morning was complaining about how there's really no presidential candidate that can evoke jokes/puns/laughter. Mitt Romney was the only one he thought was up to the task, and he gave the example of what Romney did with his dog one time on a trip. Of course, it's not funny, it's just TWISTED and BIZARRE and thank goodness he won't be president.

---------HERE's the story...

The white Chevy station wagon with the wood paneling was overstuffed with suitcases, supplies, and sons when Mitt Romney climbed behind the wheel to begin the annual 12-hour family trek from Boston to Ontario.

Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.

Then Romney put his boys on notice: He would be making predetermined stops for gas, and that was it. As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. ''Dad!'' he yelled. ''Gross!'' A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management.

And it offered his sons a rare unplanned stop.

Personal Trainer

I fear that I am now a middle aged white yuppie, or rather dink (double income, no kids). I just hired a personal trainer for 2 days a week. The ultimate goal is to get my back in shape and stop these migranes from happening (I haven't had one in 2008, so that's something!). He's grabbed me (almost literally) and given me free time a couple times and at least talks a good game, and seems to know what he's doing, so I'm trying it. I've tried regular doctors and chiropractors and acupuncture and nothing really worked. And in a month or two I hope I can learn enough and get myself into a routine to keep myself in shape.

I also have weird neck things that happen. And I need to get myself in shape for skiing. How's that for an agenda for someone for two days a week? Whew. My goal is NOT to look like an American Gladiator, though quite honestly, if I had that goal I could look like one of those Amazon women since my body responds pretty well to muscle growth, but that's just not my goal (and besides it would take a LONG time, and my shoulders are already way broad, my calves really cows, and my upper arms bigger than most what with my Polish background, climbing and all that mountain lion wrestling).

OK, want a little laugh? Google 'muscles photo' and look at the third photo in the row that comes up - I would have posted it but don't want an X rating. The one I attached here was the first photo that came up. Of course, Heather has no such qualms.

Triumvirate

There was a time in my life when I split my life into three pieces with respect to men. I had three men in my life covering three different set of needs, and none of them was my boyfriend - I didn't technically have a boyfriend at the time.
Guy #1: Ex who I couldn't disconnect from in part because of a weird dynamic and my low self esteem, and with whom I did outdoorsy type activities.
Guy #2: Ex who I didn't want to completely disconnect from with whom I had a good friendship and great sex.
Guy #3: Married guy who I connected emotionally/intellectually with, with whom I never had sex.

I sometimes try to psychoanalyze myself and wonder what that meant. Simply screwed up? Takes more than one man to satisfy me? So lacking in self confidence/need so much attention I have to get it from multiple men? I still wonder sometimes.

In the end, I managed to get rid of guy #1. Guy #2 and I connected whenever both of us were available. We did try to date again, and it just didn't work. I had dumped him the first time, and he dumped me the second, so we both had turns. Guy #3 realized that he couldn't/shouldn't be that close to someone who wasn't his wife, and so we stopped intense contact.

Since everyone else is doing it

Since I can't participate in the itunes thing, I'll write my thoughts of American Gladiator (at least the first hour). Fun, fun and fun.
- I truly admired Venus for sticking it out and finishing the event and ultimately winning. Way to go! I think she'll be destroyed in later sessions, but she was great to watch.
- I wonder if the Wolfman is ever going to get tired of howling.
- I think one of the female gladiators is kind of a wuss - the one with the dark hair and smallish boobs - she's too nice and not out for blood like the others are.
- I wonder what would happen if someone couldn't swim the whole way under the fire and had to go up for air (which could happen with some of those muscle-bound men) - will they be burnt?

I still think they should bring back Fear Factor though.

Enchanted

Just got back from seeing Enchanted with a friend. I loved it. There's some great acting, a great story, and of course a fairy tale ending. What's not to love? OK, it's cheesy, and ok, there's also some bad acting, but there are also laugh out loud moments, the singing is fun, and it really does make you smile. And who doesn't want to believe in true love?

Laughter

I'll start this off with a story. Did any of you hear about the woman who didn't know she was pregnant and gave birth at a McDonalds with the aid of a freaked out teenager? This was on CNN in the airport January 1 - I was in a little store when it came on. They played some of the tape from the dispatcher going back and forth with the freaked out teenager. Teen: 'OMG she's having a f***ing baby!' 'The baby's in the toilet!' Dispatcher: 'Tell the woman to take the baby out of the toilet.'

I was just shaking my head at the whole story until after the line from the dispatcher the CNN person dryly makes the comment 'I wonder if we've already heard the best quote in the new year'. That just made me lose it - I started laughing hysterically (as I did when I got the banana bunker - loudly). Even a snort.

Lie like a rug

I am so pissed. My company just went through a weird reorganization and thus they had to get new health insurance policies, disability policies, etc. I of course am one of the persons that helped their rates to rise - mental health issues, migranes, on medications, etc. But DAMN! Because I went to a back doctor in 2007, and even though he said I was fine (according to him, but that's another story), the damn disability insurance company wants me to sign an amendment specifically for ME that says that I won't be covered if ANYTHING at all happens to my thoracic area. NFW! So, I told the president of my company there's no way I'm signing it, and now the fun begins.

Damn insurance companies. The moral is, lie like a rug. Or rather, don't tell when the end result was ok. Grumble grumble... Grrrr.... Hackles have risen and I am on the prowl (and unfortunately not in a good way).

Books read over vacation

I got into the zone...and read 6 books. Several I speed read (sped red?). I can read very very fast when either the book is only semi interesting or not worth so much time (eg. romance novels), or it has too much detail I don't want to read.

Finished:

In a Sunburned Country - Bill Bryson. I've been reading it for a while. I like his books/writing and it's full of interesting information about Australia, but I can only take so much of his writing at one time. Read in snatches. Couldn't/didn't want to speed read.

Read entirely:

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (now a major motion picture). Excellent. Very poetic. I read it way too fast and have to read it again. Best read in chapters - read, put down, read, put down.

Something Blue - Emily Giffen. Good, quick, sped red read. I thought it went on a little too long in her ditzy phase, and she changed too quickly, but it showed a nice evolution of character.

Sammy's Hill - Kristen Gore. Sped red. It made me laugh out loud at points. If you like a cross between a primer on health care policy and Bridget Jones' Diary and a mystery, you'll like it.

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier - Ishmael Beah. Excellent. Difficult to digest at times reading first hand about the things that went on in Sierra Leone. I think one of the reasons he survived/can write the book is because he was on the 'good' side, ie not the rebels, who committed even worse atrocities.

A Child Called 'It'- David Peltzer (and the second book in the series). Definitely sped red. Reading every detail of the horrific abuse by his mother (not sexual, but almost everything else) was not necessary. It happened in the 70's when things where just starting to be 'openly' addressed. It provides resources at the end, which is great.

The power of three -4,5

When I got into work this morning, my friend the door guy told me about his wife's father dying and his daughter's grandmother dying. I immediately wondered when I'd hear about the third. My mom instilled this superstition (or is it fact?) that bad things come in threes. Thankfully, sort of of course, I heard about number three in the staff meeting this morning - the father of a new staff member had died - he had been very ill. Whew - so it's noone close to me...

Later in the day: Just got an email from a friend who had to put his cat down. And a call from my husband saying her niece had broken her neck and arm. (Miraculously, she did not do anything to her spinal cord despite her neck being broken clean through at the C5 vertebrae and walking away from the scene - never never move anyone if there's any chance of spinal cord injury!) So, since you know me, even though it's virtually, beware! I seem to be a link to bad things right now.

Happy New Year!

Thank goodness I'm back in DSL land. Later than expected because of flat tires... on a plane! Damn them.

So much to write about been bottled up inside! But since I'm hungry and gotta prepare for the workweek ahead, I'll just share a resolution or two.

Resolution #1: Take naps. This past week after throwing my back out, I had to relax, and I had the time to take naps, and they make a world of difference. I know I complained about doing nothing, but you know, doing nothing isn't so bad. It's relaxing even. Imagine that! Combining that with deep breaths, and I just might make it through the next three months.


Resolution #2: Embrace the pink, even more. Below is a coat I bought at the Goodwill Store I went to. Half price of cheap! I'm very excited..