Found out yesterday that my ex might be throwing a going away party for a mutual friend B who's moving to CO in a couple weeks (it's the guy who did my plumbing). My first instinct is to not go (yes, I know I'm going to be invited). I can barely be there when it's only me and him. The idea of being in that house which is now HIS home and not being a co-host freaks me out. I can't see me having a good time. But then, I wonder if I'm supposed to suck it up and go for the good of the whole, whatever that might be. I know my friend B wouldn't care one way or another if I went (I think). So, thus I struggle with listening to what I feel (NO) to what my brain says (WAIT A MINUTE). I know there'd be fallout to deal with after the party (meaning a meltdown on my part), but maybe I need to just change my attitude and say, well there doesn't HAVE to be fallout? Sigh. This is why I have a therapist.
What's funny is that friends who told me to not spend time with him, etc. are now defending him. Isn't that the way life goes? One friend told me to be nice to him when I bitched to her about him not letting me see his parents. Another says oh it's nice he's reaching out to you and wants to be your friend when he calls me a couple times last weekend. All of which is true, but dammit, can't it be black and white?
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5 comments:
Don't go.
Woo hoo! My first true anon comment.
hm... not sure how much I like it.
It's never black and white. I hate that about life.
I would do whatever you feel more comfortable with and turn your brain off for this one. All this stuff with your ex is about your feelings, so listen to them.
I agree with Churlita. Absolutely go with your gut and deal with either variety of fallout as it arrives.
Why not call your friend B, they guy who did the plumbing, and take him out to dinner, and just tell him you can't make the party but wanted to make sure you got a chance to see him off because you valued his friendship so much.
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