Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Life, the universe, and divorce

While I think the life I've worked towards is what it is, for better and for worse, it's still hard sometimes to get the question: why did you get divorced? Did you do everything you could do?

I mean, for this particular person I couldn't just say shut the hell up, in part because there was a need to figure out his own marriage and he just needed someone to listen (shit, what is it with me and front door guys?). He's a good guy, and pretty blunt, and not after me at all - this I know for sure - as opposed to other door guy. And the other other door guy who I've stopped speaking to who wouldn't stop making suggestive comments despite me telling him not to.

In any event.

Time goes by, and while I don't like being alone, I like it more than being married to my ex. I guess that says it all. But to try and explain my years of trying to make it work, our inability to come to common ground, the feeling of being alone when with him, my giving up of myself, my struggle with depression and apparently bipolar disorder and the impacts of those on a relationship.... well, it's just hard to do. I spend time with my ex and it's easier, but still not easy.

I do know I had my part in it all not working. My impatience, know it all attitude, etc. didn't help. But I did the best I could at the time. And I like him more and more that I spend time with him, but can't imagine being married to him. I guess that says something too.


Sebastien said...

I don't like your attitude. Never admit you are wrong. It is ALWAYS the other person's fault, 100%. I love passing blame, it's too fun :)

But on a serious note, good to hear that you are in a better place now.

laura b. said...

It's odd. In my case, I get more questions like, why didn't you leave sooner? Either way, it is hard to come up with answers that people outside your head can fully understand.

Mel said...

They're tough questions to answer. And I might say, the second I find rather inconsiderate to be asked. *sigh* Blame isn't a good thing--neither is shame. And there's enough of both of those that comes attached to a 'failed marriage'.
*kicks the soapbox* Sorry, sorry, sorry!

The good news is you can step back and say there are some things that speak to this being the healthier choice for you, today.
No--it ain't all sunshine and roses and it'll take time to regroup, to find what's good and true about all that you ARE, and to come through the other side convicted in the lessons you've gleened from the experience.
You're getting there.
Inches and seconds, bit by are getting there.

LOL Darn soapboxes. ;-)

Susan said...

I think you're being very honest with yourself which is a good thing. I need some of that honesty.

Pamela said...

Har Sebastien.
Laura, even from strangers? that would be odd.
Mel, some people are just blunt. And soapboxes are great as long as they can support you. ;-)
Susan, I try. Perhaps too hard...

Churlita said...

I've been single for many, many years. And though I'd love to be in a relationship, I'm definitely WAY happier now than I was with any of the guys I settled for when I was younger. It sounds like you know you made the right choice.

crazy4coens said...

I wonder if I would be happier without the Mr.

Food for thought. Thanks!

NoRegrets said...

Churlita, most of the time I do.

Oh Crazy, I don't advocate divorce. I just know I tried the best I could.

crazy4coens said...

NoRegrets - I am SURE you did try your best. We all do. Life goes on and we adjust.