So, Saturday I went to meet up with some people I hadn't seen in at least 20 years. Friends from high school. Before going, I was a bit anxious. It's kinda like going home to your parents - you start acting the way you were when you were younger. Well, back in high school I was pretty shy. I had more than 2 friends by 10th grade, but it was still an odd thing. I was a misfit.
Thing is, there were a bunch of other misfits too that kinda all found each other. By end of 10th / 11th grade there were enough people to have a group. We were very fond of saying that we weren't 'clique'y (well, in a traditional way!). In fact, someone within the group coined the term for us - claque. There was a core group who all lived on the same street near the junior high school, and then the outliers like me, who kinda even in a misfit group was hesitant to be part of the group all the way.
Well, a few people got together on Sat and I decided to join. I was anxious, but I eventually told myself that it would be like meeting new people, because really they were new. I mean, 20 years had gone by.
But in the end it was so relaxed. I was still kind of a misfit, being the only one not married and childless, but it was great spending time with them. And hearing about other people we all knew. I mean, who woulda thought that C would become an opera singer in Germany?? Seriously, he is. And W is a sommalier. And one of the guys who was there is my age and just starting his residency for becoming a medical doctor. He loves it. And another brought cheese that he had made himself.
It was great. And the best thing that came out of it, driving home I was thinking to myself that I really can do anything I want to. I can dream, and make that dream come true. I'd lost that attitude over the years due to all the chaos in my life, but I'm stable enough(ish) now that I can start dreaming again. Or at least percolating.
Like, I'd love to go live in New Zealand for a year or two. Realistically, some things would have to happen for me to do that (stabilize medication, find a way to have health insurance there, my mom die - which is horrible but realistic - I don't want to be overseas when she dies, etc.) but it's something that could come true. And that's all I've come up with so far. But it's something. I have some time.
And I reconnected with some really truly good people, and hope to continue to be in touch. Thanks Facebook!