Thursday, March 13, 2008

Want to know what it's like?

You really don't. At least first hand. To sit across from someone you've been married to for 5.5 years and say, yes, I'm really done. To have the therapist ask about best and worst moments, things we'll miss and not miss, things we've learned and regret. And have to listen and repeat and absorb. And to hear that he thinks he finally understands, and wanting so badly to say, ok, good, then we can move forward, but having for the best of oneself to say it's too fucking late - we both tried our best and I for one cannot try any more. To not sleep, and walk in the early morning as the birds are waking up and realize you are walking alone, and will be for a while.

Seems my purpose in life is to prepare men to be better partners in their next relationships.

11 comments:

heather said...

honestly? i hope i never do know what it's like. i've come close more than once but haven't crossed that line yet.

good for you on doing what is best for you. that takes a tremendous amount of inner strength. it won't be easy but you'll get through it. one day at a time.

NoRegrets said...

Well, thanks. I certainly hope it is indeed the best for me.

WNG said...

No, your purpose in life is to find joy and spread it. I can promise you that if you can stay true to yourself you will come out on the other side of this. I can't promise that you'll still be married, but you will not be alone. I'm here. Many of us are here. Email me if you ever need a shoulder or anything. I'll give you my cell number, I'm a champ listener.

NoRegrets said...

Oh, I won't still be married. I think that way, and it just doesn't feel right. It's what I want, not what is right.
Thanks. You're making me want to cry... But I do have people I can call, and I gotta do some of this alone. Leaving work early today to work in the garden (hubby is away so I get to stay at the house for 2 days).

EsLocura said...

awww, I agree with all the "do what's right for you" stuff, you gotta be happy because if you are not then what's the point. count me in with those that are here, if you need them : )

Susan said...

I want to give you a hug, badly. However, I can't. Just know you're in my thoughts and I'm hoping the absolute best for you. I'm also believing it will happen.

NoRegrets said...

Aw, thank you all, again. I'm feeling much better after gardening. Alone time in my own home with my cats is a good thing.

evil-e said...

Never been married, probably never will be. My current girl thinks marriage is a joke and that is why I love her.

I would imagine it sucks.

Tera said...

Wow NoR, I'm almost speechless! But you do know that you have to do what's best for you.

NoRegrets said...

EE - yeah, it does. Ups and downs. Today's not so bad.

Tera, it makes me nervous when you are almost speechless. What does that mean?

Churlita said...

It sounds like you know it's best for you. I've done that before and it is no fun. The thing I know now, is that there are tons of different kinds of men in the world and you will definitely find a guy that suits you better. You will.