Just got off the phone with my ex. He agreed with me that it's likely not a good idea to go on a ski trip together. Dammit, I hate when people agree with me. Of course it's the right thing, but the right thing often sucks. Some of our best times were skiing, because he grew up with it and it was his life, and I embraced skiing so quickly and forcefully, and we could share. He was still better than me, but I was and am pretty damn good.
I told him I was giving him space, and he said it is indeed a confusing time.
It's just so fucking sad. And it sucks to divorce someone who's reasonable and a good man. I wish he were perfect for me. Or even halfway perfect. I wish my life were a mathematical formula and there was a right answer and I'd win the $1mil prize. I don't wish to see the future, I just wish I knew it would be good. But I guess that's all a matter of attitude.
At a party last night that a friend held and had originally not invited my ex, I sat back and looked at this group of people, and felt I needed a new group. Having been shy, I'm so proud to have an extended set of friends that I maintain contact with, though it be superficial for the most part. But I need to make some changes, though I'm not quite sure what changes. And maybe in the end I don't need to make changes - and I just accept the new reality whatever that is, but that reality is still evolving and being defined. And it's ok to feel alone, just not all the time, because I do have a core set of really good friends, and that's a great basis for a good life.
My guitar is weeping ever so not gently.
"I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps"
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4 comments:
Alone and lonely and two different things.
Funny thing, change.... It'll happen with or without my permission.
Of course, I'd prefer to be consulted.
Of course, I don't get to be. LOL
Plan a trip for YOU. All sorts of wonderful adventures are out there just waiting to be had.
Frankly, beachtime sounds like a really good deal. But beachtime is a good deal any time, huh? ;-)
I highly recommend planning more trips or outings with your girlfriends. Especially single girlfriends. A friend of mine got dumped by her fiance (they had been living together for 13 years) and we started making her go out with us. She had a blast and got hit on by way younger guys and felt a million times better about herself.
She had been used to her social life revolving around her ex, and once she got away from that, she was able to let him go more easily.
I know Monty, but still...
Mel, I know, I should plan a trip. I'll try.
Churlita - thing is, I think I need to develop some new single women friends who like to/can do heavy duty outdoorsy stuff.
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